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Messages - paulm

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General Discussion / Re: MDAO Comedy Show - my jokes!
« on: December 01, 2014, 10:31:11 PM »
Hello Peter. Try and open this attachment. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Introduction
« on: December 01, 2014, 10:23:30 PM »
Hello CanadianEm. I'm glad that feel welcome and comfortable. I've been around this forum(or it's predecessor) longer than anyone except Peter and probably Rich and for the most part I've always felt safe and comfortable posting about my problems on here. Plus people have been supportive and helpful over the yrs.

 In regards to your pdoc(psychiatrist) dropping you, that's unfortunate fact of life these days, however it sounds like your family doc is on the ball. (I was never that lucky).

 In regards to your substance abuse problem, that happens to a lot of people. While I wouldn't expect you to take pride in that fact, your pdoc should also bear some of the blame. I mean, you went to see a doctor to get better and it doesn't sound like your pdoc did a very good job of getting you well.

 We all bear some responsibility to getting better, however so do our doctors.

 Anyways I wish you luck. I never had a substance abuse problem, but I did plenty of other things that I feel shameful over. Take Care. paul m


General Discussion / Re: dermatology/slap the Dr. and others around....LOL
« on: November 25, 2014, 11:30:48 PM »
Hello Peter. One of the reasons some hospitals don't have a dermatology dept any more is lack of specialists in that area. It's almost impossible in my area to get an appointment to see one any more for anything less than something major.

 You were wise to make an appt as skin cancer can start out mild and worsen if not treated. (which you probably already know)Good luck with your appt. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Anybody 50+ with BPD?
« on: November 25, 2014, 11:21:24 PM »
Hello WRW1955 and welcome to the forum. Why are you still so depressed, good question and if I was like one of those TV shrinks I'd ask you a couple of questions and have you all fixed up in no time(plus I'd be rich LOL).

 Unfortunately depression can strike us whether we shouldn't have a care in the world or not. I have bipolar as well and I struggled for a long time with the depression side of it, long after the major manic episodes had ended.

 One thing to do is get a very complete physical. I can almost guarantee that even if you have had a recent physical that your doctor didn't ck for a lot of things that can contribute to/or make depression worse.  Problems with any number of glands(thyroid, adrenal etc), lack of the bodies ability to properly digest a variety of vitamins and many physical illnesses can cause increased depression. Wikipedia has a not bad primer on it.   

 As we age we get struck with more and more of these problems and for some reason they are often not linked to increased depression.

 You may also be taking a medication that has worked faithful for years and has suddenly stopped working for reasons unknown. They even have a name for it now, SSRI poop out (seriously and it's not limited to SSRI's) The Mayo clinic has article on why depression may worsen and even they refer to medications quitting working as poop out.  of course the medical establishment has a correct name for this type of occurance (tachyphylaxis), but I can't pronounce that. More studies are showing that this poop out effect is happening more frequently than realized.

 Even something like sleep apenea can cause depression. Plus I haven't started on exercise, diet or sleep habits, all of which may affect our depression. I can't speak for anyone else, but I find that as I get older it's harder to exercise, sleep well and eat properly, not that I was ever an expert on any of those things LOL. Good luck with your job hunting and keeping your car running. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Touched by Fire
« on: November 25, 2014, 10:23:09 PM »
Thx Dragonfly and LuckyLou. Everyon on here has helped me a lot too, so thx for being here for me as well. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: winter blues
« on: November 25, 2014, 10:21:20 PM »
Hello CanadianEm. If you can afford it a S.A.D. lamp (seasonal affective disorder Lamp) can be really beneficial to some. They, unfortunately, run between 2-300 bucks and are not covered by OHIP. Used ones can be bought cheaper, but you have to be careful as only a true S.A.D. lamp in good condition will bring you any benefits and  there are a lot of fakes out there.

 Writing on here can be theraputic and if you can get out all attending peer support groups can help as well. It seems like it's been a loooong fall already and I can get around. I wish you luck and a speedy recovery for your ankle. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Introduction
« on: November 25, 2014, 09:49:53 PM »
Hello CanadianEm and welcome to the forum. Depression and anxiety are well documented illnesses. Suicide, which is usually caused by depression, is the second leading cause of death among 15-24 yr olds(behind accidents) . It also ranks about 9th overall as leading cause of death among the general population every year. Only slightly behind auto accidents and in front of kidney disease.

 So depression, anxiety and all mental illness are pretty serious. As too whether we need to take meds or not, that is any individuals choice.  I know a lot of individuals who say they never use any kind of medication, but when they go to the dentist I seldom hear them tell the dentist to go ahead and pull the tooth without freezing or when they have an infection refuse to take antibiotics.

 Having a mental illness isn't a choice that we make. Accepting treatment for any illness, mental or physical is a choice that we can make.  If taking meds means enjoying life and living longer, then it is certainly your right to take meds.

 Having said all of that, just like if I have a kidney or heart disease and have to watch my diet, plus take my medications and try and live a healthy life style, there are things that we can do to help limit the effects of a mental illness. Cognetive Behavioural courses have been proven to help some people reduce or eliminate the amount of meds that they take. Living a healthy life style can be beneficial. That doesn't mean that I'm being critical of anyone's life style, I try too eat healthy and exercise, but that can be hard when I don't get out of bed for a week due to depression. Plus for me, I could be the most fit person in the world and I still need to take my meds.  Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: MDAO Comedy Show - my jokes!
« on: November 22, 2014, 12:47:38 AM »
Hello Peter. Great Jokes, I know that you will do well as always. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Touched by Fire
« on: November 22, 2014, 12:46:40 AM »
Hello Dragonfly. To be honest I don't really know. I do know that for many years people with a mental illness who have a creative side to them have been said to have been touched by fire.

 Although it has often came to mean someone with bipolar because of  Kay Redfield Jamison's book Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. However the term originated long before that and certainly can be attributed to any mental illness.
 In the case of the art show Touched by Fire, it was started by John Burghardt  whose daughter had the potential to be a brilliant artist and who suffered from bipolar.

 John talks about his daughter and at one point says " Gradually, the demons in her life overcame the happy times and the creative moments. In July 2005, Rebecca chose to end the battle by taking her own life.  see 

 I have often heard of demons of hell touching those of us with a mental illness. Is this how the term touched with fire got started? I don't know, I can find no specific reference to it.

 For more about John's and Rebecca's story, please also see    Take Care. paul m p.s if you click on the last link and then scroll down the page some you will find an interesting guy LOL.

General Discussion / Touched by Fire
« on: November 20, 2014, 09:40:57 AM »
Hello Everyone. The Touched by Fire art show(an MDAO initiative) is coming up on Dec3rd. I don't think I'm going to be able to make it, but it is usually a good show. for more details   

 Entrance is free, but they do ask for a donation 
  Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Another MDAO comedy show.....
« on: November 20, 2014, 09:36:34 AM »
Hello Peter I can't make it, but for anyone who can the shows are usually pretty good, actually great. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Anxious......then.....
« on: November 20, 2014, 09:32:21 AM »
Hello Peter. I'm glad that you found something that worked. If I wake up at 5am and try to mediate, I just fall back asleep.

 However as has been said, thx for sharing. Tak Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: I am so ashamed of myself
« on: November 13, 2014, 11:36:34 PM »
Hello Dragonfly. Unfortunately my mother was like your husband and passed too soon,her passing was  probably caused by second hand smoke as she was not a smoker and she died of lung cancer.

 However my mother was a good lady, just a little misguided by her old fashion beliefs about a mental illness. Plus as you have heard me say here many times before my wife is a wonderful person. I've never met anyone who doesn't like her.  Not that my wife tries to be liked, she just has that special mix of qualities that allows her to get along with everyone. (I wish I did). So it was easy for my mother to like my wife and wonder at times what kind of monster she had given birth too. Especially during those really dark years when I was constantly bad tempered and spent every penny we had and a few that didn't belong to me.

 So in hindsight it was easy for my mother to side with my wife. It wasn't the right course of action on her part and it caused a lot of problems, but hindsight is 20-20

 The proper course of action would have been to either go with me to the psychiatrist or encourage my wife to go with me to see the doctor and to tell him what my real symptoms were. I can't speak for anyone else, but when I was manic I had a certain tendency to lie to my doctor.

 She could have also told my wife that something had to be seriously wrong as I hadn't been that way all of my life(my wife could have realized that too) But again hindsight is 20-20. Plus we are talking the 90's here and even the doctor didn't realize that by giving me anti depressants he kept on a drug induced manic episode that lasted a few yrs. So would the doctor have admitted that he was making a mistake?

 I'm glad that you are feeling better and I wish you luck with your son and your grandchildren as I know that you love them all dearly and that you just want what is best for them. Take Care. paul m





General Discussion / Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« on: November 13, 2014, 10:44:59 PM »
Hello Jenn. I agree with Dragonfly, your spouse is not better than you, my spouse is not better than me. (although she is nicer). We each have our attributes.

 When it comes to some items, in our budget my spouse does ask my opinion as I am a whizz at basic math and can spot whether a sale item is really on sale or not(not that a big box store would ever intentionally mislead us by using confusing non standard sizes etc LOL). I'm not so good at deciding whether we really need things or not and can be justly acussed of purchasing things on a whim, especially when lightly manic. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« on: November 11, 2014, 12:48:59 AM »
Hello Jenn. Every couple has to have their own rules and I'm not saying what worked for me , will work for you. 

 My view of my spending habits and what was essential when I was without income was drastically different from my spouses. This lead to many arguments

 One of her conditions for her staying with me during those difficult yrs was that she handle all of the finances, which meant closing my bank acct and giving her my charge cards. I didn't like that at the time.

 It worked out really well. I no longer spent money on items that weren't absolutely essential and that meant I didn't feel guilty when the charge card bill came in or the bank statement.  It also meant my wife (who was working at two jobs at the time) didn't have unexpected surprises.

 Less stress for me, less stress for her. It turned out to be win win situation.  We still had a few arguments about how much money I should have every week, but eventually that all worked itself out.

 Plus it had the added benefit of forcing us both to discuss our finances and decide where the money would go. Take Care. paul m


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