MDAO Forum

Support for People with Mood Disorders => General Discussion => Topic started by: Peace on October 24, 2015, 01:26:39 am

Title: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on October 24, 2015, 01:26:39 am
Hi everyone  :)

I went to the drug store today. It was very hard and I was very anxious. I don't know how I'm going to live alone.

My husband's latest plan is for me to move out of the house in the Spring and for him to buy me out. He made some comment about him not having the money to pay me upfront and that I would have to trust him. He is not a trustworthy man. I will not be ready to live on my own in the Spring.

I also just realized he wants to keep the furniture in the house. I'm going to need a lot of strength to not be taken advantage of. He's already talking about how financially tight it's going to be for him. I've been with him long enough to know he'll pull out every angle he can think of to get as much from me as he can.

I'm asking everyone to continue to keep me strong and to not waiver throughout this (as you've always done).

I'm very scared.

Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: paulm on October 24, 2015, 04:33:32 am
Hello Peace. He cannot force you to move out without a court order. In fact if he gets miserable about it, make sure that you document the facts and he may be the one who gets ordered to move out. The fact that you have a child(children) still in school brings out some very interesting scenarios and neither one of you may be able to force the sale of the house, although one of you may be forced to move.

 That is, without proper legal help and legal preparation of the paperwork, his promise to pay you later, may be just that. He may not have to buy you out as long as one child is under 25 and in school(including university or college). Keep strong. Take Care. paul m P.S. If he does get unruly about it, make sure that your personal safety is looked after even if you have to move to a woman's shelter. A woman's shelter can also advise you on what your rights are and what to document. You do not need to be living in a shelter to get their advice.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on October 25, 2015, 09:51:22 am
Thank you, Paul. Everything you say helps a great deal. It opens my eyes about a number of factors.

He's had his motorcycle for sale for a few months. It's not selling. Someone offered to trade their 20 year old mustang (80,000 km's on it, which isn't high) for the motorcycle just purchased the year before last. It has a V8 engine, huge gas guzzler, and in my opinion with it being a 20 year old mustang the cost of repairs and insurance could be astronomical. He said he would give the mustang to our 17 year old daughter. Who gives a 17 year old a mustang?

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a rant. I'm just so stressed by all this, and things such as trading the motorcycle for a mustang adds to it.

I would like to say at this time that my husband has a good heart and does love his children a great deal.

I'm planning to phone the local shelter on Monday, provided I'm having a good day. Our shelter takes women in for 2 weeks only. I used to volunteer for them. One of the things I want to ask them about is a referral to a lawyer (I don't qualify for legal aid). I'm hoping they might know of ones that are good, but not overly expensive. Any other things anyone can think of that I should ask them?

Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on October 26, 2015, 09:43:42 am
I just got off the phone with the shelter. They only help women who are in their facility. :(
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on October 26, 2015, 12:56:55 pm
did you try asking them for a referral to somewhere else that could help ppl not in their facility? I would think they get those requests often no?
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on October 26, 2015, 10:14:41 pm
Hi GrizzlyMantooth  :) They did give me the name and number of another place in my city. I called and a Legal Support worker will call me back today. Until I can get there for a referral appointment the most they can do is tell me over the phone the names of lawyers who advocate for women's rights. I left my name and number and am waiting for someone to call. It's a start.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on October 29, 2015, 08:18:16 am
The person has not called me back yet. Today my mind is not clear, so I will wait until I feel better to follow up. I'm so stressed.  ???
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on November 01, 2015, 04:59:26 am
I followed up on Friday. I spoke to the same person I spoke to the first time. She said she would send a follow up email to the lawyer at their organization, and asked if it was safe to leave a message. The first time I said no it wasn't safe, but this time since 4 days had passed since my initial phone call I said okay to leaving a message, but to tell the lawyer to only leave their first name, no other details whatsoever. I also said to call between 9 AM and 2 PM only because my husband would be home after that. I napped around 2:30 on Friday. When I woke up I listened to our answering machine messages. My husband had been home and heard the call when it came in. It had to have been after 2 PM because I napped at 2:30. On the answering machine the lawyer said her name, the name of the place she was calling from, left her phone number, and said she was calling to give me a list of lawyers. My husband questioned my on the phone call and wanted to know if I was using lawyers that were subsidized (which I'm not).

The place I called is a woman's safety center. I'm not at all impressed that the lawyer called after 2 PM and that they left more than their first name on my answering machine. The ramnifications to me weren't that bad, but to some women they could have been.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: momfellinglost on November 02, 2015, 10:56:33 am
Paul is right he can't force you out of the house if you don't have a lawyer you need one I know you don't have a lot of money and legal aid has services that they can offer. I know you have the house but that isn't a liquid asset I would do nothing without a legal agreement. Done by or approved by a lawyer or court. If you have someone who can be your advocate to make sure you aren't pushed around it would be good maybe they could even go to the lawyer with you so you don't forget or worry that what you are asking is not important everything is important. You have been together a long time and that will come into the mix. Lawyers know what to look for and what to focus on. No movng date with out an agreement. A woman shelter may have a list of lawyers who could be a good fit for you.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on November 03, 2015, 11:33:32 am
Thanks, Mom. The women's shelter said they only help residents, but gave me another women's centre. I just got off the phone with them and they gave  me 5 lawyers, so my next step is to choose one and book an appointment. My sister will go with me. I'd prefer my brother because he'd advocate more for me, but he's very busy, so my sister it is. I decided I'm not going anywhere until I have it set up that I can be self-sufficient.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Peace on November 08, 2015, 07:01:56 am
The lawyers given to me by the centre, with the exception of 1, are all located an hour and a half bus ride from me. I did submit one of those online forms asking for information. I left both my email and phone number, explaining I have difficulty talking on the phone, and they didn't get back to me. They do have a good website. I guess on a day when my OCD is not running rampant, I'll need to pick the phone up and call.

I'm a little bit saddened that neither my sister or brother have offered to help me get groceries if worse case scenario I have no other options. My sister said I'll have to go shopping when I'm feeling well, and I'll have to use Grocery Gateway when I'm not. My brother has made no offer at all. Heck, I'm not just a bit saddened, I'm downright hurt.  :(
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: momfellinglost on November 13, 2015, 12:51:50 pm
So sorry you aren't getting the family support that you need wish I was closer to you I would step up and be willing to take you shopping. Wishing you all the best. When my son was looking for a lawyer he had the same problem sending emails and getting no response. It did take some phone calls. I don't  now your financial situation but even if you don't qualify for full legal aid they will sometimes front the money and you pay them back after the case is settled I know they take applications by phone as well as on line. It can limit your choices of a lawyer how ever. Something to think about
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: NeitherHereNorThere on November 14, 2015, 09:10:59 am
Good morning all,

Peace; I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.  When I go through times like these, I wish I could curl up in a ball and roll away.  I don't know of any way to emotionally and mentally prepare for living alone.  I understand your fear.  I have been living alone for many years (my choice) and it has taken a lot of hard work but I stay close to my true supports and draw strength from them.  I have provided a few websites that may have a service (or services) that you would be interested in.

I understand that it hurts when you realize that your current supports (family, friends,) don't seem to be engaged and you may feel that they've abandoned you.  I just hope that you don't spend what little energy you have in trying to get them to understand and help.  It is, what it is and in the meantime, you need to take care of yourself.  There is plenty of information out there; made available for people that want to understand and tips on how they can help.  I know that my loved-ones are not Google-challenged, so I have to accept that they have their own reasons for not making an effort.  I find that dwelling on it just takes up head-space and blocks my ability to remember why I love them. 

You're not alone.  We ALL need and deserve healthy supports in our lives, whether we have mental health issues or not.  We are not made to go through life alone.  I hope the websites help you locate long term healthy supports, a means to keep food on your table and an advocate to assist you with your legal matters.

Take good care.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: LuckyLou on December 03, 2015, 05:53:18 am
Hi peace I'm sorry I've been missing in action and I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I lived close by we could encourage each other. I have been isolating myself too so I know how hard this must be. I really hope for a speedy resolution for you.
Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: Dragonfly on December 03, 2015, 08:05:48 pm
Yes I wish the best for you Peace. Nice to hear from you LuckyLou. Sorry you are going through a rough time also.

Title: Re: Moving Date
Post by: LuckyLou on December 05, 2015, 11:06:58 am
Thanks dragonfly just the usual seasonal blues I'll get through it