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Messages - paulm

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General Discussion / Re: I"m back
« on: August 19, 2014, 12:18:58 am »
Hello Melba11. I'm glad to see that you found us. Sorry to hear about your father. I hope that you can continue to keep up a positive self care program. Take Care. paul m

Hello Daniel. I'll agree with that. Take Care. paul m

Hello Dragonfly. You said " When you are that severely depressed your self worth is zero. You feel that your family would be better off without you." I agree 100% with you. I've often felt that way. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / People who may have missed the switch
« on: August 14, 2014, 11:07:50 pm »
Hello Everyone. I know that a lot of you have found the new forum. However there were some casual posters who may not know that we have moved. People like Father George, Meow or Not Lost to think of just a few.

 I have sent out emails to some of them, but I don't have Meow's or Father Georges email. So if anyone can send people who may have once been on the forum an email showing where we moved to, I would appreciate it. Thx and Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: high stress, lack of sleep, and hypomania...
« on: August 14, 2014, 10:51:21 pm »
Hello HSG. Glad that you are feeling better now. Take Care. paul m

Hello HSG. I agree that Robin Williams death was upsetting. However as one of the symptoms of Parkinsons is increased depression in some, I can see how that might have pushed him over the edge. For those of us with Parkinsons, it's a daily battle as one problem after another slowly pops up until the end. For some people with Parkinsons that can be pretty harsh. Although it's often a slow moving illness, it's always there and it slowly gets worse.

 Interesting that you should mention creativity and mental illness. I can't say whether I agree or disagree that there is a link. To me the jury is still out. I just wrote about it on another forum and because I'm lazy(LOL) I will just cut and paste part of my answer here.

 There is no doubt in my mind that a lot of people with bipolar(the mental illness I am most familiar with) are very creative, but as a whole are we more creative than others?

There have been a ton of studies done on it. Some say yes, some say no. There are several problems when trying to come up with accurate statistics. The first, who is really mentally ill and even when that is decided, were they ever properly surveyed to determine their creativity.

Until recently most with a diagnosed mental illness hid that fact from family, friends and society when possible. This did not matter whether they were rich or poor, creative or not and they certainly did not take part in any sort of survey to determine genius or creativity . That makes it very difficult to get any sort of accurate study done. Additionally,because of their illness, many worked at substandard jobs thus limiting their chances to become creative. Work a 10-12 hr day at heavy labour and it's difficult to be creative.(or don't work at all)

Even today, the number of people with bipolar is more of a guess than an accurate figure with guesses ranging from 1% to 5% or between 70 and 350 million people. That's a heck of a large range,automatically building in problems with accuracy of any study.

Plus a lot of the studies and articles are based on anecdotal material. Many articles quote Kay Redfield Jamison's book Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. Touched With Fire presents the argument that bipolar disorder, and affective disorders more generally, may be found in a disproportionate number of people in creative professions such as actors, artists, comedians, musicians, authors, performers and poets.

Even if that were true, that is putting a severe limit on what is creativity. A civil engineer may be very creative and come up with wonderful designs, but Ms Jamison doesn't seem to count that type of creativity in her count. Nor does she include the pure creative genius of diamond cutters, some diamond thieves and countless other professions who may be just a creative, but suffer from no higher or lower degree of mental illness than the rest of the population.

Most people that I know well that have bipolar are like me  Not very creative when they are depressed, normally creative when they are normal and when hypomanic they show varying degrees of extra creativity.

 An interesting article in Scientific American. In it they quote a variety of items, but in particular a Swedish study about creativity. Swedish studies tend to be reasonably accurate because they are the only ones who have done long term studies on their population. I mean long term, up to 40 yrs and involving up to 1.2 million people in this case. 

 The article

  draws some interesting conclusions about mental illness and creativity. Take Care. paul m

 Hello Daniel. I'll disagree with Mr Wallace a little bit when he says "The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill themselves doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing."

 At the point just prior to one of my attempts, I felt that my life was hopeless and death seemed the most appealing choice. There was no terror involved, I had made peace with my decision and I looked forward to dying. I was disappointed when I failed in my attempt.

 My other attempt was as a result of pretty much as Mr Wallace has described, I felt trapped between a rock and a hard place and I chose what I considered the less painful way out. Take Care. paul m


General Discussion / Re: I'm back on....
« on: August 10, 2014, 10:24:24 pm »
Hello Peter. Well if your gall bladder is back to normal least something about you is normal LOL. Just kidding, you are as normal as I am LOL.

 I hope that you find out what is wrong. I know that having something wrong and not being able to find out what can be very stressful. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Set Back and Thank You
« on: August 08, 2014, 11:49:50 pm »
Hello Peace. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a terrible experience with the mental health system and I don't blame you for being upset.

 As long as I've been hanging around the mental health system it has always been beyond me to comprehend who gets help and who doesn't.

 I hope that your worker will reconsider. Unfortunately each CMHA is run a little differently  so I can't advise you on the exact process to ask them to reconsider. However you may want to call the workers supervisor (or have someone call them for you) and advise the supervisor why you feel that you still need support.

 In some places it's the supervisor that determines who gets cut and who doesn't . Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: CAMH
« on: August 08, 2014, 11:37:14 pm »
Hello Everyone. Actually CAMH 3 locations in Toronto, although the College and Spadina and the Russel St one are practically in the place(if I remember correctly LOL). CAMH is also collaborating with 9 other sites across the province.

 However the Stokes site is basically at the Queen St address. For easy viewing just click on the link below. Take Care. paul m,+Toronto,+ON+M6J+1H4/@43.6435848,-79.4185408,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m2!3m1!1s0x882b34fdf1fccb53:0x5fbb9a06a129f2c1?hl=en

General Discussion / Re: CAMH
« on: August 04, 2014, 07:17:08 pm »
Hello Peace. It's been so long since I was at CAMH I can't remember where I parked. However there is a website that does tell you about parking costs in general terms     I've never used it, so I don't know.

 When I go into the depths of T.O. I usually park my car at a northern subway parking lot and TTC it. I find it easier and cheaper, however not everyone can stand riding on a bus etc.

 If you have an accessible parking permit(formerly handicap permit), you can park on a number of side streets for free. For details   

 Good Luck with your appt. Take Care. paul m  P.S. to all. The Accessible Parking Permit, is still blue and has a person sitting in a wheel chair like the old Handicapped parking permit. The biggest difference now is that people with severe anxiety issues qualify for the permit. This allows them or their driver to park closer to facilities. You do need a doctors signature on the form, but you do not need a drivers lic to obtain one and they are free. As a bonus many cities offer some areas where people with the permit do not have to pay for parking. You have to be careful, as some cities like T.O. let you park for free at some meters and not at others.   

General Discussion / Re: I'm back on....
« on: August 04, 2014, 06:50:29 pm »
Hello Peter. I hope everything works out ok. I'm in an area like Dragonfly, they seem to think that 2 wks is breaking a record to get your results back. Take Care. paul m

Depression and Bipolar / Re: What's in our feel better Tool Belt?
« on: August 02, 2014, 11:08:56 pm »
Hello Dragonfly and welcome to the new forum. I am looking forward to becoming a grandfather, but in the short term people arranging baby showers etc is slowly driving me a little crazy LOL. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Hello Everyone
« on: August 02, 2014, 11:02:54 pm »
Hello Momfeelinglost, Soozan and Rich. I'm glad that you all found us as you all have made great contributions to the old forum( that goes for you too LuckyLou and Peace).

 I too am having to find my way around. Take Care. paul m


General Discussion / Re: high stress, lack of sleep, and hypomania...
« on: August 02, 2014, 10:56:26 pm »
Hello HSG. I'm glad that you found us.

 Prolonged lack of sleep always triggers some form of hypomania or worse with me. I always keep a bit of seroquel around for the times when I just can't get settled for several days in a row.

 It does sound like you are pretty aware. Good Luck with everything. Take Care. paul m

General Discussion / Re: Hello Everyone
« on: August 02, 2014, 01:27:43 am »
Hello LuckyLou. Good to hear from you. Keeping our heads above the water sounds so simple, but I know just how difficult that can be. I hope that you not only keep your head above water, but that someday you will be able to float easily  :). Take Care. paulm 

Depression and Bipolar / Re: What's in our feel better Tool Belt?
« on: August 02, 2014, 01:21:57 am »
Hello Myriad. Interesting topic.  You and Lucky Lou have already hit a lot of mine, so I will try and add a few different ones.

 I try and get the same amount of sleep each week, no more, no less.

 I try and get some sweat exercise in at least 3X per week and no, sweat exercise isn't walking on the beach on a hot day LOL

 I try to take my meds at the same time each day.

 I try to be honest with my pdoc (that can be harder than it sounds  :))

 I try not to become obsessed over things that I cannot control.

 I try and be patient. (with varying degrees of success  :))

 I try to realize that an a**hole will always be an a**hole and not to get worked up by their comments. There is no way that I'm going to change their opinions, no matter how wonderful my arguments are. Better to just smile and walk away.

 I try to avoid as many triggers as I can

 When the little hamster in my brain gets spinning in it's cage a little to fast I try to concentrate to slow it down.

 I try to remember that sometimes that I just need to be alone.

 When I slip up and don't follow my own rules, I try to learn from that rather than berate myself for slipping up.

 I always try and remember that I'm a good person with a bad illness, not a bad person with good excuses.

 I try to remember that I'm not alone.  Take Care. paulm


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