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Messages - mmarynuk

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General Discussion / Re: Introductions
« on: February 19, 2015, 06:11:46 pm »
Well as I have noticed others introducing themselves here is a go for me. My name is Michelle, I am 33 years old and was finally diagnosed with Bipolar type 1 when I was 31. I have had symptoms since I was 4 years old but was misdiagnosed. I started experiencing MAJOR tantrums at the age of 4 to the extreme of ripping doors off hinges and destroying things. I was extremely hyperactive and would barely sleep as well and I was diagnosed in 1987 with ADHD and was prescribed Ritalin which at the age of 9 almost killed me. The meds made my life worse at that point, it did not help with my attention span and I was still very aggressive and extremely hyper.

At 8 years of age in 1990 I was diagnosed as having Panic disorder with Agoraphobia and mine was on the severe end as I would NOT leave the house for anything. Under the instruction of my child psychiatrist I was admitted for 1 year into the child psychiatric center where I underwent Cognitive behavioral therapy, which only helped for awhile. I was still terrified of life and had a hard time functioning. I was depressed alot of the time but my doctor said it was a coping mechanism, Which now my new doctor knows that it was not and other things were going on. Into my teenage years I was out of control, I got into many fights and took off for days on end without a care. My mother at that point took a step back as she could not deal with me and I moved out at age 14.

I went many years between crazy behavior & severe depression but I was overlooked many times by doctors saying I was just being a typical "teen". When I was 30 I went through a major depression lasting 8 months and finally had enough and went to my personal family doctor who referred me to a great Psychiatrist who knew something was very wrong. By the time I got into see him I was in full blown mania and hearing voices, He observed me for awhile and went through my medical records and immediately knew from my history that was documented that I had Bipolar disorder and diagnosed me with Type 1. He also said that based on my history he could pin point that it started around the age of 4. He also said my misdiagnoses could be the cause of why I developed panic disorder and agoraphobia. Sorry for the long post, but I am finally ready to share and trust me this is the condensed version.

General Discussion / Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
« on: October 16, 2014, 11:35:25 am »
In my case as my ODSP is in front of the review board and has been for 6 weeks now we are waiting on an approval or a denial letter from them before trillium will do anything.. I will hear back within the next 6 weeks as it can take up to 3 months for ODSP to review my medicals and make a decision.. If i was only in the first stage of meeting with ODSP and having my papers filled out they would have helped but it takes time and a decision could quite possibly already be in the mail for me so i do see there point with this.

General Discussion / Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
« on: October 15, 2014, 01:45:27 pm »
Sadly i was denied for trillium as soon as they found out i have applied for ODSP, they say they can help if and when i am denied.. I left him alone for a few hours the other night and he came and apologized to me and since then it has been alot better..

This is the first time i have been off my meds and the only medication that my doctor can get for me is Ciprolex but we all know that unless i have my mood stabilizer that it is bad to take an anti-depressant by itself...

I have been on meds for bipolar and panic disorder since i was a young child. I was diagnosed with bipolar when i was 4 and then diagnosed with agoraphobia with panic disorder at 8.. Applying for ODSP was a pain as my medical records were at 2 different hospitals and a bunch of doctors... I am now 6 weeks in after submitting my package back so i will hopefully get a letter soon...

General Discussion / non-medicated bipolar and marriage
« on: October 14, 2014, 03:35:21 pm »
I am literally going through a horrible time right now.. I am awaiting approval for ODSP and have no medication coverage at the moment. Well after 12 years together me and my partner got married a few weeks ago and it has gone down hill since.. I am trying to control my temper but it is becoming harder and harder to do..

It started today with him getting mad at me for something that was out of my control (picking up an item while the weather is crappy out and we do not drive) It started with the normal "what do you want me to do about it?" type of question. I see it as since it is horrible out then we will pass on the item and find another at a later date. Well this turned into him getting mad at me and then me loosing it. I asked him to stop multiple times as i knew that i would not be able to take that for long before an outburst. I told him that i would not tolerate being treated like that and then he brings up the well if you want to leave then feel free to..

I have been married before and it did not turn out well and now i fear that it will happen again and that I am a failure. I am honestly trying to do my best but it never seems to work out in my favor. It just seems like we were fine until we got married. He keeps saying well it is hard to live with you while you are not medicated. This i can understand as i have a hard enough time dealing with what is in my head all by myself. I know i am not the only one to go through this and feel this way but at the same time i feel very alone.

I cannot talk to him about it as when i do, he only gives me one or two word conversations and it leave me even more confused, upset and alone.

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