Need advice

[Peace]

Hi everyone,

I was hoping to connect with someone who has been exposed to abuse or who has experience in that area.

I need 2 things:

1. Advice on how to survive/escape the name calling.

2. Tips on how to keep myself from making simple requests of a person who is totally unreasonable.

I'm pretty desperate about this.

Thank you

[Dragonfly]

Hi Peace,

I can only emphazie with you. I could say ignore him when he calls you names and don't ask him things. I feel like I am saying things that are easier said than done especially when you are around someone like that all the time.

Thinking of you.

Dragonfly

[Pleeb]

Hi, Peace.....Very sorry to hear about this.

Maybe a women's organization/drop in place for women in your situation could offer advice?

I have indirect kinda experience with this, as my late idiot father was like that.  My extremely shy, angelic mother was pushed into marrying him by her parents....

take care!....Peter 

[Peace]

Answer I received from my contact at my local woman's shelter:

Unfortunately this week I will not be able to devote the time that I would want to and what you deserve in order to discuss this. She then redirected me to another facility in my city. When I phoned them they won't help me unless I go in for intake, which is impossible considering their location and my agoraphobia.

I got her email the same day I got an email from Red Cross saying they don't service my city, an email from CMHA not accepting my appeal for case management, and an email from my social organization saying they can't find any volunteer organizations to help me. 

Sorry for venting, I'm honestly at my wits end trying to find help for myself. 

Thank you, Peter and Dragonly I really do appreciate the feedback/support.

Hopefully I'll become well/brave enough to reach out to another women's organization for suggestions, as Peter suggested.

Peace

[Dragonfly]

I am so sorry Peace for the feedback you are getting from these places. Would your local MP be able to help? Just a thought. Justin Trudeau is very supportive of mental health issues. As you probably know his mother, Margaret suffers from bi-polar. Justin's wife is also an advocate for mental health.

I know this government  wants to better things for people with mental health issues. That does not always happen easily. Probably a lot of red tape to go through. Clara Hughes the olympic athlete who suffers from mental illness is also a great advocate. (Bell) Would there be any groups associated with these people that could help? Just throwing out ideas.

Thinking of you.

Dragonfly

[misskris3]

Hi Peace,

I've been in a relationship similar to that. I think the best advice is to remove yourself from that person's every day influence.

go stay at a family or friends, at a motel if you can afford it, a hostel, anywhere just to get some separation and let the dust settle. if the person is anything like the one I was close to, I bet time away would do one of two things: anger them further (so you can block and delete all texts etc.), or throw them into panic mode where you start receiving sweet messages of how much you mean to them.

the point is to just remove yourself. you'll start to think clearer about what is going on and what is best for you, and not the other person, because it doesn't seem like that other person is thinking about your needs at all.

take care.

[Peace]

Thank you Dragonfly  I actually wrote to Justin Trudeau December 11th outlining my struggles and the lack of help available. Someone from his office responded March 1st saying my email had been forwarded to the Minister of Health, and that I may want to contact Ontario Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care. No contact information for them, though. It's worth a shot contacting my local MP, and now that I think about it, the mayor of my city should be made aware. Even if it doesn't get me help, it couldn't hurt for them to be made aware of what cutbacks are doing.

The person at the women's shelter had a bit more time last week and we had a good talk. She said it sounds like my husband has Jekyll/Hyde personality. That it's a known situation where outsiders will say to people "why are you leaving him/her, they are wonderful", when there is an actual "monster personality" revealed only to select people. This explanation helped explain a lot to me, and it's good to know that there's many others experiencing what I am. She's a very helpful, caring person.

I believe there's many in the mental health field who care and really want to help, but with so many in need they can only do so much.

I just might reach out to Clara Hughes. I always said once I'm better I'm going to advocate for help for others, but it doesn't hurt to start now. Even if I can't find health, it might benefit others eventually.

Thank you for the kind words and suggestions!

[Peace]

Thank you, misskris3 

Very helpful suggestions. I'm hoping my sisters health improves enough for me to be able to spend some time at her place again. So far everyone else I've reached out to has had too much going on in their lives. Very helpful, though, to be reminded to keep trying for that time away.

[Amanda]

Hi Peace.  My name is Amanda.  I haven't introduced myself because I can't quite figure out how - I'm new to the forum interface. I wanted to reply to you to say how very sorry I am that you are having to go through this!  I lived with an emotionally abusive husband for a long time before finally demanding that he leave and it was very destructive to me and my children.  I really hope you will find a way out of that situation as soon as possible.  Once a person has permitted themself to routinely disrespect another person they are unlikely to change.

[paulm]

Hello Amanda and welcome.  Thx for your. It sometimes takes a while to figure out how everything works on these forums, but I'm glad that you were able to post a reply.

 Please feel free to ask questions , answer other people's questions and/or use the forum to vent out some of life's frustrations. Take Care. paul m

[momfellinglost]

I know you wrote this sometime ago and I hope things have improved for you. If you have a cell phone I would record some of the things he is doing. It may not stop it but it could help you later when dealing with other things. I would think that if he keeps it up it could be seen as what it is abuse and he could be removed from the home for such actions. I know you have a hard time dealing with him and wish that I had better suggestions on how to stop it but if it gets bad call the police with your medical they may do something but at the very lest it will put him on notice that you are not going to put up with it

[videosilva]

 Sever all ties immediately.

 This will be for the remainder of you life and there is NO turning back no mater the circumstances.