MDAO Forum

Support for People with Mood Disorders => General Discussion => Topic started by: mmarynuk on October 14, 2014, 03:35:21 pm

Title: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
Post by: mmarynuk on October 14, 2014, 03:35:21 pm
I am literally going through a horrible time right now.. I am awaiting approval for ODSP and have no medication coverage at the moment. Well after 12 years together me and my partner got married a few weeks ago and it has gone down hill since.. I am trying to control my temper but it is becoming harder and harder to do..

It started today with him getting mad at me for something that was out of my control (picking up an item while the weather is crappy out and we do not drive) It started with the normal "what do you want me to do about it?" type of question. I see it as since it is horrible out then we will pass on the item and find another at a later date. Well this turned into him getting mad at me and then me loosing it. I asked him to stop multiple times as i knew that i would not be able to take that for long before an outburst. I told him that i would not tolerate being treated like that and then he brings up the well if you want to leave then feel free to..

I have been married before and it did not turn out well and now i fear that it will happen again and that I am a failure. I am honestly trying to do my best but it never seems to work out in my favor. It just seems like we were fine until we got married. He keeps saying well it is hard to live with you while you are not medicated. This i can understand as i have a hard enough time dealing with what is in my head all by myself. I know i am not the only one to go through this and feel this way but at the same time i feel very alone.

I cannot talk to him about it as when i do, he only gives me one or two word conversations and it leave me even more confused, upset and alone.
Title: Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
Post by: Dragonfly on October 14, 2014, 06:58:44 pm
Hi mmarynuk,

Glad you found this forum. You are not a failure.
If you are unable to afford medication you can apply to trillium. They will pay you a certain amount for your drugs and pay the rest. They base the amount you have to pay on what you earn and your husband together. Their is information about this on the internet. I applied a long time ago and I can't remember too well the details.
Probably other members on the forum would know more than me.
I admit it was tough for my husband to live me with my mental illness. He always supported me. He could empathize with me but didn't really know what I was going through.
There is information on how a spouse can try to cope and understand mental illness.
Welcomel to you mmarynuk. We are a very friendly, caring, non-judgmental group. We try to help each other out. What you write is very important to you. You relating your situation could help one of us.

Thinking of you.

Title: Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
Post by: paulm on October 15, 2014, 12:48:29 am
Hello mmarynuk and welcome to the forum. It is tough at times to be married and tougher still to be married and have a mental illness. I can't advise you on how to deal with your spouse, I can only say how my life with my spouse works and perhaps it may help. It might not help either, but nothing that follows is intended as a criticism. Part of this forums purpose is to allow people to vent out some of life's frustrations. Having bipolar can certainly be frustrating.

 In regards to meds, Trillium can certainly help, but there is still a cost.$File/014-S46850E-87.pdf   If you scroll down to about page 20 you can see what it would cost quarterly.

 The other option is that sometimes your doctor may be able to give you or get for you some free samples to hold you over for a mth or so. Not all docs will do that, but some will.

 My spouse is whale of a gal, but I can be pretty miserable when I don't take my meds.  She has also learned that when I don't take my meds(hasn't happened in a long time now), I'm not the most reasonable person in the world, so she used to shut me out. There was no sense trying to have a discussion with me as I wasn't reasonable.  I might have been right, but being right and being reasonable were ttwo different things when my moods were wrong.

 Even today, I can still be hard to deal with if my moods aren't right, so  my wife and I have come up with a plan that if it isn't earth shattering, need to be discussed right now topic, then we will let it sit till a pre determined date when we will be both cooled off. It took us quite a while to figure out how to do that.

 We still have arguments, but we both try and stop them before we both start to say destructive things to each other. 

 I hope that you can find a way to try and get some meds and a way to settle your disputes before they reach the "I'm going to leave " stage. Those types of arguments are hard on everyone.

 Don't get me wrong, I can certainly feel sympathy for you situation and I can understand you feeling very alone right now. However as has been said, we are friendly and we do try and understand, so please feel free to post on here. Then perhaps you won't feel so alone. Take Care. paul m

Title: Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
Post by: mmarynuk on October 15, 2014, 01:45:27 pm
Sadly i was denied for trillium as soon as they found out i have applied for ODSP, they say they can help if and when i am denied.. I left him alone for a few hours the other night and he came and apologized to me and since then it has been alot better..

This is the first time i have been off my meds and the only medication that my doctor can get for me is Ciprolex but we all know that unless i have my mood stabilizer that it is bad to take an anti-depressant by itself...

I have been on meds for bipolar and panic disorder since i was a young child. I was diagnosed with bipolar when i was 4 and then diagnosed with agoraphobia with panic disorder at 8.. Applying for ODSP was a pain as my medical records were at 2 different hospitals and a bunch of doctors... I am now 6 weeks in after submitting my package back so i will hopefully get a letter soon...
Title: Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
Post by: NeitherHereNorThere on October 16, 2014, 11:04:48 am
I'm sorry you're having such a run around mmarynuk.  I don't want to intrude on your personal affairs but I'm confused about Trillium refusing you.  Your future plans are non of their business.  The application is to determine if your are "now" eligible for assistance.  I was working when they approved me--as their only concern was what my income was.  In addition to being approved, Social Services paid my Trillium deductible.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure what kind of advice would be helpful to you.  In the past, I have called my local politicians office and received very helpful advice.  Sometimes, there is strength in numbers and having a big-wig in your corner can make all the difference.  It would be helpful to keep in mind that these people that we deal with, are humans with their own moods and prejudices.

I worked at Social Services during my college years and I can tell you that they make exceptions for people that they have a good feeling about.  Although they have strict rules and guidelines, the workers did not report some people after finding out that they were working under-the-table.

Fighting for yourself is extremely exhausting but we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I hope this helps.

Title: Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
Post by: mmarynuk on October 16, 2014, 11:35:25 am
In my case as my ODSP is in front of the review board and has been for 6 weeks now we are waiting on an approval or a denial letter from them before trillium will do anything.. I will hear back within the next 6 weeks as it can take up to 3 months for ODSP to review my medicals and make a decision.. If i was only in the first stage of meeting with ODSP and having my papers filled out they would have helped but it takes time and a decision could quite possibly already be in the mail for me so i do see there point with this.