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Messages - misskris3

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General Discussion / Re: someone close to me is sick
« on: April 25, 2016, 11:40:22 am »
I'm beginning to think that it just isn't going to happen- him actually understanding and healing from his illness. he is filling his life with so many avoidance tactics, work, projects, and most obvious, running away from any of the people or problems he was facing at home. he still lives in hong kong, and we rarely speak now. I feel like I lost my best friend, the person I wanted to spend my forever with.

im having a hard time letting go. and im having a hard time with the weight of it all- that mental illness was the dagger in our relationship. how do you cope with that? it's not that he was a bad person, or treated me terribly. but that this big thing got in the way.

I'm also struggling to let go because for so long, I felt like the closest person to him. he mentioned more than once that I was the only person he really talked to about things, and I know that his family doesn't go there with him or access any kind of actual emotions with eachother.

I guess I don't know how to feel like it's final, and that it's over, given the circumstances.

General Discussion / Re: How's everyone doing?
« on: March 18, 2016, 11:39:32 am »
I'm dealing with some bad anxiety after a failed relationship with someone who is very sick but doesn't really know the extent/has not been diagnosed.

I'm trying to do things for myself but I still feel this underlying anxiety because I know I cant speak to him. it goes away when we do talk, but talking is more destructive to me than anything at this point. all he knows how to do is take from me, its not a reciprocal relationship.

my doc put me on 10mg of cipralex which helps a bit but I've been trying to meditate and build myself back up after losing this relationship and person who was so dear to me.

I'm struggling with grief

General Discussion / Re: someone close to me is sick
« on: March 18, 2016, 11:23:44 am »
well, the visit went awful.

he told me he can't be with me while he figures out how to be happy. and then we proceeded to spend the week together, where I was able to witness just how sick he is. so many ups and downs, it was like being on a rollercoaster. grandiose, narcissistic views of himself and doing good trying to help people etc, super over confident but then crying the next day saying he feels like a lost little boy, then saying he's sorry he just has to focus on work right now and the rest will follow, then talking about all his work projects and ideas and getting angry when I say maybe he should focus on one or two until he's feeling better, saying I don't understand and have never liked his devotion to work.

suffice to say, I'm very emotionally drained and very tired. and my hands feel tied, I don't think I can do much more. I'm trying to cut him out so we don't speak, for myself and my own sanity. last week has led to some pretty serious anxiety for me, and I just mostly want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out.

the worst part about it is that no one else in his network knows just how sick he is. no one has seen it, since he is back to hong kong around new people and not family or friends, and I cant do anything anymore.

General Discussion / Re: Need advice
« on: March 01, 2016, 11:21:45 am »
Hi Peace,

I've been in a relationship similar to that. I think the best advice is to remove yourself from that person's every day influence.

go stay at a family or friends, at a motel if you can afford it, a hostel, anywhere just to get some separation and let the dust settle. if the person is anything like the one I was close to, I bet time away would do one of two things: anger them further (so you can block and delete all texts etc.), or throw them into panic mode where you start receiving sweet messages of how much you mean to them.

the point is to just remove yourself. you'll start to think clearer about what is going on and what is best for you, and not the other person, because it doesn't seem like that other person is thinking about your needs at all.

take care.

General Discussion / Re: someone close to me is sick
« on: March 01, 2016, 11:11:21 am »
thanks Daniel.

I've just heard that he is stopping his cipralex 20mg cold turkey, because he left it too last minute there to see a doctor and get some and I guess will have to wait two weeks?

in this time, we're supposed to be meeting in Hawaii.

has anyone ever stopped that medication abruptly? how long did the symptoms last? I'm super worried about him. and I'm supposed to see him on Sunday, and he stopped them yesterday.

General Discussion / Re: someone close to me is sick
« on: February 15, 2016, 09:58:33 am »
thanks paulm, I really appreciate the advice and the links. I've been learning more and more about it.

during his ups, he really throws himself into new projects and work and is constantly dreaming up new ideas. it's really hard to be supportive of these when I know that a down will follow, and he doesn't quite seem to see the pattern yet- but it definitely is a pattern.

how does your wife communicate with you or how did she in the past, when you were having ups and downs? I feel like there has to be a good approach, but I don't know it. if I point out the pattern, he's quick to say 'whatever- im feeling confident right now and im just going to go with it, I don't have to tell you about my ideas then'. or something.

he's going to therapy but only for his depression, which he says is because of people- how interactions with people bring on depression that is within him, not because of work. he has a lot to learn and wrap his head around, but I think his therapist really needs to consider bipolar because right now he's all confident about these work ideas and just loading it on- like 4+ projects on the go, and soon he will crash.

I don't know how to communicate this with him. even pointing out past times that this has happened, and past failed projects doesn't seem to help.

General Discussion / Re: someone close to me is sick
« on: February 05, 2016, 09:06:26 am »
thanks paulm, I really appreciate the response and the guide as well.

the trouble is, I don't think he will come home any time soon. he keeps saying he can't come home, his only support here is me, so he doesn't feel a desire to come back to his family (which may be part of the problem- I know mental health issues run in his family because his sister was diagnosed this summer with borderline personality disorder). perhaps I can just keep asking him questions about it and suggesting he consider mentioning bipolar disorder to his new therapist.

I think maybe the cipralex did hurt him in the long run. he was diagnosed with depression in October, and started taking it and didn't feel a whole lot better but was managing. and then he went on a higher dose shortly before he left for his trip, and then decided to stay.

I talked to him last night and he had found an amazing therapist there (he had been shopping around a bit), who is going to start CBT with him. so maybe she will diagnose him, but I'm not sure. I wish I could go with him, but not being in the same country makes it hard.

do people who are bipolar take other medication that helps them to be stable? I'd say he is usually fairly stable, but in the past year he's had two or three really high moments followed by some serious lows. I didn't realize it went undiagnosed for so long. I know his doctor here just concluded that he had depression after a few tests and questionnaires. Is it a similar test for diagnosing bipolar disorder? I sent him the definition of bipolar disorder that is found on a mental health hospital website, and it describes his life in the last month or two with quite a striking resemblance.

we are seeing each other in a month in Hawaii, where I was vacationing and he decided he had to see me so is coming, but his plan is to go back to china after a week away. Actually, I don't even expect him to get on his flight, given his unstable actions in the recent past.

I just don't know how else I can be there for him, if he is getting help but not the right kind. I don't want to suggest he try and get a prescription for something, but I think he needs something to help him stabilize. it's so hard to worry about someone who is literally across the world.

General Discussion / someone close to me is sick
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:57:43 pm »

I'm new here. I don't suffer from depression, but someone close to me does. I actually think he is bipolar, because of a few major decisions he has made in the past month or two, followed by conversations where he is trying to explain how amazing and happy he feels...followed further by him saying he is really down and depressed and going to a therapist for help.

I've lightly commented that maybe what he has is bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure what else to do. He is seeing a therapist but he doesn't live in the same country as me right now (one of the rash decisions was to stay in China where he was traveling, despite having an apartment, job, dog, girlfriend at home). I've been hurt by him and what I believe is his illness twice now, by the decisions he's made and thought of as 'good' or 'happy', only to hear from him shortly after expressing regret and feeling really low and depressed.

I see this pattern in him, more than he sees himself I think. and the professional he just started seeing has not diagnosed him but before he left home, he was diagnosed with depression and on meds (20mg cipralex), which he says he is taking "sometimes" in China because he doesn't have a lot of it left and isn't sure he will be able to find it there.

I'd just love any advice you might have for me after reading this.

I'm in love with someone who is unstable, and who I believe suffers from bipolar disorder.

thanks so much for reading.

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