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Messages - Littleorchid

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General Discussion / Re: Re clutter....
« on: April 20, 2017, 02:02:55 pm »

Maybe get her a scanner so she can digitize the papers? I am not sure if this helps "deal" with the problem but if she gets rid of some of the clutter it will be good for her - I think hoarding feeds on itself. You feel bad looking at the clutter and you hoard because you feel bad.

My grandmother has a hoarding problem - that's how I learned that I have it as well and I deal with it by slowly pushing myself to throw things out. It's painful but it gets easier after time and I feel ok in my room. Still have too much clothes though.

hope that helps


General Discussion / Re: Lost fiance
« on: April 20, 2017, 01:47:23 pm »
Thank you for the support guys :)

Peace, I am glad that you are taking things into your own hands and wish I had that type of strength. You will be my inspiration for today. Also my dad doesn't have a clue about mental health and the things he has said in the past about why I do things or why things turn out a certain way have been quite hurtful. I feel you.

I've re-astablished a dialogue with my ex. He is open to seeing me and talking as long as I remain dignified. My addiction is more or less under control. It gets in the way though when I give in - but I try to use my failure as a lesson. The loneliness is overwhelming but I try to deal with it like a healthy person. Keeping a safe distance from my ex also reduces the chances of my freaking out I guess. I think having an ASD just makes everything seem like a bigger deal than it actually is so I try to keep that in mind. It is not much comfort though when my mind and heart are taking me places I don't really have complete control over. People say we can move on, that horrible things happen in our lives and we just find the strength to deal with it. Yet I am sure I will not recover from this. 

My mother has ptsd and my dad doesnt understand but they have been able to maintain a loving, although flawed relationship. I think communication is a big factor and even "healthy" people do not communicate properly. For example. In rehab I learned that we need to own our emotions and make that clear when we talk to other people. Saying "you made me feel..." is considered a big no no since technically no one can "make" you feel a certain way. Like when I fly off the handle and I say "you made me feel like..." it's bad communication because
1 - I am probably exaggerating and/or not dealing/owning my emotions.
2 - the other person becomes defensive from the onset because they are being blamed for something
3 - the actual issue gets lost

General Discussion / Lost fiance
« on: April 12, 2017, 02:02:47 pm »
Dear people of the net,

My fiance left me on christmas for reasons that are more or less fair. I was abusing pot which made my moodswings too much for him to handle once the withdrawel process started (have not smoked since christmas). He wants to be friends but the process has been laboursome to him. I cannot seem to keep my cool during most every conversation. It reached the point where he said I should not contact him untill i am finished treatment and my mood becomes Stablized. I am currently attending aa meetings and switched to alcohol.

Firstly, my main concern should be remaining sober, but the lack if his presence in my life is a huge trigger. He was my only friend it seems. I have an autistic spectrum disorder so it becomes difficult to connect with people since i either over share or don't share at all. Or i just snap at people and no one wants a snappy friend.

Secondly, I am taking abilify which really helps - i barely argue with my mom now. I had to move back in with her when my fiance kicked me out. Yet still with my ex i cannot contain myself.

Thirdly not txting my ex has been hell. And knowing that holding on to the hope of his return is futile is even more damnning. I know that I should respect the space he has requested and that even if I didn't... it would eventually lead to him blocking me etc. I thought of writing him a letter and sending it in the mail so that no harsh words would be exchanged. I feel more stable now as the weather gets better and i forcemyself to leave the house.

Completely overwhelmed by lonelyness and self hatred

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