Messages

91

General Discussion / Re: It is hard to see that your son has a mental illness

« on: August 27, 2017, 10:13:39 pm »

Hello Dragonfly. "How do you handle this?" I won't lie to you and tell you that it is easy. However hopefully you will come to realize that all you can do is provide support, love and understanding.

  As you may know I have a son with bipolar.  He has been hospitalized numerous times, got in trouble with the police when his delusions caused him to believe that his neighbour was a drug dealer(he would call the police and report supposed drug transactions), I've had to drive the 300km to his place numerous times when he was suicidal , I've had to drive and pick him up in the middle of the night when he was thrown out by his g/f and had no place to go and the most difficult of all was talking to him by phone and trying to keep him from jumping off of a 9th floor parking garage ledge, all the while praying that A) he wouldn't hang up and B) his cell phone wouldn't run out of battery until his bother could get there. (with all due respect to the police if they had been called they would have shown up with lights and sirens and that would have pushed him over the edge). 

 How did I handle his illness. With love and concern. Just like you are with your son. I never shut the door on him, no matter how bad my moods were and I still to this day always check my emails and answering machine as the last thing I do before I go to bed.

 To be honest it did nearly finish me off during that bad 7 yr+ stretch but I knew I had to be there for him so I held it together(barely). Today he is a proud father of 1.5 kids and works steadily.

 If it's any help I know very few people who have went through as rough of time with their illness as you and I and my son (and most other people on this forum) . A lot of people with bipolar or another mental illness may find it quite treatable. I have a relative with bipolar who lived and worked successfully as long as he didn't take a high stress job. Many people I know only have bad ups and downs and sideways when they are subject to external stress.  A friend of mine was hospitalized many times with bipolar until his wife divorced him and after a few yrs when the shock wore off he hasn't had a serious episode since.(He had a lousy marriage)

 Early and proper treatment is the generally accepted key these days. The problem being who decides what's early and who decides what's proper.  For example (and I'm only guessing here) some of your son's up's and downs may be caused more by anxiety than by bipolar. Taking a good CBT course might help him a lot at this stage as I'm sure that he has many anxieties. I'm certainly not saying that anxieties will cause bipolar, but if a person has bipolar lying dormant just below the surface, anxieties can certainly trigger an episode.  However he should talk to a good doctor and not just take my word for it.

 I worry about my grandson and future granddaughter developing a mental illness, however unlike me, those kids will know all about mental illness long before I ever learned that mental illness has deep roots in my ancestors. Because it was kept hidden from me it took a lot longer for my problems to be properly diagnosed. It also affected my son because he was in his teens and already having problems himself before I found out what was wrong with me. Had he (and I) been treated earlier our lives might have been different. Also if we had of understanding relatives it also would have made a big difference.

 In regards to educating relatives. I also was one of six kids, I long ago gave up trying to educate the other five. (or my father) You just can't educate someone who doesn't want to be educated. Take Care. paul m

 

92

General Discussion / Re: radical acceptance

« on: August 12, 2017, 01:25:55 am »

 Hello Dragonfly. The kidney foundation(CKF) is a good place to start.  A very short course on dialysis is there are 3 different kinds, although not all doctors are up on this. The main type used is the common dialysis where you go to a hospital or special unit and get hooked up to a machine 3 times a week for about 4 hrs each time. The second type is basically the same as the first, but you do it at home and in some cases you do it every night while you sleep.

 However to do it at home, means that you need someone living with you to help you out .

 The third option, is also done at home , but you do not need a machine.It's called peritoneal dialysis  Basically you have a tube implanted in your side and you run fluid into the tube (via gravity or a small machine) and then 4-6 hrs later let it run back out again and then repeat.  With this method you have to do it every day, but you can do it while talking on the phone or talking to people in person. You can even travel or visit your family etc etc as the equipment is just a bag that you hook up and is portable. Many people feel less tired doing it this way because your blood is always being cleaned 24/7.

 My father-in-law had this method for many yrs and it worked well. I have included a link to the CKF and to their dialysis page as well as to their peritoneal dialysis page. There are pluses and minuses to each type.

https://www.kidney.ca/

https://www.kidney.ca/Dialysis

https://www.kidney.ca/peritoneal-dialysis

93

General Discussion / Re: radical acceptance

« on: August 11, 2017, 01:58:19 am »

Hello Dragonfly. You are certainly going through a lot.  As our health declines and our circumstances change it is often hard for anyone to maintain a sunny disposition. However try and keep after both your GP and your pdoc.  Has your GP suggested a wrist and/or hand brace? You may already wear one, but if you don't they can really help sometimes.

 You may also want to learn more about home dialysis for when the time comes.(there are two different ways it can be done at home.)

 I'm sure that it is depressing and frightening to have to look at the possibility of an apt or a seniors home. Good Luck with all of your decisions and Take Care. paul m

94

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing this summer

« on: August 08, 2017, 02:10:23 am »

Hello Dragonfly. My internet is still spotty and I've discovered that several of my neighbours have been complaining to the corporate giant as well, yet the corporate giant keeps telling me that I'm the only one complaining in my area. The worse part about it is they don't seem to care when you point out the facts to them. They do make nice cooing noises and offer rebates on service, but only after a lot of headaches.

 Yes we do have a place to live and will be moving in early Sept. Right now we are trying to figure out what has to go as we've accumulated a lot of junk in 31 yrs, plus we are only going to have about have the size to deal with. Not a major problem, just a time consuming one trying to decide what to save and what goes.

  Sorry to hear about your sis-in-laws husband. Take Care. paul m

95

General Discussion / Re: radical acceptance

« on: August 08, 2017, 02:01:33 am »

Hello Dragonfly. Some behaviours we have to accept as we age or are disabled by mishap or illness, however that doesn't always mean that we have to completely accept our new plight.

 In regards to your garden, you may no longer be able to keep it looking like it once did and I'm sure that is frustrating, but perhaps you can try researching different ways to garden.

 Neither my wife nor I can garden very well these days, but after studying some I found that by putting wood chips down you can eliminate a lot of weeding and they help the soil to retain moisture, they even come in decorative colours. We also plant more bushy plants, like sweet peas and Flock Flowers that come up every yr and fewer plants that have to be replanted. If you can have your son build you a trestle ,morning glories are nice and once they start yo grow they tend to shade out the weeds and they self seed so all you have to do is hook the stringers onto the trestle once they get going.

 However I suspect that your post is more about frustrations, having a difficult time during periods of your life and lost opportunities in general than about flowers. Plus of course you are probably lamenting the lack of enjoyment and relaxation that you used to get by tending to your garden on a daily basis.

 Everyone has some wish that things had gone differently at some time during their life, however as you know we cannot change the past. We can regret it and mourn the past, but we can't change it. There are a zillion things that I wished that either had gone differently in my past and/or that I had done differently, but I can't change that.

 I can look at things differently though and realize that as bad as my life was at times, it wasn't as bad as some people's. I can also try and alter my present so that I can enjoy it more. I won't always be successful , but I do try.

 I'm sure that you try too. Perhaps you should try and talk to your doctor again about your dark moods and your lack of energy. The doc may tell you that you are getting older. but dark moods and lack of energy are certainly two symptoms of depression.  Having unpleasant dreams can also be symptomatic of the onset of many illnesses or they can be episodes of post traumatic stress coming to the surface , as can lack of energy and dark moods.

 Plus there is nothing wrong with us venting out some of our frustrations, both past and present. Sometimes it's even good for us.  I hope that you find a way to feel better again. Take Care. paul m.

 P.S. to all. The phrase radical acceptance is not new, although it is popping up again.  As Peter said it was(is) used as part of DBT which was developed in the 80's . The term may date from the 80's , but the Buddhist have been using the basic concept since the 8th century. The simplest explanation of the term radical acceptance that I know of was a prayer from the 1930's era

 "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

  A modified version of the above has been used by AA since the 50's. 

  Three simple lines, very difficult to implement.

 

96

General Discussion / Re: Family Illness

« on: July 20, 2017, 01:24:09 am »

Hello Peace I was wondering how you are making out? Take Care. paul m P.S. to Dragonfly. Thx for the thought, it's been a mth since he passed and I still get weepy eyed and choked up when I try an talk to someone about him. However I know that will pass as long as I don't try and keep it all inside.

97

General Discussion / Re: Family Illness

« on: July 15, 2017, 11:41:08 pm »

Hello Peace. I'm not exactly good at funerals and wakes myself, but I do understand a few things. When it's someone close to you, nobody minds if there is a lot of sobbing/crying and/or if a person has to leave the room mid service.

 I usually try to sit at the end of a pew if possible and if I have to leave I try and do so during a hymn if possible. I know that nobody minds if I leave, but if I can leave during a hymn then I feel like I'm attracting less attention and so I don't feel so centered out. (during a prayer is my next avenue of escape).  Even if you sit mid pew, nobody should mind if you have to leave.

 Not lately, but I've even been known to stand at the back of the church and not go in and sit down.  I mean we go to funerals for three reasons. 1) to help release our own grief 2) to help relieve
 the grief of others 3) to honour the dearly departed.  I think a person can accomplish those goals just as well standing at the back of the church (funeral home )without having to sit in a pew.

 Good Luck with everything. Take Care. paul m

 

98

General Discussion / Re: cousin's wife died a few days ago....

« on: July 09, 2017, 09:36:17 pm »

Hello Peter. I'm sorry about your cousin's wife. It's common now to have a viewing, funeral and burial all in the same day.

 I hope that you will be able to make it through Monday ok. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take Care. paul m

99

General Discussion / Re: Family Illness

« on: July 09, 2017, 09:31:22 pm »

Hello Peace. I'm extremely sorry to hear that. I thought perhaps when they were giving him chemo that he might have a chance. My brother died of the same cancer and just as rapidly so i can understand just how confusing and difficult the whole thing can be to understand and accept.

  I know that it will be extremely tough on you for the next while. I can't even think about my brother without tears welling up in my eyes.

 My prayer and thoughts will be with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take Care. paul m

100

General Discussion / Re: Life

« on: June 29, 2017, 01:44:09 am »

Hello Buddy Mack. Thx for your condolences. In regards to my internet. My provider is having a problem with providing me with (and others in my area) with consistent internet.  So some days I have none, some days limited, until they fix it will not be good.

 If I go to a library or a friend's I have internet. Unfortunately they don't always keep the same hrs that I do and I hate using a friends internet anyways. So if you don't hear from me, it just probably means that I'm limited in my internet usage. Take Care. paul m

101

General Discussion / Life

« on: June 27, 2017, 11:48:34 pm »

Hello Everyone. In general it's been a lousy June for me this yr. It's been wet and rainy and I can't get out as much as I need to and I can't do my canoeing that I love. High winds and lightening storms and canoeing just don't mix.  My internet is lousy, the place I've lived in for over 30 yrs has been sold and we have to move( I don't do change well).  There seems to have been a pile of minor things that seem to come all on the same day and not spread out where I can deal with them.

 Today for example I found out that I have to move within 60 days, that my internet may be limited for up to 4 wks and that my mail box doesn't meet standards and that they want me to raise it up 3 inches. The last one isn't a problem I just hate dealing with bureaucratic B.S.  .I mean who has time to measure a mail box to see if it's 3 inches to short much less take the time to send out a notice about it. (I've only had the same mailbox for 30 yrs and now suddenly it's too short) Anyways, I didn't need all of that in one day. It tends to short circuit my brain.

 Worse of all my younger brother, who was a pretty good guy, never drank or smoked, worked hard all of life, passed away last week after a very short battle with cancer.   

 However in another way it's been a good June because 15 yrs ago I would have just crawled into a hole and  withered away for 6 mths or so or if in a manic state I would have said words to the post office that would have seen my mail being cut off completely.  I can't say that I'm in the most cheerful mood I've ever been in, but I also haven't sank into a deep depressive hole either or blown things out of proportion.

 So while it sucks that all of these things are happening, it's great to able to deal with them.  Thx for listening. Take Care. paul m

102

General Discussion / Internet problems

« on: June 27, 2017, 11:07:22 pm »

Hello Everyone. You may have noticed that I have been missing in action lately. I'm still looking at the forums, but sometimes I have been unable to reply when I wanted to or to post something that I have found interesting.

 Up here in the wilderness, life is usually pretty good, but getting fast internet can be a problem and right now my internet provider is having a problem with it's tower and that means that sometimes I have slow internet and sometime no internet. They assure me that in the next 2-4 wks it will be fixed(blah). So while I can usually read your messages , by the time I type the response the internet has gone out on me again and trying to research anything is tough sledding indeed. So I'm stuck trying to use friends or the libraries internet to do anything serious. 

 So please bear with me until one of the larger internet providers in Cda gets off of it butt and provides a fix.  Thx and Take Care. paul m

103

General Discussion / Re: Can you believe its been 5 Years?!!!!???!!!

« on: June 27, 2017, 10:59:23 pm »

Hello Soozan.  Congrats. You two are really nice people and you deserve all of the happiness that you have brought to one another. I'm sure that there have been struggles along the way but I'm glad to hear that you two have overcome them. 

 Your wedding was a great event and you two made it so enjoyable for the guests. You even made sure that I was seated near a door as I have anxiety problems if I get pinned in the middle of a crowd. That is really looking after your guests.  I hope that you have many more happy yrs together.

 Rich deserves a special pat on the back as it was him who started organizing the get togethers.  So in a way he decided his own good fortune. The MDAO and I just helped him along by keeping the forum going.

 Sometime when my life settles down(more on that in another post) we will have to get together again. Take Care. paul m

P.S. to all. Thx for all of your thx.  I have gotten as much and more out of this forum over the yrs then I have put into it. So while I'm grateful for the thx, I'm even more grateful, for all of the people who have  posted even once on here.

 P.P.S. What is really scary is that I have been writing to Rich for over 10 yrs LOL.

104

General Discussion / Re: Family Illness

« on: June 27, 2017, 10:41:36 pm »

Hello Peace. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.   I'm having problems with my internet right now, so I can't look up much for you, but you might want to call your local hospice and see if they have any suggestions in regard to support. I also don't know if there any support groups for that particular cancer and their loved ones. 

 As Dragonfly has suggested you might want to keep in mind distress and support lines.  I don't know how close you are to your brother , but you might want to talk with him as often as possible.

 The main ray of hope that I see is that they are starting him on a 12 wk chemotherapy course. With pancreatic cancer they usually don't do that unless there is some hope. I wish you and your brother the best of luck during this terrible ordeal. My prayers go with you. Take Care. paul m

105

General Discussion / Re: Feeling pressure - I'm 70 next week!

« on: June 08, 2017, 05:48:17 am »

Happy 70th Peter.  That's not a cake Peter, wipe away all of the icing and you will see that it is a fold out coffin, new health regulations require that people over 70 sleep in one so that they can be just hauled directly to the cemetery LOL. Take Care. paul m