My husband approached me a couple of weeks ago with a proposition. He's been looking at the prices of houses and feels he won't be happy living in the area he can afford with his portion of the proceeds from the sale of the house. His words were that it's a step down.
He had written up what he would offer me if I moved into an apartment and he stayed with my daughters in our home. He presented it in a family meeting 2 days before he left on a trip. My daughters never should have been included in that meeting. It was quite upsetting. His thought was we could discuss it together and I could give him an answer when he got back from his trip. He was going to give me half of the money for his motorcycle, which he has up for sale but is not selling, and keep me on his insurance policy and benefit package. He said he would help me get groceries. No money to me for my portion of the house. When I thought this through I realized he's been planning this for at least a couple of months. He'd even gone to see apartments I could move into and had brochures and information on the cost of rent.
It's very hard to find out how badly someone wants you out of their life.
I know the move and separation will disrupt my daughters, and there's even a part of me that cares about the position he'll be in. I'm agonizing over this. I'm very close to my daughters and both have talked to me about their future. I'm so scared the youngest will not attend post-secondary education if my husband doesn't purchase where it's accessible for her, and she's been talking about going since grade 7. I will do my best to find a place myself that will be accessible to both her job and college/university, but I'm limited by my need to be close to shopping. The areas I've thought of that meet these needs are very concrete without much greenery and not appealing.
My husband said if my disability gets cut off he will put the house up for sale. Currently it needs a fair amount of work. I don't trust him, and neither does my sister or my doctor.
My youngest was talking to me about her options last week and I was considering moving into a room somewhere so they could stay in the house to ensure she completes post-secondary education.
A huge part of my stress has been the lack of financial security I've felt throughout my marriage. I believe we'd be between $200,000 and $300,000 further ahead if he'd been less materialistic. I've sacrificed so much for so many years to offset this. I keep trying to remind myself of that when the guilt eats at me. Why should I continue to sacrifice? He's made no effort at all to slow down his spending so he'll have the money he needs to purchase a home that meets his standards, my oldest daughter believes his spending has increased. There's also the fact that he's nagged me to death until I've done what he wants from day one, and I don't want to continue that.
I told him when he returned from his trip Sunday that I need the proceeds from the sale of the house. It was a very hard decision for me to arrive at and I'm agonizing over it. Last night he tried convincing me again to allow him and my daughters to stay in the house. I was crying and he was still trying to talk me into it. He became very verbally abusive.
I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for not agreeing to what he wants.
Another book.
Thank you for listening.