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Messages - Peace

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General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: January 07, 2015, 06:52:15 am »
Thanks Lou and Paul for the suggestions  :) I'll definitely use both of your ideas when the time comes. I decided to wait until a little closer to the event to send the email.

General Discussion / Online Support Groups
« on: January 07, 2015, 06:46:32 am »
Hi everyone :)

I was wondering if anyone knew of a good online support group. I've looked into a few, but decided to read independent reviews before joining. So far I've read about a lot of cyber bullying and inability to remove your account once you joined.

Much appreciated, and hoping everyone is hanging in there.

General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: January 02, 2015, 11:20:29 am »
It's really nice to hear from so many! I'm in a really awful place, so unable to reply to everyone individually, but I did read and take away something from what said by all.

It seems to have fallen on the siblings to take turns holding the gathering that was a tradition my dad started. With the passing of my brother the year before last, I'm uncertain if my sister-in-law will ever act as host again. I spoke to my sister and other sister-in-law about making the event pot luck in the future to make things less work, less stressful and less expensive for the person doing the hosting. Both seemed receptive to the idea.

I'm actually going to send an email out soon to family members to suggest we make the event pot luck going forward. I'm quite nervous to do so. I've had a strip chewed off me by a couple of family members, to the point where my brother and his wife have felt it necessary to stand up for me without me asking them to. Now I actually obsess for a long time about my emails so I don't offend anyone.

Suggestions from anyone on how to word the email?

General Discussion / Check In
« on: December 31, 2014, 09:39:17 am »
Hi everyone,

There hasn't been a lot of action. I genuinely care about the members here, and am interested in knowing how everyone is doing and how everyone did throughout Christmas.  ???

I'm at a stage where I can leave my home with only a few people I'm comfortable with due to my anxiety. Unfortunately those people either don't live too close to me or have busy lifestyles. There's a lovely woman that lives 3 houses away from me that I'm not overly comfortable with (uncomfortable silences at times) that I'm going to call this morning to see if she wants to go for a short walk.  :-[ This will be difficult for me, but I'm going to force myself.

My oldest daughter has been out of the province for two weeks. She returns late on Thursday. She called  us one day for drug plan information due to a private health issue. A few days later (3 am Sunday) we received a text from her friend saying she was quite ill and was being taken to hospital. Naturally, I lost it a little. I was able to speak to her on the phone later that day. She's currently feeling a little better, but in a weakened state. I can't wait for her to return home so we can care for her and know how she is. I feel so bad for her for spending so much money to go away, then for getting as sick as she did.

My childhood was quite dysfunctional, but I always remember despite it all that Christmas was special so I'd like to do the same for my family. My husband has been somewhat bah humbug the last few years. My father-in-law passed away in August of this year. My step-mother-in-law and step-family members currently will not talk to either my husband or I, so my husband is not only grieving the loss of his dad, but also the loss of his step-family. He has very little in the way of family. My husband, youngest daughter and I opened presents Christmas morning, but my husband was very lackadaisical during the opening of the presents. He would not eat Christmas dinner with my daughter and I.

It was my sister-in-laws turn to hold the family Christmas (siblings and their offspring) this year. She told my sister she would not be doing it (my brother passed over June 2013). I was next in line. My sister sent an email out to everyone saying she would hold it (she knew I didn't feel well enough to). My husband said if my sister held it he wouldn't go since it was our turn. Since I can't drive my daughter and I wouldn't have been able to attend, so I held the event. I sent an email out asking who would attend. My sister-in-law whose turn it was didn't respond and none of my nephews responded. After time, my sister phoned her son and told him to let me know, which he did and we had a nice conversation. I sent a follow-up email to my sister-in-law and remaining nephews saying my health is extremely poor and I'm unable to leave the home so I need to know who's attending so I can be prepared. No response. I finally got ahold of my nephews through Facebook. Both said they would be here with their girlfriends and one said he thought his mom was attending.

My sister-in-law never let me know if she would be here or not, and did not show up. I found it a little disrespectful considering it was her turn to hold the gathering. I'm trying to not think the way I do and keep in mind she's grieving my brother, but it's difficult. My nephews stayed 2.5 hours and the rest of my family stayed 4 hours. I was really disappointed because my husband, daughter and I put a lot of effort and expense into the day. I'm still trying to recover from the effort it took to host the gathering.

A big deal was made during the gathering about where I was sitting. I sat on the stairs because I need an escape and it was the only place available that could give me that. People meant well, but I ended up going into a long explaination about why  I had to sit where I was sitting. Unfortunately, people couldn't accept that I was okay where I was. My husband tried to move a chair into hall for me to sit on, and it upset me because with my OCD I couldn't handle the chair in the hall, which I've tried to explain to my husband many times. I was exhausted from the preparations and from being made center of attention over where I was sitting, so I said "no, my OCD" and ran from the room in tears.  :-[

If you made it to the end of this, thank you so much for listening.  :) Looking forward to hearing how everyone else managed and how everyone is now.

General Discussion / Re: Seasons Greetings
« on: December 18, 2014, 06:03:26 am »
Merry Christmas to everyone!  :)

General Discussion / Praise for a Social Organization
« on: December 02, 2014, 10:12:47 am »
I've been in the mental health system for over 30 years. I've attended different groups and organizations. It's been hard trying to find the right fit and I've left every group or organization except for one for one reason or another.

The local social organization I still belong to has been a saviour for me. I don't want to say their name because I don't want to reveal where I live, but I wanted to share the wonderful experiences I've had recently.

I phoned the organization last year for help with attending activities at the same time as my doctors appointment so I didn't have to leave my home too many times a month (Agoraphobia). The person I spoke with helped me find the right activities for me. Recently my mental health has declined and I spoke to the same person a few weeks ago. We have to see him at the end of the activity for something and I told him I'm having a hard time being out for so long at a time. He told me I could leave the activity part way through if I wanted and arranged for me to see him at the beginning of the activity instead of at the end.

My doctor changed my appointment last minute on me and I had to go to the activity last night and to see him today, which I'm struggling with. His regular secretary is off on leave and his fill in secretary made it very difficult to book the appointment I usually have for future months. I made an appointment for a day there's no activity. I spoke to the gentleman at the social organization last night for January's activities and he actually booked an activity that he would lead, even though he's very busy, on the day of my doctors appointment. When I was sitting at the table with the group planning the activities and he planned it for that date I almost cried at the kindness he's shown me.

Kudos to this particular organization, to the social worker there for all he has done, and to the mental health workers who really care and make a difference.  :)

Family, Friends, and Supporters / Re: 14 year old with social anxiety
« on: November 18, 2014, 09:17:25 am »
Hi Zabava and welcome  :) You posted in the correct section, but will find that you will receive more replies if you post in the General Discussion section.

I personally had severe social anxiety during high school when my parents moved cities. I lived in 15 to 20 different places and attended 5 different high schools. My parents helped me to the best of their ability. I left school during Grade 10 due to my anxiety. During that period my father made suggestions to me to find friends. To make my father happy and to stop  him from talking to me about it, I found the wrong friends. The following year I returned to Grade 10 and made two very good friends and did very well until we moved again to a different city.

Basically what I'm saying is that eventually despite my anxiety and the situation I was in, I did complete high school and I'm very proud of myself for that. I hope that gives you some encouragement.

The best advice I can give from my experience is to provide your daughter with encouragement and unconditional love. It was very difficult for me to not have any friends and to feel like my father was not happy with me.

Good luck!

General Discussion / Check In
« on: October 25, 2014, 08:24:12 am »
Hi everyone :) I just wanted to do a check in.

For myself, I'm pretty much trying to take everything day by day. I have Agoraphobia and went for a walk with my oldest daughter the night before last. I was going to try to walk last night on my own, but didn't find the courage. I'll try again tonight. I have to go after dark. My street is perfect for it, its a circle without a lot of traffic.

My OCD is spinning a little out of control and I think it's because there's so much going on in my life to deal with that I try to gain control through my OCD, if that makes any sense. As an example, I can feel some sort of "normalcy" if the glasses in my cupboard are lined up in the right order.  Odd, but true.

The things going on include grieving the loss of my father-in-law and dealing with the family feuding that took place immediately after, trying to find window coverings and fixing structural problems to our home in a way that won't break us financially, finding the proper post-secondary education for my youngest, finding rides for my youngest home from work late at night in a way that won't tire everyone out, cataract eye surgery for my husband, and helping my oldest balance university with working.

Please reply and let me know how everyone else is doing. You're all awesome!

General Discussion / Re: Brain transplant or adjustment?
« on: October 12, 2014, 08:42:30 am »
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My mind NEVER shuts down, resulting in me not being able to think clearly a lot of the time. If I'm talking to someone and they say something I completely forget what I was saying. I lose things constantly. I used to think I might have early onset Altzheimers (my Dad got it around 57 years of age). Now I just try to tell myself it's OCD related. It can be very frustrating at times, though.

General Discussion / Re: Thanksgiving
« on: October 12, 2014, 08:12:09 am »
I am thankful for the wonderful people (family, friends, fellow church members and professionals) that have gone above and beyond to support me in both sickness and health and I am thankful for the truly amazing members of this forum who I feel I have gotten to know as friends, who are genuinely concerned for my well being and who seem to know exactly what I need when I feel I have nowhere else to turn.  :)

General Discussion / Welcome Neither Here Nor There
« on: October 04, 2014, 11:47:47 am »
I've read a couple of your replies to posts and wanted to say welcome! There are a great bunch of non-judgemental and supportive people here.  :)

General Discussion / Re: Need to Vent
« on: October 04, 2014, 11:41:32 am »
I wanted to thank Dragonfly, HSG and Lou for the support and validation. It really means a lot to me. The only other person who really understand my situation is my sister and I hesitate to continuously vent to her because she has her own problems.

After watching our bank account build up, then drop by tens of thousands of dollars on a continuous basis I mentioned to my husband again how hard it is for me and I'm going to open my own bank account, close our existing credit card and get a new credit card in my name only. He would need to open a credit card in his name. I told him I will pay half for our existing expenses, but if I didn't think a home repair was necessary I would not contribute. I will not contribute to his entertainment. I've contacted my bank representative to find out what is needed to do so. I mentioned last weekend I was doing this, then when I told him to open a credit card in his name only during the week he realized I was serious and harassed me continuously.

My husband told me one of his friends supports me and said he and his wife  have had separate bank accounts since marriage. In his friends words, if I'm not getting enjoyment from the motorcycle, why should I have to pay for it. I know his other friend who he talks to on a regular basis would only support my husband since in their words my husband needs to find happiness somewhere after being "inflicted with an ill wife."  My husband has been a spender for as long as I've known him so I'm trying really hard to not buy into that this is my fault.

The best advice I can give to anyone is separate bank accounts from day one of co-inhabitation. I wish I had done it years ago and pray I will have the strength to carry through with my plan and that my children will not be brainwashed into thinking I'm adding additional stress to our home by doing so.

Thank you everyone for your feedback and for listening. I can never express how much it means to me.

General Discussion / Re: Latuda starting tomorrow
« on: October 04, 2014, 11:23:35 am »
It's perfectly understandable you would be feeling emotional today. Thinking of you!. Hugs

General Discussion / Re: sorry for not being around much
« on: September 28, 2014, 08:16:35 am »
Miss you Lou! It's great of you to check in and good luck with the move! I'm glad it's a positive.  :)

General Discussion / Re: Latuda starting tomorrow
« on: September 26, 2014, 07:59:03 am »
Medication changes can be difficult, but it sounds like your pdoc is going about it the right way. Good luck Jen!

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