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Topics - Jackie

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General Discussion / I could use some advice during this difficult time
« on: January 28, 2016, 07:00:22 pm »
Hi  .   I am new here and desperate for suggestions ..  I have had anxiety most of my life and panic disorder for about 20 years .  I am on low dose of Clonazepam .  My sister was Bi-Polar and she suddenly passed on in 2003. she was my only sibling ,  both of my parents have later stage Alzheimer's  and I am POA over both .. they are in separate nursing homes now .. I was looking after them for many years, but it became too stressful ..  My dad has extreme behavioural problems and no government nursing home would take him .. I could only find one private care home to accept him and finally just had him moved to Veterans at Sunnybrook ,, which is a lot cheaper as the last home was costing a fortune !   I had to sell their home to pay for all their expenses .  I use to go over to their place and sleep if I was nervous .  Now I have no where to go if I am nervous .

  In May I had an attempted home invasion . I was heading in to take a bath and was in the upstairs bedroom . I heard someone knocking on the door and I never answer the door... but the knocking did not stop and got louder .. I just figured who ever it was would go away.              Then I heard a big noise and the house shook a bit ..  I knew right then that front door had been kicked in and I had not taken my anxiety pill for the morning yet and I had no phone  in the room I was in..the phone was downstairs ... and I knew i had only about 20 seconds or less to do something, as I could hear men's voices and I thought I was going to be killed ...I was shaking so badly and my heart was pounding so hard i thought I was going to have a heart attack ,, but I knew I had to do something quickly as they were coming into my home
 so  I have a deck on top of the garage and  i can access  it from my bedroom .. I got outside quickly and could see the two of them .. one was just about to enter my home..  So i stepped back so they could not see me and   I said in a really calm nice voice " Hello ,  sorry I was chatting on the phone , what is it that you wanted ? "   something to that effect to make sure they did not know that I knew they had kicked in my front door ...  One man said oh sh..  she is home and they went around the corner of my house but they left a big black bag on my porch ... 
so I knew they would be right back .. I ran downstairs and sat down and put my back up against the door and my feet against the wall to try and hold the door so that they would not come in... I was right they came back only a minute later and there is a window that floor to ceiling beside my front door ...   They could see me .. I saw them looking in the window and talking and I just kept thinking I was going to be killed ...  but they grabbed their bag and left .  I think they thought maybe I had time to call the police .. which I did not have time to even grab the phone ...   Anyway my husband is leaving on a trip to Europe in April and I am terrified of spending the nights in my home alone .  I have searched the internet to try and find if I could hire someone to come about 5 nights a week for a couple of weeks but have had no luck and they would have to be trust worthy .. I have no friends to take me in or check in on me and I have no family  ...    Can anyone offer any suggestions ?    I cant stay in a hotel as I would be afraid the door would be kicked in ..    I do not know how I am going to be able to stay alone in this house at night for a couple of weeks ... I will never sleep and I will be so anxious and I already had panic disorder before all of this .. I am shaking just thinking about being alone at night ...  Can some please talk to me about this .   

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