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Messages - HSG

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General Discussion / Hi again, quarantine check-in and good wishes
« on: May 13, 2020, 10:08:28 pm »
Wow, my posting really dropped off a cliff on this forum, I don't know if that is a good or bad thing... job role changed, and all of a sudden its been 6 years.

I sincerely hope that everyone is doing well, or as well as can be expected given the circumstances. Been lots of growth for me over this time, I have been able to climb out of the deep depression I was in when I first joined this forum, with lots of help from multiple sources. I think one of the best things I've done is to learn from CBT about how my internal thoughts are generally tuned towards being pessimistic, and that even if I have a worst-case-disaster scenario generator constantly going off in my head, that I don't necessarily always need to listen to that voice, and that I can potentially listen to the optimistic voice too, and in reality the outcome will be somewhere between those two extremes. 

Not to say that life has been all sunshine and roses - I am a little worried that my pessimism has rubbed off on my kids somewhat, or at least my oldest, who struggles with emotional regulation (and has done so for some time). Been trying to work on helping him manage his emotions, but its been tough to do with both parents working and kids sort of left to watch TV or "do work" on laptops (which ends up being playing video games they find)... but trying not to beat myself up too much about that, there's really only so much that I can handle right now, and not a lot of time to beat myself up about things.

And trying to avoid the news whenever possible, as the president down south reminds me of the worst tendencies of my somewhat narcissistic father, and / or some of my previous bosses, which is a bit of a trigger for my own emotions. Definitely learning how to manage stress has been a big component to surviving this whole lockdown situation.

In any case, I am sending my best wishes to all of you, and can't promise I will necessarily be able to post regularly again, as I'm already like behind on 30 other things - but I do appreciate the previous friendships made on this forum, and hope that all of you are doing well.

General Discussion / Re: Does meditation help?
« on: September 21, 2014, 08:07:28 pm »
I would agree with Daniel - the extent to which it is useful may be dependent a bit on trying it for yourself and seeing how it works for you, or maybe adapting aspects of it into your life in such a way that it might be helpful.  I've actually been seeing someone at the mindfulness clinic and have benefitted a lot from the experience - I believe they also offer group sessions. The way I see it is that, through meditation, I can gradually can learn how to "turn off" that worrying voice in my head that always reminds me of the worst outcome, or that deepens or maintains me in a depressive state.  As you train yourself to just try to be with yourself and focus on my breath for a few minutes each day (I tend to do it in the subway on my way into work, just find a corner, close my eyes, and breathe) - it helps to at least break the "treadmill" of continual worry I tend to be on, and gives me a bit of time after the end where I come out with a bit of a different perspective than when I started - it helps to calm me down and get me more in the moment.

I was like Paulm - I had tried it a few years ago and it didn't seem to work for me then - but I was in the midst of a pretty deep depression then, and what I've since read is that that's sometimes not the best time to start - you almost don't have the energy to keep it up and just end up feeling worse off about yourself for "failing" at it.  It almost helps to start when you may be a little down, but still have energy to accomplish some things or at least to set aside a few minutes each day to start something - a lot of it is just about getting to do it a few times - its not something that comes immediately to many.  In fact some meditators who have practiced for years still encounter the intrusive thoughts that a beginner would, its just that, with practice, you get better at not letting a thought that pops in your head totally derail your meditation, you learn to let the thoughts "glance off" you and go back to focusing on the thing you were doing, like your breath.

There are some wonderful youtube videos by a philosopher called Alan Watts which I like as they help to describe a bit of what its like to practice meditation, or why it may be good for you if you are a person who is prone to worry.  Here is one example: - I really like many of his videos, they seem very insightful - he was an early adopter and popularizer in the west of Eastern philosophy like meditation and other topics.

I hope that's helpful. And of course, the main thing is don't get down on yourself for "failure", whether that's not sticking to a particular meditation course or some other lack of continuity - I am slacking after a good start at the meditation, for example - the whole point is just to try and pick up where you left off, and not be too hard on yourself, as that just makes things worse, or doesn't help you get into a meditative state.  I'm happy to talk about it more if you like, but I feel like I've rambled on enough here, so I'll stop for now ;)

General Discussion / Re: Need to Vent
« on: September 21, 2014, 07:42:13 pm »
Sorry to hear of your monetary worries Peace, living with someone who has a different outlook on monetary issues can be very stressful, both on a relationship and on your worry / anxiety.  I'm not sure that I have a solution other to say that I agree with the other posters that you are not in the wrong to worry about the home improvement and other expenses, particularly coming to what they do, nor should you feel bad about wanting a little more time away - 5 days, if it makes you feel more relaxed and better, should not be held against you in the big scheme of things - to me it almost sounds like you are taken a bit for granted by your family, in particular if the house was not maintained / cleaned in that time.

Hang in there, it sounds like a difficult time for you, but I hope that you can come to some resolution or agreement with your husband about future expenses.

General Discussion / Re: Feeling Uncomfortable
« on: September 21, 2014, 07:34:50 pm »
Hi Peace, I am an old member of the previous forum, but very infrequent poster - I would say ignore the spam, its sometimes an inevitability in todays world. In fact, I'm surprised the previous forum wasn't more dogged with the typical spam that comes - it may be that this forum allows internet links, which allows these people to put links up to do whatever it is that does - boost link tos or some google thing.  But in any case, it may have to be something we will have to deal with on some level - one can put up barriers to these sorts of things being put up, but then that may discourage others from posting, and I'd rather err on the side of inclusiveness in a forum such as this than risk discouraging those who may be shy or have trouble posting in the first place.  I'd say just ignore it completely, or as Peter did, make light of the fact they are usually just copy-and-pasted nonsense.

Anyhow, that's my .02.  Sorry to hear that it made you uncomfortable.  I'm sure there may be some way of removing the posts, if there is an administrator who can do so.

General Discussion / Robin Williams, and mood disorders in the news...
« on: August 14, 2014, 03:24:10 pm »
So I can't help but get a little bummed out about the suicide of Robin Wililams, to the point of it hurting a bit when I read articles about it.  Sounds like some of the details may still be shifting slightly, his wife mentioned he was sober, but in the early stages of Parkinsons Disease, but still the fact that he was depressed (and seemed at least to a casual observer to also entertain "mania", at least interms of his on stage persona), makes it hit somewhat close to home.

Perhaps a bit of good to come out of all this is at least it gets people talking about depression - I posted on facebook just to say to reach out to people in our lives who may be in need, because you never know when a small gesture may make a big difference to someone struggling with depression.

This article was also interesting, around whether creative types may be prone to bipolar, or whether its just a random association.  I don't know, for me the jury's still out - what I can say is that, at least in my work life, I know of more-creative and less-creative types, and generally the more-creative types (myself in that group, if I put modesty aside) tend to struggle more with moods than the less-creative ones.

interested to hear other's opinions...

General Discussion / Re: high stress, lack of sleep, and hypomania...
« on: August 14, 2014, 03:15:58 pm »
Thanks Paul - to follow up, I did indeed take a half a seroquel at the end of the week to knock myself out, and things got better after the immediate work-related stress issues passed, so everything turned out OK.

General Discussion / high stress, lack of sleep, and hypomania...
« on: August 02, 2014, 09:57:21 pm »
Hi everyone,

Well, welcome to the new forum I guess ;)

I have just come off a very stressful week, I ended up not sleeping a lot due to multiple demands on my time, work- and home-related, which I think, combined with the stress, pushed me into a hypomanic mode.  I've been handling it more or less OK, have tried not to stress myself out about anything outside of my control. Its been wearing on me, I get busy with things and neglect sleep, which feeds the cycle.  Luckily its been a more productive version of hypomania, in that I have been getting stuff done, as opposed to other times when my hypomania would spin into disorganized chaos and / or angry unproductive hypomania.  But still, I'm very cautious and wary as I know how things can so easily spin out of control as they did the first time I experienced this.  I have actually been seeing someone at a mindfulness based cognitive therapy clinic, and parts of that discussion has helped, particularly with respect to just meditation and learning to calm my mind by daily practice of meditation - I can at least calm my mind down now when its racing around.

Anyhow, I don't have much specific to say outside of this is where I am at right now.  I have been needing to schedule an appointment with my family doctor so I may bring this up with her, as part of it is triggering physical symptoms / discomfort, and also to see if she thinks I need to see anyone.  But for now I've also resumed taking a bit of seroquel in the evenings as that had a good effect in calming me down (or at least getting me to sleep) when I had my previous episodes.

I hope that everyone else is more or less doing OK.  Please don't worry about me, I am pretty self-aware and know that I need to see someone about it, I have the MBCT clinic appointment next week and am going to get in to see my doctor too as soon as I can schedule something.

BEst wishes all,

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