Author Topic: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?  (Read 2425 times)

JennyRN70

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mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« on: November 10, 2014, 05:34:41 PM »
So as many of you know I have been off work for over 6 months with no financial input - my fiancÚ had been working ridiculous hours to keep us going and I found my spending really hasn't stopped - spending to feel better and spending when I feel good - so my fiancÚ has asked me to go to the bank and stop my access to the checking account and just have the savings account and he would put a limited amount of money there for gas and groceries and other things I might need I can ask him - he is very good about giving me money and has been paying for all of my courses - but I kind of feel like I am being treated like a child as I can seem to manage my money like an adult - anyway just wondered what you all thought about this - it feels like I am giving my freedom away somehow.

paulm

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2014, 12:48:59 AM »
Hello Jenn. Every couple has to have their own rules and I'm not saying what worked for me , will work for you. 

 My view of my spending habits and what was essential when I was without income was drastically different from my spouses. This lead to many arguments

 One of her conditions for her staying with me during those difficult yrs was that she handle all of the finances, which meant closing my bank acct and giving her my charge cards. I didn't like that at the time.

 It worked out really well. I no longer spent money on items that weren't absolutely essential and that meant I didn't feel guilty when the charge card bill came in or the bank statement.  It also meant my wife (who was working at two jobs at the time) didn't have unexpected surprises.

 Less stress for me, less stress for her. It turned out to be win win situation.  We still had a few arguments about how much money I should have every week, but eventually that all worked itself out.

 Plus it had the added benefit of forcing us both to discuss our finances and decide where the money would go. Take Care. paul m

 

JennyRN70

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2014, 09:04:40 AM »
I am so glad hear other couples do this Paul - He also has my charge card - it does make sense - it's just another one of those things that this illness takes away - mind you there are "normal" couples who have the same issue and likely don't do as well - thanks again Paul for your input.

Jen

Dragonfly

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2014, 12:37:03 PM »
Hi JennyRN70,

I am not trying to sound goody goody. I used to handle all the money when my husband was alive. Most of the time I didn't mind doing that. I had worked in an office and I had a better sense of budgeting. I am not trying to sound like I was superior. My husband & I always discussed things if we wanted to buy something expensive. Sometimes I got so fed up with stretching the money for bills, etc. that I said you can manage the money. He would say, no you are doing fine.

My son manages the money. His wife doesn't have access to the bank accounts or has any credit cards. He is responsible for paying for certain things and she for other things. As she has shown in the past she runs up credit cards. She is too generous with helping her friends out, etc. If his wife managed the money there would be no money. If she wants some extra money he will usually give her money for it if it is financially possible. His wife sometimes resents him for managing the money. She does admit that he is much better at it.

Dragonfly

JennyRN70

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2014, 04:39:12 PM »
Yes again I think Bob is likely the better person of the two of us - I do not do money very well and he has had to budget to live for his whole life - so I guess to keep us happy and together I will go for this and I am also hoping to get back to work in the next couple of weeks too so here's hoping for good luck - and Draginfly you do not sound like a goodie goodie or anything - you sound just like the rest of us :)

Dragonfly

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2014, 07:50:22 PM »
JennyRN70,

Jenny you must not think that your finance, Bob, is better than you. In a relationship both people have their strengths and weaknesses. I am sure you have a lot of strengths that you don't even realize you have. Bob would not stay with you otherwise.

Dragonfly

paulm

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2014, 10:44:59 PM »
Hello Jenn. I agree with Dragonfly, your spouse is not better than you, my spouse is not better than me. (although she is nicer). We each have our attributes.

 When it comes to some items, in our budget my spouse does ask my opinion as I am a whizz at basic math and can spot whether a sale item is really on sale or not(not that a big box store would ever intentionally mislead us by using confusing non standard sizes etc LOL). I'm not so good at deciding whether we really need things or not and can be justly acussed of purchasing things on a whim, especially when lightly manic. Take Care. paul m

LuckyLou

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Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2014, 06:32:04 AM »
Hi
I agree with Dragonfly and Paul! we all have our strengths in a relationship and i am sure there are things you do better than your spouse. My partner and i share our finances but i do the bills so I am basically in charge of the money. This works for us because my partner is the spender not me. I have to reign him in from time to time!  And he is not bipolar! Fortunately money was never my problem when manic however ive done lots of things i am not proud of when i am manic. Thank God i found the right cocktail after years of trying to get it right. I am the most stable i have been in a really long time. anyway I hope you get things sorted!
Love is the reason!