I was able to attend the visitation, service, and reception. My family, especially my daughters, were amazing throughout it all.
They put up with my numerous hours of obsessing over getting a ride and having a seat that would allow me to escape should I need to. To ease my torment they assured they would be there every step of the way. When I ran into difficulty at one point because I became surrounded by people they saw me mouth the words "I'm trapped" and they were immediately at my side. When I needed to escape to the bathroom they were with me. When I needed a hug they were there for me. When I ran into difficulty during the reception they understood and helped me through. They very patiently waited until I was ready, they did not rush me in any way, then when I asked if we could visit the neighbourhood I grew up in with my family of origin they said yes with no hesitation whatsoever.
Emotionally I can feel absolutely nothing at all, a numbness, then a deep sadness on a different day. My OCD has gotten better slightly better, thankfully.
Monday made me realize how truly blessed I am.
Peace