Messages

136

General Discussion / Need a Social Worker

« on: September 05, 2015, 05:21:59 pm »

Hi everyone,

I have agoraphobia,fibromyalgia, and arthritis. I will be in need of services to grocery shop, pick up prescriptions, help me attend doctor's appointments, etc. One organization I contacted suggested I get a social worker to help find which services could assist me.

Does anyone know of organizations (volunteer or government paid) that help with these tasks, and/or how I would go about getting a social worker?

Thank you!

137

General Discussion / Re: Family Law - Separation

« on: August 30, 2015, 04:34:41 pm »

Thank you Dragonfly, Lou, and Paul 

Each of your responses, support, and helpful responses means so much to me!

I'm having a really bad OCD day, making it so I can't think clearly, but as soon as my mind clears I will be researching and making decisions based on your replies. I just wanted to let you know I've received your kind advice and thoughts.

You guys are awesome!

138

General Discussion / Re: I'm back!

« on: August 30, 2015, 04:15:24 pm »

Hey Lou 

Wonderful to "see" you. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are. Sorry to hear you struggled this summer, but let's hope you're on the upswing now.

I'm not doing well. Relationship breakdown. OCD and agoraphobia are at their worst. A marital separation is imminent and I can't leave my home, so I have no clue how I'll cope. Bleh.

So happy you reached out to us!

139

General Discussion / Family Law - Separation

« on: August 22, 2015, 10:02:42 am »

Hi everyone,

I know this isn't the best place to ask these questions, but I'm having a horrible time finding answers. OCD is making it extremely difficult. I couldn't find my answers on the internet. Friends, family, and doctor do not have the name of a lawyer in my area. The lawyer I did call did not return my call.

Sadly, my husband and I are putting our home up for sale next summer sometime once some repairs have been completed, and parting ways. I have no clue how I'll manage since going to my doctor and social organization once a month are extremely difficult for me and I'm physically ill for 2 or 3 days before (agoraphobia). My husband and I have been living separately, but in the same house, for approximately 5 years. Him upstairs and me downstairs.

Other than the home I live in and that I have food to eat I live in poverty to offset my husbands excessive spending. As an example, my slippers are so torn apart I have to remove them to walk downstairs or risk falling.

In May I opened my own bank account and moved half of our joint account to that account. I know when we part ways there will be a greater amount of money in my account. I'm looking for a sense of fairness and to ensure I have enough money to live off of when we no longer live in the same home.

My questions:

If I file for legal separation now through a lawyer is it 100% guaranteed from the date I file my husband would not be entitled to half of my bank account?

My husband claims my disability tax credit on his income tax. I'm entitled to half of his refund attributed to that credit. Can he claim the credit if we're legally separated?

I know I should ask these questions of a lawyer. The thing is I can't find one, they are not calling me back even to set up an appointment to see them, I'm very ill leaving my home to see one, and they are very expensive. Filing now, then having an amendment made next year when we figure out who the children live with, will cost a fortune so may not be worth it. Goodness knows I've tried very, very hard to obtain legal advice.

Even if you don't have the answers, a link to somewhere that does have the answers, would be greatly appreciated. Any and all other advice and/or support is appreciated as well.

Thank you SO much!

Peace

140

General Discussion / Re: Which meow should I adopt?

« on: August 22, 2015, 09:38:14 am »

I took over feeding our cats, Peter, when they were vomiting a lot. I clean their cat bowls frequently, rinse a lot to ensure all dish soap is rinsed out of their bowls, and am feeding them less food then what they were being fed. They were vomiting at least 3 or 4 times a week before, and now rarely vomit.

Hoping at all works out!

141

General Discussion / Re: I want revenge

« on: August 22, 2015, 09:34:56 am »

Hi Dragonfly 

My heart bleeds for you in this situation. You obviously have the feelings you do because you love your son and grandchildren very much, and who can fault you for that?

I've had people I've wanted to tell off for abusing and using family members I love. One is my dad's ex-girlfriend and the other is the wife of my deceased brother. What I have done is talk to my sister, I've thrown a pillow at my wall and screamed at the top of my lungs when no one is in the house to hear me, and I wrote a letter to my siblings about my dad's ex-girlfriend and what I went through at her expense. My brother (the one who is still with us) is appalled at what I went through, was very supportive, and glad I opened up. I also had a talk one day with my minister about not wanting my dad's ex-girlfriend at my funeral. I went in saying I know I should forgive and worrying about what my minister thought of me, and left feeling justified for my feelings due to my minsters open mindedness. Hoping some of my methods may help you.

I see nothing wrong with you using the term loser. I wouldn't call them that to the grandchildren or anyone who might take offense to it (your son or anyone else you know), but by all means call them that here.

For the swimming it's a great idea to take someone with you who knows how you feel for moral support.

Thinking of you.

142

General Discussion / Re: Which meow should I adopt?

« on: August 03, 2015, 08:36:12 am »

I love cats 

We have 2 that are brother and sister. A petite female who will chase a bat around the house and a nervous large male who will hide from that bat. We have video of a small white bunny we were bunny sitting chasing the male around the basement. Hilarious!

They both drink water by dipping their paw in the bowel, then licking their paw. The male will take his food out of the bowl, carry it to a few different spots in the house, then sit and eat it at that spot. You never know where you'll find cat food.

When we first got the cats the female showed love and attention constantly to us and to anyone who entered our home. The male was very aloof, kept to himself, and wouldn't grace anyone with lap sitting. Over time, while still loving, the female spends a bit more time to herself. The male now occasionally will lap sit, but the nice part is he comes around a lot more for affection and to socialize quite often.

Given the personality of our male cat at the beginning and how he's evolved into a much more relaxed and loving kitty, hopefully your kitty will be less jittery and a lap cat over time (if that's what you want), Peter 

143

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing

« on: July 25, 2015, 12:44:42 pm »

Hello to everyone! 

For an update as to how I'm doing, my answer is it depends on the day. One day I can be functioning without too much issue, the next day I can be quite debilitated from OCD and anxiety.

I'm the "go to"person in the home for any and all issues. With OCD I need to focus on the task I'm doing. If I'm interrupted my attention will then turn to the issue I was interrupted with and it will be hard for me to return to the task I was originally doing. My husband's self-esteem is low, resulting in him coming to me with the simplest of things/decisions asked of him by our children or with his own issues.

I'm making an effort to exercise on a regular basis, but due to the dependency on me by my family it sometimes takes a back burner because I'm too exhausted or have run out of time from assisting others with their day to day living. Family meetings haven't resulted in changes to the dependency on me.

My main wish now is to keep it together long enough for my youngest to graduate college or university because I'm her go to person to talk through major decisions, and I'm the one in charge of the financial aspects of post-secondary education.

The family was in Cuba last week. I didn't go due to my Agoraphobia and strained relationship with my husband. I was ecstatic during that week. Currently I reside in my bedroom in the basement when my husband is home due to the strained relationship. I was able to have free roam of the upstairs of the house. I performed between 6 and 8 hours of deep house cleaning each day. My goodness, the joy in being able to do a task without interruption was incredible!

My oldest daughter's boyfriend from a city/province 3,500 km away is visiting until Tuesday. He's a nice person, it's just a bit of a strain on everyone in our home, as well as extra laundry, cooking, and clean up.

My daughter and my brothers (both residing in heaven) birthdays are within 17 days of each other. That was a grief-filled time for me. My oldest daughter and I went to the cemetery on my daughters birthday, and that was a beautiful bonding moment for us.

I'm so sorry for being so long winded. That's what my OCD does to me. My mind does not turn off. Thank you SO much for "listening".

Miss you all!

Peace (formerly Spirit)

144

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing

« on: July 25, 2015, 12:17:47 pm »

Hi Paul. Happy camping to you and family this summer! 

145

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing

« on: July 25, 2015, 12:16:34 pm »

Hi there GrizzlyMantooth  Nice to cyber meet you!  I've been reading what you post and enjoy what you have to say.

146

General Discussion / Re: How is everyone doing

« on: July 25, 2015, 12:12:44 pm »

Hi Dragonfly 

I'm very interested in your post because my own parents separated when I was 13, then divorced. My life was quite unstable as a result. 5 different high schools, 3 different towns/cities, and 8 different apartments/houses between the ages of 13 and 19. At the age of 19 I no longer lived with either of my parents.

I 100% agree with Paul's statement that your son should be tracking the hours the children are in his or your care, and applying for a reduction in child care.

Another thing to keep in mind as far as your grandchildren are concerned is to keep a look out and to listen to your grandchildren on the subject of favouritism and fairness as far as the daughter of her boyfriend is concerned. What I mean by that is to ensure she isn't given more attention, monetary items, better treatment, etc than your grandchildren are. I still have lingering resentment and hurt over the situation I was in when my dad's girlfriends and her two daughters moved in with my dad, brother, and I.

It sounds to me like your grandchildren are very fortunate to have you and your daughters in their lives.

147

General Discussion / Re: Quiet these days

« on: May 26, 2015, 10:30:49 am »

Hi everyone,

I haven't been around much, but I think of everyone often. I'm not doing well at all. I was hoping to go to Homewood, but have found they don't have ward beds open. I'm not sure what the reason is, they just wouldn't put me on a wait list. It's primarily my OCD creating turmoil in my life.

This is a good example of how OCD impacts people to a certain extent:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnKZ4pdSU-s

There is very little OCD specific therapy. It is a horrendous condition that can destroy a persons life, and standard therapy does nothing to help it. I've spent months and months trying to find therapy for myself. There is none available I can access. I'm slowly going insane. If I ever recover, I will make an effort to address the lack of therapy with whoever it is I can address it with.

Missing everyone.

148

General Discussion / Re: getting a cat tomorrow.....my first one

« on: May 23, 2015, 06:56:51 am »

So sad I missed seeing his picture. I can tell he'll be very well cared for, and you'll be playing with him and building his things to make his life fun.  Our male cat was very reserved when we first got him. We were ecstatic the first time he sat on one of our laps. Now he's our teddy bear cat. Enjoy!

149

General Discussion / Checking In

« on: April 16, 2015, 11:28:31 am »

Hi everyone,

I've been somewhat preoccupied with other things, and haven't been here for a while. I just wanted to check in to let everyone know that I'm hanging in there to the best of my abilities. My OCD is often unbearable at times, and my Agoraphobia is severe. I do try to walk every 2nd night and have been successful to some degree with that. I do have days where I can cope somewhat.

How is everyone else doing?

Miss you all.

150

General Discussion / Re: swearing

« on: February 26, 2015, 09:55:19 am »

I grew up in a family that did not swear. As a teen if I uttered the odd swear word I was shocked with myself. Today with the teens it can be every 3rd word out of their mouths. I actually just thought of that recently, that my parents never swore, and I'm grateful to them for that.

Having said that, when I'm stressed I don't think before I speak and swear quite a bit. We have a swear list on our fridge. When someone swears they get a tick and eventually will have to pay 5 cents. I'm in 2nd place :p

I spent a few days at my sisters last week. I didn't swear once. Proof to me that when I swear it's stress related.