MDAO Forum

Support for People with Mood Disorders => General Discussion => Topic started by: Peace on June 27, 2017, 08:15:14 am

Title: Family Illness
Post by: Peace on June 27, 2017, 08:15:14 am
I found out Friday my brother has stage 4 pancreatic cancer that has spread to his liver and lymph nodes. Surgery is not an option. He has started a 12 week round of chemotherapy.

My psychiatrist cancelled my July appointment for an appointment of his own, and is on vacation in August. My minister that I had been walking with each Thursday is on vacation in July. I have no support to help me through this and I don't know if I can cope.


Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Stenacron man on June 27, 2017, 12:29:37 pm
Hi Peace do you have any local friends that you can hang with ?

Buddy Mack.
Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Dragonfly on June 27, 2017, 01:02:18 pm
Peace I am so sorry about your brother.

Do you have any other family members that can support you or friends. I have used the crisis line quite a few times. Some of my darker moments usually hit in the evening or on the weekend when no one else was around to support me. It did help me.

Anytime you need support please let us know on the forum. We care about you.

Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: paulm on June 27, 2017, 10:41:36 pm
Hello Peace. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.   I'm having problems with my internet right now, so I can't look up much for you, but you might want to call your local hospice and see if they have any suggestions in regard to support. I also don't know if there any support groups for that particular cancer and their loved ones. 

 As Dragonfly has suggested you might want to keep in mind distress and support lines.  I don't know how close you are to your brother , but you might want to talk with him as often as possible.

 The main ray of hope that I see is that they are starting him on a 12 wk chemotherapy course. With pancreatic cancer they usually don't do that unless there is some hope. I wish you and your brother the best of luck during this terrible ordeal. My prayers go with you. Take Care. paul m
Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Peace on June 30, 2017, 04:39:12 am
Thanks everyone for all the good thoughts. Very much appreciated!

I do have friends, but have found that since I have difficulty leaving my home to socialize with them, they don't include me anymore and the friendships have faded. I've had my two closest friends over 3 times recently for dinner hoping that would rekindle our friendship. We have a nice time together, then no contact until I invite them again. Have called many times to go for walks with them, but they both have reasons why they don't have the time to fit me in. I'm sure many of us can relate to that.

I'll start googling to try to find support groups for family members. Hopefully I can find something online. It's definitely worth the effort.

Paul, your comment that they wouldn't do the chemo if there was no hope brought me comfort, thank you SO much!

Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Peace on July 07, 2017, 05:18:23 pm
My brother crossed over at 2 am. I was able to spend time with him his final two days, and I'm very thankful for that. This has all happened so fast I'm having a very hard time processing it.
Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: paulm on July 09, 2017, 09:31:22 pm
Hello Peace. I'm extremely sorry to hear that. I thought perhaps when they were giving him chemo that he might have a chance. My brother died of the same cancer and just as rapidly so i can understand just how confusing and difficult the whole thing can be to understand and accept.

  I know that it will be extremely tough on you for the next while. I can't even think about my brother without tears welling up in my eyes.

 My prayer and thoughts will be with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take Care. paul m
Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Peace on July 15, 2017, 02:06:13 pm
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother, Paul, and the sadness you're feeling.

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts. You're a good person.

The service is on Monday, and my anxiety over attendance has been so high on Thursday I spent from 5 am to about 7 pm obsessing over it. Finding a ride, having a seat where I could escape if I panic, sort of obsessing.

I'm hoping I'll be feeling a bit better by Tuesday. Currently I'm one big huge mess.

Thank you to all for being here for me.


Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: paulm on July 15, 2017, 11:41:08 pm
Hello Peace. I'm not exactly good at funerals and wakes myself, but I do understand a few things. When it's someone close to you, nobody minds if there is a lot of sobbing/crying and/or if a person has to leave the room mid service.

 I usually try to sit at the end of a pew if possible and if I have to leave I try and do so during a hymn if possible. I know that nobody minds if I leave, but if I can leave during a hymn then I feel like I'm attracting less attention and so I don't feel so centered out. (during a prayer is my next avenue of escape).  Even if you sit mid pew, nobody should mind if you have to leave.

 Not lately, but I've even been known to stand at the back of the church and not go in and sit down.  I mean we go to funerals for three reasons. 1) to help release our own grief 2) to help relieve
 the grief of others 3) to honour the dearly departed.  I think a person can accomplish those goals just as well standing at the back of the church (funeral home )without having to sit in a pew.

 Good Luck with everything. Take Care. paul m

Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Dragonfly on July 16, 2017, 08:31:20 pm
Peace I am so sorry about your loss.

When I lost my husband I was very scared of losing it. Maybe screaming and sobbing uncontrollably. I obsessed and worried about this before the funeral but it didn't happen. I was still too much in shock and numb for this. I did cry a lot though. My caseworker for my mental health advised me to take clonazepam and she came to the funeral. This helped. A very dear friend i hadn't seen in a long time attended which meant a lot to me.

Peace I wish you strength on Monday. Paul I am sure that you are still grieving for your brother.

Thinking of both of you.


Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: paulm on July 20, 2017, 01:24:09 am
Hello Peace I was wondering how you are making out? Take Care. paul m P.S. to Dragonfly. Thx for the thought, it's been a mth since he passed and I still get weepy eyed and choked up when I try an talk to someone about him. However I know that will pass as long as I don't try and keep it all inside.
Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Peace on July 20, 2017, 08:08:48 pm
I was able to attend the visitation, service, and reception. My family, especially my daughters, were amazing throughout it all.

They put up with my numerous hours of obsessing over getting a ride and having a seat that would allow me to escape should I need to. To ease my torment they assured they would be there every step of the way. When I ran into difficulty at one point because I became surrounded by people they saw me mouth the words "I'm trapped" and they were immediately at my side. When I needed to escape to the bathroom they were with me. When I needed a hug they were there for me. When I ran into difficulty during the reception they understood and helped me through. They very patiently waited until I was ready, they did not rush me in any way, then when I asked if we could visit the neighbourhood I grew up in with my family of origin they said yes with no hesitation whatsoever.

Emotionally I can feel absolutely nothing at all, a numbness, then a deep sadness on a different day. My OCD has gotten better slightly better, thankfully.

Monday made me realize how truly blessed I am.

Title: Re: Family Illness
Post by: Dragonfly on July 21, 2017, 04:38:54 pm
Hi Peace,

I am so glad that you had so much support from your daughters. That shows you what a great Mother you are and how well you have brought them up. So kind and thoughtful just like you.

Thinking of you.