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Topics - Peace

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General Discussion / Update
« on: September 28, 2018, 08:08:20 am »
Hey everyone  :)

Just wanted to give an update. Major life changes for me. I moved into an apartment on my own in July. Other than being a bit lonely and having some difficulty navigating the bus system it's going well. The fear that kept me in an abusive marriage for several years because I felt I wouldn't be able to get the basic necessities of life for myself turned out to be nothing more than fear.

How is everyone else doing?


General Discussion / Moving On Up
« on: June 15, 2018, 09:52:47 am »
Hi everyone  :)

Hope all are well. I've been a bit quiet because I've been fighting OCD. One of my compulsions involves online, so I had to abstain from it for a while, and will have to do so on an ongoing basis at times.

Just wanted to let everyone know that my 3 month residential OCD treatment program helped me so much that I'm now getting out of my abusive environment in July. The gains have decreased through a variety of stressors, but that's par for the course, as there is no cure for OCD and it is chronic. I'm a fighter, so I will improve again and believe this move is a step in the right direction.

Thanks to all for being here for me throughout it all.  :)

General Discussion / OCD Walk Toronto
« on: June 15, 2018, 09:47:05 am »
I have severe OCD, agoraphobia, PTSD and depression in order of severity. Part of why I'm still unhealthy is there is so little known about and treatment for OCD.

Treatment for anxiety, depression, PTSD and other psychiatric conditions, if not modified for an individual with OCD, such as removing the evidence to support the thought column of CBT thought records, can make the OCD condition worse because analysis triggers and supports obsessions.

Without some very simple knowledge, such as knowing the OCD cycle and the compulsion categories, often professionals in the mental health and medical fields, friends and families enable OCD.

There's an annual OCD Walk Toronto. The 2018 date is tomorrow, June 16. If you are ready, willing and/or able, kindly support and/or attend the walk.

Walk link:

Sunnybrook also offers regular workshops to educate both consumers and those within the mental and medical health service sector. Their last workshop became so full they then opened up webinair so participants can access the workshop from home.

For workshop information the Frederick W. Thompson Anxiety Disorders Centre at the Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre can be reached by phone at 416-480-4002 and by email at

With appreciation  :)

General Discussion / I've Found OCD Treatment
« on: October 10, 2017, 04:47:51 am »
Hello everyone  :)

You've all heard me talk about the lack of treatment for OCD. Well, I found treatment I can access!!   :D :D

This is where perseverance pays off. I may become dejected at times and think "why bother?", but a day or two later I'm back in the ring fighting. I emailed somewhere that had treatment, but online said I didn't qualify for due to boundaries, fully expecting the usual "we have nothing for you, try this place." Instead I got a reply about a residential OCD treatment program with a link to a partially completed website. I'm assuming the program is new since no once else I had spoken with were aware of it, and since the website wasn't complete. A short time later I received another email saying the website is complete.

I rushed the paperwork through, with the help of my psychiatrist, and within a month of my email being replied to I'm being accepted to treatment. The duration is 4 to 16 weeks, dependent on certain factors determined during treatment. Since it all happened so quickly I don't know if I'll be home weekends, and I don't know if I'll have online access.

I'll share the details of the treatment program upon my return, knowing how hard treatment is to find. This program is available to all Ontario residents.

Thanks so much for listening to me, offering me excellent advice, and just in general being here for me for many years. You're all wonderful!


General Discussion / MDAO Link - Caring For Someone Living With OCD
« on: August 04, 2017, 11:55:06 am »
I didn't realize this was here until I googled something to do with OCD. I find it informative and hope it will help people with OCD or people who know someone with OCD.


General Discussion / Family Illness
« on: June 27, 2017, 08:15:14 am »
I found out Friday my brother has stage 4 pancreatic cancer that has spread to his liver and lymph nodes. Surgery is not an option. He has started a 12 week round of chemotherapy.

My psychiatrist cancelled my July appointment for an appointment of his own, and is on vacation in August. My minister that I had been walking with each Thursday is on vacation in July. I have no support to help me through this and I don't know if I can cope.


General Discussion / Couple of things on my mind
« on: May 21, 2017, 09:36:20 am »
Hi everyone  :)

Just wanted to converse with everyone since it's been a bit quiet here as of late and I miss you.

Currently on my mind:

My oldest daughter was away for college and returned home the 3rd week of April. She's been in a long distance relationship for around 4 years with a very nice young man in Alberta. She is starting a job on Tuesday, and has found an apartment that her boyfriend can move into with her as of June 1st. OCD makes change very hard. I adjusted to her going away for college, am adjusting to her being home again (I could never live with her permanently as her habits conflict with my need for neatness), then will be adjusting to the big step of her moving into her own apartment with her boyfriend in a very short time. Bit emotional about my "baby" leaving the nest, concerned about how she will "make it" without guaranteed full time employment and a boyfriend who is travelling here with no actual job, and how quickly all this is happening. Having said that, he does treat her well and I am happy that what they've waited 4 years for is coming to fruition.

Another thing that occurred recently that's having an impact on me is I phoned my friend of 21 years yesterday and she was at the hospital. Her oldest son has been admitted and will be having brain surgery. He's either 21 or 22.

My friend was too upset to talk, so I phoned another mutual friend, who gave me more details. The son didn't show up for work one day last week so co-workers went to his home. His truck was in the driveway, but there was no answer at the door. They called his brother, who called his dad. His dad left work to check, and found their son in his room in the basement.

The son had been having seizures and was out of it and fighting the ambulance attendants, so the fire department had to be called, and they were able to subdue him and take him to hospital.

Testing showed a brain tumour on the outer edge of his skull. Fortunately since it is on the outer edge, it is operable.

This really brings home to me the importance of those within our circle having contact information for others within our circle, and I wanted to pass that along. The thought of the son being alone in the basement with this makes me shudder, and I'm sure long term affects could be greater the longer he was alone for.

Thank you to all for being here for me to share with.


General Discussion / Happy Easter
« on: April 16, 2017, 01:10:16 pm »
Wishing everyone a very Happy Easter!  :) hugs

General Discussion / Anxious and Going Out
« on: April 03, 2017, 06:46:48 am »
I have my appointment with my psychiatrist today and it's one of my off days. I barely cope these days to to combine going to the appointment with a bad day and it's pure agony.

Does anyone have any tips?

General Discussion / OCD
« on: February 22, 2017, 02:53:46 pm »
I'm tormented.

In all of Ontario I found one hospital that treats OCD outpatient. Where I live I found one psychologist who claims to treat OCD who will charge me $215 per hour and is 3 buses away. He did not return my phone call requesting telephone or online therapy.

Has anyone with OCD found anything at all? An online support group? Anything. I'm desperate.

General Discussion / What OCD Really Looks Like
« on: January 22, 2017, 09:31:00 am »
This link is excellent. Numbers 11, 14, 17 and 22 are good depictions of what my OCD is like.

I wrote the following recently because I'm back to seeking treatment and advocating, and I think I may actually be obsessing now about having OCD. I wrote it with the hopes that I may actually be able to find help or find someone to listen. I titled it "This is What my OCD Looks Like." OCD takes on many forms, changes in such a way that one obsession/compulsion goes away only to be replaced by a different one, and is different for everyone.

                                           This is What My OCD Looks Like

Symmetry, orderliness and sorting have caused me to take 5 hours to perform a simple task like taking the garbage out because I “fix” each room I go into.

I re-read and I re-write. I can take 8 hours on a simple email and several days on a simple note.

I trace patterns in lines with either my index finger or my eyes. I’ve traced curtains with pleats, television and computer screens, picture frames, tables, trees, fences, lamp posts. I can’t even go for a walk or watch television to escape this compulsion.

I am terrified I may hurt another person’s feelings.

I avoid the numbers 6 and 13 because they are “bad” numbers, and I count and repeat until I encounter a “good” number.

I will research a simple purchase endlessly.

I seek reassurance and have irritated many by doing so.

I have a strong aversion to any type of change. My agoraphobia is complicated by my OCD in that if I leave home and change takes place I panic.

I have had contamination and scrupulosity relating to religion, and still have scrupulosity, just not as severe as when I was phoning my minister several times a day seeking reassurance I wasn’t sinning.

I do most tasks (cooking, household chores, showering) when I'm alone because if I'm interrupted it can send me into an OCD loop or into crisis.

When my anxiety level is high I can’t tolerate sound and even the slightest sound can cause me to become distressed.

I avoid situations that might trigger my obsessions or compulsions.

My mind rarely stops thinking, and I’m exhausted as a result. I have difficulty sleeping. I will sleep a couple of hours, then wake and perform the tracing compulsion behind closed eyes. Lack of sleep makes OCD worse.

OCD is a severe and debilitating anxiety disorder affecting one adult in 40, making it twice as common as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. OCD can be so debilitating and disabling that the World Health Organisation (WHO) has ranked OCD in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life.

Thanks to everyone for being here and for listening.  :)


General Discussion / Christmas Preparations
« on: December 19, 2016, 06:49:33 am »
Hello everyone,

Checking in to see how everyone is doing with their Christmas preparations, as well as to get an update on everyone's plans.

My social organization's in the office Christmas gathering is on the 22nd and I'm going to try to go. They also have one at a venue out of the office that I've been to in the past, but am too anxious to go to right now. Future goals.

Christmas Eve if I'm feeling well enough I'd like to go to candlelight communion with my daughter and her boyfriend, if they want to go. So far my daughter is on board. We usually open stockings Christmas Eve.

Christmas Day we'll have a nice breakfast, open gifts, and have the traditional Christmas dinner with turkey.

Boxing Day I'm going to be baking and preparing for going to my sister's next day. I'm taking a crackers and cheese plate, cookies, and carrot cake. I want to bake the carrot cake on Boxing Day. I have a recipe that turns out nice every time and is so moist I never make the cream cheese icing.

On the 27th my daughters, my daughter's boyfriend, and I will be attending the family gathering at my sister's place. My nephew, his wife, and their daughter (she's almost 2) will be there for the first time in years. They live in USA. Looking forward to that.

In previous years my sister would take me shopping and I would do some on my own at Shoppers Drug Mart and the Dollar Store (stocking stuffers) about a 10 to 15 minute walk from my home by going out once it was dark out on days I felt well. This year I did all my shopping on my own without my sister's help through walking to the mall after dark, and through online. Proud of myself for that.  :)

My daughter's boyfriend is flying in today at 6 PM and will be staying with us for 2 weeks. Bit anxious about that.

Looking forward to hearing from everyone.  :)


General Discussion / Our Voice
« on: November 15, 2016, 09:13:48 am »
Does anyone know who to contact regarding lack of mental health services? It's well known within mental health services within the area I live in we're drastically underfunded. I've tried making phone calls and writing emails, but haven't gotten anywhere so far. I'd like to continue, but feel I'm not contacting the "right" people.

All suggestions welcome!

General Discussion / Check In
« on: September 09, 2016, 09:40:04 am »
How is everyone? Missing you all. Would love to hear from everyone.

I'm struggling. Some ceiling work and painting going on in our home to be able to sell it, and it's become quite chaotic. Trying to fight off guilt when my soon to be ex-husband tries to get me to pay for things I don't feel is needed. He just buys, submits the receipts to me, and if I hesitate to pay, manipulates me. He called me a disgusting monster when I separated our bank accounts after stressing too much over watching it drop by $20,000 twice in one year, and having absolutely no say in the spending. He convinced our daughters I'm "cheap", when in actual fact all I want is some money in savings, partially due to both my parents running out of money.

Anyway, change is hard for many, but with OCD being severe it's exceptionally hard. As an example, I wasn't able to go for my walks when I visited my sister because I'd have to turn to the left when I walked out her front door in order to go to the area with the least traffic and noise, when at home I always turn to the right every time I walk. Not being able to turn to the left is an OCD issue. The last time I stayed at my sister's I did go for one walk and turned to the right (I was feeling good that day), and I was very proud of myself. My long way of explaining why the changes to the home to get it ready to sell are affecting my health negatively.

OCD when not managed is extremely debilitating. The proper treatment for OCD, ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) is not covered by OHIP, or at least I haven't been able to find OHIP covered treatment. The one psychologist in my city I found who treats OCD is $215 per hour, and not located somewhere I can get to.

Sorry for the book, obviously what I call a "bad OCD day", making it difficult for my mind to turn off.

Looking forward to hearing from everyone else.  :)

General Discussion / Welcome to Strength and all other new members
« on: September 09, 2016, 09:27:32 am »
I saw the posts in the Introductions thread. The thread is at page 4 now, so I didn't want the new members to go unnoticed as a result, hence a new thread.

We've been a bit quiet here lately, but it really is an awesome place to come for support, with a lot of very caring members.

Welcome to everyone  :)

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