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Messages - k9sedona

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General Discussion / Silence in arguments
« on: April 14, 2015, 08:41:32 am »
My mate is furious about something and won't tell me what (4 days now). I guessed at the issue yesterday and where appropriate, apologized. But the anger continues and frankly, she scares me. Her anger terrifies me. Last night I felt cornered. If I went to bed with her, I'd wake her up and if I didn't, she'd be mad that I didn't (we've had that discussion). I decided in the interest of self-care, that I wasn't going to inject myself into a scary situation (sleeping together) which this morning, felt good - Sunday night I couldn't catch my breath when she came in after me, I was so anxious. This morning, She did not storm down to the basement as is her pattern, which was a relief.

It takes 2 to be in a relationship and I can't read her mind. She "doesn't have anger issues", yet doomed conversations escalate quickly and loudly into black and white, all or nothing and I am the sole cause of our problems; what I do, say, who I am, etc. Yet, last week, we exchanged genuine "I love you" statements throughout the days, every day so to go from that to this is very confusing. I've asked her what is wrong in the past (as this is not a one-of situation) and get the "you don't know?","I'm not going to tell you" crap. I'm looking to do something different this time (again) but I don't know what... Any ideas?

What I think is: not communicating the problem is abuse, maintaining anger that she knows scares me is abuse, being angry if I do or don't sleep with her is nasty. Leaves me in quite the state of fear.

I'm really quite terrified of her anger - which can sometimes be described as rage.

Any thoughts?

General Discussion / Re: Doctor's believing me
« on: December 20, 2014, 10:05:33 pm »
Wow Paul. I didn't know about the appeal piece so thank you for the head' up.

My depression bottomed out last Monday and I've been at CAMH ever since. My meds are finally going to be reviewed and some support provided while here and then in outpatients. Bipolar is being tossed around and before, I'd have rejected that. But these past 2-3 months have just been nuts. So we'll see. Does it happen quickly I wonder? Like, I can be high as a kite one hour and in the pit in the next. At any rate, its exhausting. But here I am safe and haven't felt suicidal all day!

General Discussion / Re: Doctor's believing me
« on: December 12, 2014, 03:17:43 pm »

There has been an interesting development with my GP in Ottawa who without my knowledge, wrote to the MOT stating I should not be driving and that is why my license was suspended. The MTO are happy to forward those medical records to me so I'll be able to get to the bottom of this. Given this, I've decided I do not want my new GP to have my old records. Which I'd have to pay her to transfer them anyway. (I wonder how much she'd charge per key stroke...) Who knows what is in those records.

Consequently, now that I have acquired some control of my situation again, my mood has jumped and I feel excellent! Looking forward to next week and potential developments!

Best to us all!


General Discussion / Re: Doctor's believing me
« on: December 09, 2014, 07:58:46 pm »
Thanks... I actually left Ottawa and that doctor and returned to TO in July She hasn't sent my records yet (5 months of requesting so far) and once I hear from the Privacy Commission, any day now, I will report to the College.

I've been up more than half the day today. Better than the last 5. Maybe there's some hope. Are there support groups in TO that are decent? We live at St. Clair and Jane... Can TTC it of course... Depression is the big issue...


General Discussion / Doctor's believing me
« on: December 06, 2014, 06:36:21 pm »
(So, I'm not making this up - you can't make this much up!) This time last year I made a serious an attempt to end my life. Failed in my attempt to get to the river and ended up in the hospital. But after the first and only pdoc (who laughed that my blood alcohol level was so high) no one talked to me - like seriously, not a single soul asked how I was doing or inquired into my state. One nurse said she was going to but then went onto another task and never returned. My family doc told my wife that "I wasn't serious", that I was "seeking attention". Sure as hell was real for me.... She then ceased taking my calls at her office. I didn't know this until about a month ago and that explained why I couldn't get to her (for non-psych issues). Now I suspect that is part of my chart and that ER's are no longer a resource.

Last night I found myself in the same state and curled up under a table in the basement. I commented to my wife this morning that maybe I should go to the ER, that I wasn't feeling safe at all and she discouraged that but did spend the day with me. If I'm alone and not doing well, shouldn't the ER be a resource?

Anyone else with problems convincing professionals that you ARE serious?

General Discussion / Re: Introduction
« on: December 06, 2014, 05:57:18 pm »
Like so many I too have an alcohol problem/addiction/whatever it is called these days... I can't manage the pain of the "Pit" so I drink which doesn't help of course. But it does give me a couple of precious hours back out in the world. I think I have an apt this week to reassess my meds, which haven't been adjusted in 15-20 years. This time of year is always bad until the snow flies, then the light reflected from the city makes things bright again... Something has to change...

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