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Messages - Peace

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106
General Discussion / Re: Hugs and Extra Support Needed
« on: January 26, 2016, 08:07:47 am »
I'm so sorry Mom for what your brothers ex-wife did. Sounds like she did it out of spite for him. You're right, people can be awful.

Mine wants the wedding dishes my father gave us as a wedding present. Over the years I've been convinced to get rid of a lot of things that had sentimental value to me. I have so little now in the way of keepsakes. I'm just floored that he would fight me over something so special to me as the dishes. Legally he's entitled to half of them, but if the roles were reversed I would just automatically tell him they were his to keep.

Thank you for the words of support, they mean so much.


107
General Discussion / Re: Hugs and Extra Support Needed
« on: January 24, 2016, 07:19:37 am »
Thank you so much, Paul. Not too long ago you mentioned you were struggling a bit. I hope you are feeling better.

108
General Discussion / Re: Hugs and Extra Support Needed
« on: January 18, 2016, 10:51:02 am »
Thank you Peter and Dragonfly  :) It means so much!

109
General Discussion / Hugs and Extra Support Needed
« on: January 15, 2016, 07:44:43 pm »
An example of my ex-spouse: My youngest daughter brought home her graduation photo. The cost was $35 plus tax and delivery fee for one photo. My ex-spouse said to me "can you cover it, I'm tapped out". I hesitated because he has ripped me off financially over and over. I spoke to my sister and she said this is a special memory for her, cover it, so I did. Since then he's spent a ton of money. I said "I thought you were tapped out". His reply was "you must have misunderstood what I said". I am 100% positive of what he said.

I say ex-spouse because even though we haven't gone through the official separation procedures, we aren't living together as man and wife. He likes to say to me "we aren't really in a relationship".

He made some proposals to me. I sent them to my brother and sister. They both said the options are very one-sided, favouring him.

I've been trying since the end of August to get some help so I'm able to live independently. I'm exhausted from it, and sadly no further ahead. The mental health system is extremely flawed.

I am still seaching for a lawyer. The search for help to live independently put that on a back burner. The OCD is making it take longer than it would otherwise.

I need help to stay strong.

110
General Discussion / Re: Hello
« on: December 13, 2015, 11:26:01 am »
Hi Dragonfly :)

Here's the link to online grocery and household items from Walmart. Delivery is free over $50.

www.walmart.ca/en/pantry-households-pets/N-4156

Here's another link that I thought I could use for perishables (fresh vegetables, meat, etc). It doesn't service my area so  I wasn't able to check it out further, but you may be able to use it.

walmart.ca/en/grocery

Congrats on shopping at Freshco!! That's a real achievement. :)

Thanks for the kinds words.

Peace

111
General Discussion / Re: Hello
« on: December 11, 2015, 10:29:50 am »
Hugs, Lou. You've always been there for me no matter what and I hope you start to feel better soon.

I'm the same as I've always been. One day able to focus, think clearly, and be productive, the next day unable to even get food for myself. The bad days seem to be OCD related. After searching for OCD therapy for 6 months and not finding it I vowed when I was healthy to advocate for it. After seeing funds wasted yesterday on what I believe to be unnecessary I sent the first of my emails out today instead of waiting for better health.

Still no further ahead in my quest for help when I'm on my own. CMHA did not accept me into case management because they feel I'm asking for someone to phone services for me, which is not the case. I'm asking that one initial phone call be made before I'm given a service that may help me so I don't spend my energy and time contacting places that can do nothing for me. :(

I did figure out recently from ordering an item online from Walmart that I can get some food and toiletry items from them at less cost than Grocery Gateway would charge. My thoughts now are to order from Walmart and Grocery Gateway (very expensive) and to stock up on things like fresh fruit, milk, meat, etc. if I'm feeling well enough to shop on my own. Maybe take a taxi home. I'll need to purchase a desktop for myself because I'll be so reliant on online services.

OCD rant, I apologize. Thank you for listening.

112
General Discussion / I don't understand
« on: November 10, 2015, 05:10:26 pm »
Does anyone know how someone can want so much materialistically in their life? My husband has been looking at sports cars. He does not make a lot of money. We just put our first daughter through university. It's time to put our 2nd daughter through, and we're short. He doesn't want to "step back" after the separation and move to a modest house, and yet he doesn't want to adjust his lifestyle to save so he can live where he wants.

I honestly don't understand.

113
General Discussion / Re: Moving Date
« on: November 08, 2015, 07:01:56 am »
The lawyers given to me by the centre, with the exception of 1, are all located an hour and a half bus ride from me. I did submit one of those online forms asking for information. I left both my email and phone number, explaining I have difficulty talking on the phone, and they didn't get back to me. They do have a good website. I guess on a day when my OCD is not running rampant, I'll need to pick the phone up and call.

I'm a little bit saddened that neither my sister or brother have offered to help me get groceries if worse case scenario I have no other options. My sister said I'll have to go shopping when I'm feeling well, and I'll have to use Grocery Gateway when I'm not. My brother has made no offer at all. Heck, I'm not just a bit saddened, I'm downright hurt.  :(

114
General Discussion / Re: Moving Date
« on: November 03, 2015, 11:33:32 am »
Thanks, Mom. The women's shelter said they only help residents, but gave me another women's centre. I just got off the phone with them and they gave  me 5 lawyers, so my next step is to choose one and book an appointment. My sister will go with me. I'd prefer my brother because he'd advocate more for me, but he's very busy, so my sister it is. I decided I'm not going anywhere until I have it set up that I can be self-sufficient.

115
General Discussion / Re: Probate Fees and Estate Taxation
« on: November 03, 2015, 11:28:03 am »
Thanks, everyone :) It means a great deal to me to get your feedback and support.

I just now got off the phone with a local women's centre and was given the name of 5 lawyers. My original plan was to rent a 2 bedroom apartment, then my husband told me I'll have to pay him $780 per month child support on Sunday and he'd like it up front to help with the bills should he choose to buy me out of this house. It set my OCD in motion, and I started researching to find out if that's true, and also looking at places I can rent, feeling I would only be able to get a 1 bedroom place. I wanted the 2nd bedroom so my daughters would have the option to stay with me if they needed.

Next step, go through the list of lawyers and choose one. I'm so tired.

116
General Discussion / Re: Moving Date
« on: November 01, 2015, 04:59:26 am »
I followed up on Friday. I spoke to the same person I spoke to the first time. She said she would send a follow up email to the lawyer at their organization, and asked if it was safe to leave a message. The first time I said no it wasn't safe, but this time since 4 days had passed since my initial phone call I said okay to leaving a message, but to tell the lawyer to only leave their first name, no other details whatsoever. I also said to call between 9 AM and 2 PM only because my husband would be home after that. I napped around 2:30 on Friday. When I woke up I listened to our answering machine messages. My husband had been home and heard the call when it came in. It had to have been after 2 PM because I napped at 2:30. On the answering machine the lawyer said her name, the name of the place she was calling from, left her phone number, and said she was calling to give me a list of lawyers. My husband questioned my on the phone call and wanted to know if I was using lawyers that were subsidized (which I'm not).

The place I called is a woman's safety center. I'm not at all impressed that the lawyer called after 2 PM and that they left more than their first name on my answering machine. The ramnifications to me weren't that bad, but to some women they could have been.

117
General Discussion / Re: Probate Fees and Estate Taxation
« on: October 31, 2015, 11:04:30 am »
Thank you, Paul. Much appreciated!

OCD makes me overthink everything and research everything extensively. I've gained a lot of knowledge as a result, but I'm also completely exhausted. There are a number of what ifs right now. If I proceed with the formal separation, I'm then committed to living on my own by a certain date, and I'm not ready for that yet. I am working on getting ready.

A lawyer advised me to process the separation first then draft a will for a variety of reasons. I purchased a store bought will to use until the will could be drafted with a lawyer after the separation is finalized. I sat down to write the will and found the only things I can leave to my daughters at this time are my RSP money and what is in my bank account. Everything else is either in my husbands name (vehicles) or joint (joint bank account and home). I can not leave my portion of the joint bank account and my portion of my home to my daughters until the separation is finalized.

The one thing keeping me from proceeding with completing the will is the clause that I authorize my executor to pay all funeral and estate expenses from the proceeds of my estate. Currently if I proceed the bulk of my estate (vehicles, joint bank account, and home) go to my husband, but it's what I leave my children that would be reduced to have my name taken off the deed and line of credit secured against the home, as well as all other costs to settle my estate and to pay for my funeral.

I sincerely hope it does not come across that I am trying to deny my husband what he's entitled to. That is not my intent at all. What I'm trying to do is to ensure my children are taken care of and provided for. If everything is left to my husband there will be nothing left for them.

3 different houses owned in the 25 years we've been married. I was very happy in our previous home, but my husband did not like the lack of storage, so we moved into this house and added $100,000 to our mortgage. My husband then put at least $120,000 worth of changes into our current house (not including what he bought for the outside of the home and the furniture and toys he bought for the inside of the home) without consulting me about anything, then started to talk about wanting to move again into a brand new home because this house is not working for him. A huge amount of money spent within that time on vacations, sports cards, vehicles, restaurant meals out, etc. A brand new $25,000 trailer he put a $5,000 deck and $7,000 awning on then sold for one third of that 5 years after it was purchased. The purchase and sale of a timeshare unit in Florida.

Within the past 3 years: thousands of dollars spent on buying and selling sports cards. The purchase of a brand new motorcycle the year before last as well as boots, jacket, gloves, 3 helmuts, a side saddle bag, visors. That motorcycle is not working for him. He stated "the Harley riders do not wave to him". He wants a different motorcycle. Golf and sporting event vacations with a friend, as well as money spent on golf accessories. This year alone: 3 vacations (1 with the children), along with golfing several times close to where we live, many restaurant meals out, professional and amateur baseball, basketball, soccer games, and theater concerts. There are 7 television sets in my house. My youngest daughter and I do not watch T.V. at all, and my oldest daughter watches netflix on her laptop and movies rented from the library. The cost of our cable so he can watch his sports channels is astronomical. I asked him if I could renegotiate with our cable provider while ensuring he still has his sports channels to watch and he said no. He has a cell phone provided by his work, but wanted his own phone to play games on, so I gave up my cell phone.

I was the higher wage earner for numerous years and am reduced to living in poverty (the clothes I own, the ripped up slippers I wear, the mattress on my bed that is a danger to my health, the used chair taken out of the garbage I sit on at the desk my father gave me that can not be height adjusted resulting in body pain, the hutch I use in my bedroom left on the curb by a neighbour, my need for a haircut and new eyeglasses, the bike that is a danger to ride because the brakes don't work, the cardboard I use on my windows to keep the sun out) because we would be bankrupt otherwise.

I've made the sacrifices I've made so we could have some savings, so we could pay for our children's education, and so our children could have something in the way of an estate left to them. When we still had nothing in the way of savings after 24 years of marriage I opened a separate bank account, then was called a disgusting monster for doing so. I was yelled at the entire way home in the car because our marital counselor suggested we do a budget. When I have spent some money, such as a $10.99 gingerbread house kit to do with our daughters, I was told I spent too much money on it. You could say some of the purchases I had to sign for, and this is true, but I initially said no then gave in because I was nagged to death until I did.

In addition to other things, my husband is fighting me on wanting the dishes my father bought us as a wedding gift. I'm more than willing to give him every last item his friends and family gave us as gifts, I'm just having a hard time with the thought of him and the woman he wants to go out to dinner with (his words) eating off the dishes bought by my father.

I'm so sorry for the book. I basically needed to justify that I am not trying to take anything away from my husband, I'm trying to ensure that my wish to provide financially for my children is met, which is what I have been sacrificing to do all these years.

Thank you for listening.

Peace




118
General Discussion / Probate Fees and Estate Taxation
« on: October 29, 2015, 10:57:11 am »
Hi everyone  :)

I started to look online myself, but with my OCD I spent a number of hours and wasn't able to find an actual answer. I don't want to take up anyone's time if you don't have the time to help, but here is the information I'm looking for:

What happens to the following asset when it's left to a child over 18 years of age, and when it's left to a spouse, as far as being subject to probate and taxation:

1. RSP money. I know for a child over 18 the money would be taxed. For a spouse it would not be taxed. I'm not certain
    about probate fees.

2. A home where the home passes along to the spouse due to the name on the title (tenants in common). Subject to
    probate and taxation? Included in the calculation of probate fees (making proceeds of RSP money left to children over
   18 less)?

3. Money held in a joint bank account with a spouse. Subject to probate and taxation? Included in the calculation of
    probate fees or taxed in any way (making proceeds of RSP money left to children over 18 less)?

4. Money held in a non-joint bank account. Included in the calculation of probate fees (making proceeds of RSP money left
    to children over 18 less)?

Those are the questions I'm looking for answers to. I'm planning once the separation is finalized to re-do my will, but it doesn't make sense to see a lawyer for a formal will right now, and I need answers to those questions to make some decisions now.  I don't expect anyone to have the answers, but if you have links to the answers that would help me SO much.

Thanks again for being here for me. I'm really struggling.

Peace

119
General Discussion / Re: Moving Date
« on: October 29, 2015, 08:18:16 am »
The person has not called me back yet. Today my mind is not clear, so I will wait until I feel better to follow up. I'm so stressed.  ???

120
General Discussion / Re: Moving Date
« on: October 26, 2015, 10:14:41 pm »
Hi GrizzlyMantooth  :) They did give me the name and number of another place in my city. I called and a Legal Support worker will call me back today. Until I can get there for a referral appointment the most they can do is tell me over the phone the names of lawyers who advocate for women's rights. I left my name and number and am waiting for someone to call. It's a start.

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