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Topics - Peace

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General Discussion / Not doing well continued
« on: June 21, 2016, 05:12:53 am »
I started a new thread so people don't have to scroll down.

Situation at home has escalated. Won't get into detail because it's upsetting.

Spoke with my councillor at my local women's shelter. She's good, by the way. I'm an external client so there's only so much she can do. She gave me another place to contact because she thought they did outreach. I phoned the other place and she said they don't do outreach. I said I have agoraphobia, could they make an exception. She said the view around people with agoraphobia is they want you to face your fear. I said my agoraphobia is complicated by my OCD in that when change takes place I panic. I explained that when my psychiatrist changes our regular appointment it can set me back for a couple of months. I was trying to explain I don't have the standard agoraphobia, mine is more complicated. She didn't give me the chance to go further and explain it sets me back so badly because it involves me having to leave my home more than once that month and change my routine. Right away she said their counsellors sometimes have to change appointment times and was throwing up other barriers around me getting help from them. I was panicking. She referred me to places closer to my home I've already contacted and are 2 buses and a walk away so I made note of them to try to attend once my agoraphobia has improved.

I'm sorry for venting again, I'm just so exhausted from all this. I don't know where else to go to talk to, so I come here.

I decided now I guess I need to not go into so much detail, I need to just say my agoraphobia is complicated by other health issues. End of story.

Someone with my health should not have to do all this legwork and be given the run around like this. It's ridiculous. It also has caused me to lose hope and believe no one actually gives a crap about me

Thank you for listening.  :'(

General Discussion / Not doing well
« on: June 02, 2016, 04:40:18 am »
There was a case conference yesterday for me. I'm the one who requested it in my home due to my agoraphobia. Many were on board with coming to my home, but CMHA insisted it be in their office.

I got an email yesterday that 2 people were coming to my home before the meeting. I had no clue why so I spent the night before thinking up all the scenarios

They were asking me things I couldn't answer and I was told "I don't take time out of my day normally for these". I said I'm anxious, if you email me your questions, I can answer. Then I hung my head and apologized. That person said "she's going to need case management for 2 to 4 years" to her associate.

Then when I got to the meeting I was left in the waiting area alone even though I had made it clear I would need support waiting. I think they went for a cigarette. There was an automatic door close to me opening and closing that was driving me nuts, really close to where I was sitting. I was told I would need to be more functional for the meeting. That there will always be opening and closing doors. I said I'm sorry, I'm having a bad day. I was told I need to stop saying that, if it continues I'm always going to believe it's a bad day.

I was told you have to push through the anxiety on bad days and practise exposure, even though I did thorough investigation into exposure therapy and you shouldn't attempt on bad days because if you don't do well on those days you'll not want to try again.

I prepared a well thought out document about my needs and goals, because the purpose was to look at my needs and goals and each place to say "we can help with that". They barely touched on the document. When I tried to bring it back to the document I was told this is more for one person who was at the meeting, even though it was for each place to say "I can help with that".

All I heard continually was what each place couldn't do and what I don't qualify for.

They've been pushing CAMH on me, when my psychiatrist and I already looked at it together and decided it was repetition of therapy I already had and not OCD specific therapy, and the psychiatrist at CAMH won't do a phone or cam assessment interview, so I'd have to go to downtown Toronto for the appointment.

After some people left I was visibly upset. The same person asked me why and I said because I didn't get to hear what each place can do for me. The same person said each place had already told me that. Honestly, all I heard was the reason why each place couldn't help and the reason I didn't qualify for this service and that service.

I said I'm okay with therapy, but it needs to be exposure and response prevention therapy for OCD, and the same person said my worker was going to give me exposure therapy (meaning the agoraphobia exposure therapy). I had the exposure therapy previously from someone who could take me places in their vehicle, and the new person can only walk in my neighbourhood with me, which I'm okay with doing, but would also like to focus on whether it can be found from another source who can go to actual public places with me.

I tried to explain exposure therapy is for agoraphobia, but exposure and response therapy is for OCD. OCD is my primary diagnosis and severe. My agoraphobia is complicated by my OCD in that change is hard for people with OCD and if change takes place when I go out in public I panic. My response to that was met with "you're batting down every idea given to you."

I said I knew it was going to turn into this and ran from the room.

I sent an email to one of the places "helping" me saying to please explain their policies on agoraphobia, that the information is needed when I write to Central West Lin (who funds them) and other government organizations about the lack of treatment for my conditions.

I have fought so hard and advocated so hard for myself for a very long time, and to be told I'm batting down every suggestion given to me after all the other negative feedback I was given that day has left me numb.

General Discussion / Need advice
« on: February 22, 2016, 06:43:26 pm »
Hi everyone,

I was hoping to connect with someone who has been exposed to abuse or who has experience in that area.

I need 2 things:

1. Advice on how to survive/escape the name calling.

2. Tips on how to keep myself from making simple requests of a person who is totally unreasonable.

I'm pretty desperate about this.

Thank you

General Discussion / Hugs and Extra Support Needed
« on: January 15, 2016, 07:44:43 pm »
An example of my ex-spouse: My youngest daughter brought home her graduation photo. The cost was $35 plus tax and delivery fee for one photo. My ex-spouse said to me "can you cover it, I'm tapped out". I hesitated because he has ripped me off financially over and over. I spoke to my sister and she said this is a special memory for her, cover it, so I did. Since then he's spent a ton of money. I said "I thought you were tapped out". His reply was "you must have misunderstood what I said". I am 100% positive of what he said.

I say ex-spouse because even though we haven't gone through the official separation procedures, we aren't living together as man and wife. He likes to say to me "we aren't really in a relationship".

He made some proposals to me. I sent them to my brother and sister. They both said the options are very one-sided, favouring him.

I've been trying since the end of August to get some help so I'm able to live independently. I'm exhausted from it, and sadly no further ahead. The mental health system is extremely flawed.

I am still seaching for a lawyer. The search for help to live independently put that on a back burner. The OCD is making it take longer than it would otherwise.

I need help to stay strong.

General Discussion / I don't understand
« on: November 10, 2015, 05:10:26 pm »
Does anyone know how someone can want so much materialistically in their life? My husband has been looking at sports cars. He does not make a lot of money. We just put our first daughter through university. It's time to put our 2nd daughter through, and we're short. He doesn't want to "step back" after the separation and move to a modest house, and yet he doesn't want to adjust his lifestyle to save so he can live where he wants.

I honestly don't understand.

General Discussion / Probate Fees and Estate Taxation
« on: October 29, 2015, 10:57:11 am »
Hi everyone  :)

I started to look online myself, but with my OCD I spent a number of hours and wasn't able to find an actual answer. I don't want to take up anyone's time if you don't have the time to help, but here is the information I'm looking for:

What happens to the following asset when it's left to a child over 18 years of age, and when it's left to a spouse, as far as being subject to probate and taxation:

1. RSP money. I know for a child over 18 the money would be taxed. For a spouse it would not be taxed. I'm not certain
    about probate fees.

2. A home where the home passes along to the spouse due to the name on the title (tenants in common). Subject to
    probate and taxation? Included in the calculation of probate fees (making proceeds of RSP money left to children over
   18 less)?

3. Money held in a joint bank account with a spouse. Subject to probate and taxation? Included in the calculation of
    probate fees or taxed in any way (making proceeds of RSP money left to children over 18 less)?

4. Money held in a non-joint bank account. Included in the calculation of probate fees (making proceeds of RSP money left
    to children over 18 less)?

Those are the questions I'm looking for answers to. I'm planning once the separation is finalized to re-do my will, but it doesn't make sense to see a lawyer for a formal will right now, and I need answers to those questions to make some decisions now.  I don't expect anyone to have the answers, but if you have links to the answers that would help me SO much.

Thanks again for being here for me. I'm really struggling.


General Discussion / Moving Date
« on: October 24, 2015, 01:26:39 am »
Hi everyone  :)

I went to the drug store today. It was very hard and I was very anxious. I don't know how I'm going to live alone.

My husband's latest plan is for me to move out of the house in the Spring and for him to buy me out. He made some comment about him not having the money to pay me upfront and that I would have to trust him. He is not a trustworthy man. I will not be ready to live on my own in the Spring.

I also just realized he wants to keep the furniture in the house. I'm going to need a lot of strength to not be taken advantage of. He's already talking about how financially tight it's going to be for him. I've been with him long enough to know he'll pull out every angle he can think of to get as much from me as he can.

I'm asking everyone to continue to keep me strong and to not waiver throughout this (as you've always done).

I'm very scared.


General Discussion / Need to talk and question
« on: October 04, 2015, 09:14:58 am »
I just wanted to share a bit an example of what my life has been like.

Last Sunday was a bad OCD day for me. I went to the kitchen to get my dinner. My husband was in the connecting family room watching TV. When my OCD is bad I have a low tolerance for noise. I asked my husband to turn the tv down. He told me I'm not normal. I returned to the basement. My oldest daughter overheard and told him he was wrong to say that. I went back upstairs to bring the laundry in from outside. He told me to give him a 15 minute warning for when I wanted to eat. I went out to bring the laundry in and had forgotten how much of a warning I had to give so I asked him. He told me I was wacko. He made the gesture people make by saying someone is crazy by twirling his index finger around his ear. I decided to get my dinner and return back downstairs to eat it. During the time I was getting my dinner he called me wacko around 7 more times. I went downstairs to eat my dinner. Around 10 minutes later and for no reason out of the blue he started singing "oh it's so nice to be with you, I love all the things you say and do." I was crying and choking while I was trying to eat.

This is just one example of what my life has been like, it's by no means an isolated incident.

Now to my question. My psychiatrist is encouraging me to get a two bedroom apartment. He said I won't be able to pay child support during the time my youngest is attending university. He told me I'm entitled to spousal support. I said to my psychiatrist that I care about my husbands future and wouldn't claim spousal support. My psychiatrist said based on what I've told him over the years I have every right to claim it. I feel guilty about thinking about spousal support.

My situation: I receive money from CPPD that is taxed. I receive money from my work disability insurance provider that is not taxed. A website I looked at said the calculation is based on gross income and gave a formula for general cases.

The potential exists that if they factor in that my husbands money is taxed and my work disability is not and increase the amount I receive based on that I could end up owing spousal support. Does anyone know a link where this might be mentioned? I've looked myself and haven't found anything.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to get whatever I can from my husband because that is not at all the type of person I am.

I will be finding and seeing a lawyer soon. I'm working on finding support right now and on ways to ensure my youngest daughters education is paid for.

Thanks again everyone for listening to me and for your support and feedback. It means so much to me.  :)

General Discussion / Thank You
« on: September 27, 2015, 08:30:42 pm »
Paul and Dragonfly,

You've both given me some very valuable links, information, and support recently. You always have given me support, but what you've both provided to me in the last little while has helped me immensely. Much appreciated!  :)

General Discussion / Moral Dilemna
« on: September 16, 2015, 08:42:36 am »
My husband approached me a couple of weeks ago with a proposition. He's been looking at the prices of houses and feels he won't be happy living in the area he can afford with his portion of the proceeds from the sale of the house. His words were that it's a step down.

He had written up what he would offer me if I moved into an apartment and he stayed with my daughters in our home. He presented it in a family meeting 2 days before he left on a trip. My daughters never should have been included in that meeting. It was quite upsetting. His thought was we could discuss it together and I could give him an answer when he got back from his trip. He was going to give me half of the money for his motorcycle, which he has up for sale but is not selling, and keep me on his insurance policy and benefit package. He said he would help me get groceries. No money to me for my portion of the house. When I thought this through I realized he's been planning this for at least a couple of months. He'd even gone to see apartments I could move into and had brochures and information on the cost of rent.

It's very hard to find out how badly someone wants you out of their life.

I know the move and separation will disrupt my daughters, and there's even a part of me that cares about the position he'll be in. I'm agonizing over this. I'm very close to my daughters and both have talked to me about their future. I'm so scared the youngest will not attend post-secondary education if my husband doesn't purchase where it's accessible for her, and she's been talking about going since grade 7. I will do my best to find a place myself that will be accessible to both her job and college/university, but I'm limited by my need to be close to shopping. The areas I've thought of that meet these needs are very concrete without much greenery and not appealing.

My husband said if my disability gets cut off he will put the house up for sale. Currently it needs a fair amount of work. I don't trust him, and neither does my sister or my doctor.

My youngest was talking to me about her options last week and I was considering moving into a room somewhere so they could stay in the house to ensure she completes post-secondary education.

A huge part of my stress has been the lack of financial security I've felt throughout my marriage. I believe we'd be between $200,000 and $300,000 further ahead if he'd been less materialistic. I've sacrificed so much for so many years to offset this. I keep trying to remind myself of that when the guilt eats at me. Why should I continue to sacrifice? He's made no effort at all to slow down his spending so he'll have the money he needs to purchase a home that meets his standards, my oldest daughter believes his spending has increased. There's also the fact that he's nagged me to death until I've done what he wants from day one, and I don't want to continue that.

I told him when he returned from his trip Sunday that I need the proceeds from the sale of the house. It was a very hard decision for me to arrive at and I'm agonizing over it. Last night he tried convincing me again to allow him and my daughters to stay in the house. I was crying and he was still trying to talk me into it. He became very verbally abusive.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for not agreeing to what he wants.

Another book.  ??? Thank you for listening.

General Discussion / Need a Social Worker
« on: September 05, 2015, 05:21:59 pm »
Hi everyone,

I have agoraphobia,fibromyalgia, and arthritis. I will be in need of services to grocery shop, pick up prescriptions, help me attend doctor's appointments, etc. One organization I contacted suggested I get a social worker to help find which services could assist me.

Does anyone know of organizations (volunteer or government paid) that help with these tasks, and/or how I would go about getting a social worker?

Thank you!

General Discussion / Family Law - Separation
« on: August 22, 2015, 10:02:42 am »
Hi everyone,

I know this isn't the best place to ask these questions, but I'm having a horrible time finding answers. OCD is making it extremely difficult. I couldn't find my answers on the internet. Friends, family, and doctor do not have the name of a lawyer in my area. The lawyer I did call did not return my call.

Sadly, my husband and I are putting our home up for sale next summer sometime once some repairs have been completed, and parting ways. I have no clue how I'll manage since going to my doctor and social organization once a month are extremely difficult for me and I'm physically ill for 2 or 3 days before (agoraphobia). My husband and I have been living separately, but in the same house, for approximately 5 years. Him upstairs and me downstairs.

Other than the home I live in and that I have food to eat I live in poverty to offset my husbands excessive spending. As an example, my slippers are so torn apart I have to remove them to walk downstairs or risk falling.

In May I opened my own bank account and moved half of our joint account to that account. I know when we part ways there will be a greater amount of money in my account. I'm looking for a sense of fairness and to ensure I have enough money to live off of when we no longer live in the same home.

My questions:

If I file for legal separation now through a lawyer is it 100% guaranteed from the date I file my husband would not be entitled to half of my bank account?

My husband claims my disability tax credit on his income tax. I'm entitled to half of his refund attributed to that credit. Can he claim the credit if we're legally separated?

I know I should ask these questions of a lawyer. The thing is I can't find one, they are not calling me back even to set up an appointment to see them, I'm very ill leaving my home to see one, and they are very expensive. Filing now, then having an amendment made next year when we figure out who the children live with, will cost a fortune so may not be worth it. Goodness knows I've tried very, very hard to obtain legal advice.

Even if you don't have the answers, a link to somewhere that does have the answers, would be greatly appreciated. Any and all other advice and/or support is appreciated as well.

Thank you SO much!


General Discussion / Checking In
« on: April 16, 2015, 11:28:31 am »
Hi everyone,

I've been somewhat preoccupied with other things, and haven't been here for a while. I just wanted to check in to let everyone know that I'm hanging in there to the best of my abilities. My OCD is often unbearable at times, and my Agoraphobia is severe. I do try to walk every 2nd night and have been successful to some degree with that. I do have days where I can cope somewhat.

How is everyone else doing?

Miss you all.

General Discussion / I don't feel good
« on: January 10, 2015, 11:08:22 am »
Sorry everyone. It's the honest truth and I don't know what to do or where to turn. I know I'm not giving a lot of detail. I just needed to reach out to anonymous friends.

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