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Messages - GrizzlyMantooth

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General Discussion / Re: loved ones being scared of you
« on: July 20, 2015, 04:24:25 pm »
thanks for the messages guys, sorry for the delay was on vacation across the country for my little sisters wedding. I thought the trip went pretty well considering the stressful nature of going back to family and wedding stuff, but when we got back yesterday my fiancee confessed that I had been rather distant and sometimes she couldn't find me around as I appeared to escape things. After thinking about it I guess I was a bit but it wasn't apparent at the time. I guess my standards are a little lower at the moment, if I don't have a panic attack it's more or less a success.

I'm much more relaxed now that I'm back in Toronto in my niche with the kittens. So hopefully I can come back down to earth a little more...

hope everyone is doing well!

General Discussion / Re: Laughing like crazy showcase
« on: July 20, 2015, 04:20:35 pm »
so who else has tickets for tomorrow?

I'd love to do some kind of self-defense to feel more empowered and self-confident but everything is always at a cost these days. If you find anything on the cheaper end in Toronto I'd love to hear about it.

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing
« on: July 20, 2015, 04:17:53 pm »
let us know how the camping trip went!

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing
« on: July 15, 2015, 02:13:40 pm »
Hey Dragonfly,

You should never feel like you are going on too much. We are all here to listen and get how important it is to get those nasty feelings out rather than festering and eating at the soul. I apparently left right before the humidity went crazy, so hopefully there's some left when I get back on the 19th (I secretly love it).

Your camping trip sounds like a lot of fun, I'm going to be camping on a beach for a couple days out west soon. What kind of camping are you and your family doing? As a kid I always looked forward to going those big extended family camping trips, everything just strips down to the basics and life is great.


General Discussion / Re: a few laughs(maybe)
« on: July 07, 2015, 02:09:41 pm »
the link is up now to book tickets for the comedy event this month. Booked my tickets, looking forward to it!

General Discussion / Re: loved ones being scared of you
« on: July 03, 2015, 01:15:29 am »
Hey paul, thanks for the response. and yeah I understand how I may have been drastically different than I usually am...It's just I am the same way as you in that I would never harm her or any woman. I absolutely despise the idea of domestic violence in any form. And she knows this, but I guess what I am having a hard time with is that I can reassure her afterwards but it's the knowledge that I now have that there is something inside of me that she knows is there that doesn't fit with the rest of me. It's the idea that she almost has to be "on guard" with me just in case type of thing that hurts. But at the same time, as you said, from her point of view it completely makes sense. it just kind of sucks and it's a complicated part of our relationship that I didn't anticipate having to live with.

General Discussion / loved ones being scared of you
« on: July 02, 2015, 04:16:11 pm »
Hey everyone,

So recently my fiancee (been together for 9 years) confided in me that there have been times when she is scared for her safety and mine. Most notably a year a bit ago we had argued over adopting our first kitten, which was very important to me. She wanted to wait 5 months and I was being borderline irrational about it. I just needed something to take care of and feel like I was needed in that visceral way...she didn't understand the dark place I was in, and even though I write and read for a living, I am pretty terrible at explaining how I feel. She just couldn't see how 5 months made a difference but it was life and death in my eyes....

I don't remember much of the time period other than that. I was very angry (it usually reflects inwardly) and empty, numb, lost you name it...not sure if the details are suppressed or I just don't have any memories other than that. But she says she was truly scared. Now I'm not upset that she was scared for my safety, since that is more plausible to me. the part that is tearing me up inside is that the person that I care about the most in this world didn't recognize me for who I was and that I would actually harm her. I`ve been trying to shake it but I can`t get over it.

Need some help here...

General Discussion / Re: New here...
« on: July 02, 2015, 02:07:50 pm »
Hey kyas!

Welcome to the group. I am pretty new myself but am always able to talk or listen if you need an ear, just pm me. I understand what you mean by having others treat you as your label and it took me a long time to even get help because of it. I do research on ethics of illness and the effects on identity in academia and it was a hard decision to come out and decide to use the label at all. There are good and bad things that come from it. But just know that you are not alone!
I look forward to getting to know eachother better.


I'm no legal expert or anything...but if you ever just need to rant and vent your anxieties feel free to pm me. I'm a good listener.

General Discussion / Re: a few laughs(maybe)
« on: June 27, 2015, 06:16:45 pm »
awesome! I live one street south on Wood st. so I am 5 minute walk away. Let us know when the reservations for tickets are up.

that sounds like a toxic environment for a child for sure. and the courts should be aware of it. perhaps discuss it with your son more and see if he might discuss it with his lawyer?

edit-I say this because the divorce lawyer would likely know the ins and outs of what you need to provide to the courts to make them aware of the severity of the issue. I doubt a custody judge would be alright knowing a child is being left by their mother in a place where there is criminal activity and bullying.

General Discussion / Re: a few laughs(maybe)
« on: June 27, 2015, 12:50:57 am »
is that the one at grosvenor and yonge?

General Discussion / Re: SSRI side effects
« on: June 27, 2015, 12:45:55 am »
yeah I had to do a bunch of EKG's when I went up past 30mg because there was a study with a similar chemical structure as cipralex which caused heart problems above 20 or 30mg. So my doctor wanted to play it safe.

Also, he mentioned Wellbutrin in our last meetinng but made some comment about how it might not be good for me because of my bodily symptoms...I'll have to ask him again when I see him though.

thanks for the feedback Peter

General Discussion / Re: SSRI side effects
« on: June 26, 2015, 11:34:06 pm »
thanks dragonfly, yeah I've found the stuff I'm taking now doesn't help as much with depressive cycles than it does with just overall every day kind of anxiety stuff. Before I started taking it I wasn't able to really function at all, make phone calls, check my bank account, talk to a stranger, etc. it would throw me into a panic attack. Also has helped with bodily anxiety, don't feel like I'm shaking and heart racing like there is a bear in the room lol.

so that's kind of the main reason I don't want to start experimenting because if I get back to that stage and it triggers some kind of depressive state. I just scares the shit out of me as you all understand I'm sure...

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