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Messages - Dragonfly

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General Discussion / Re: Introduction
« on: November 25, 2014, 11:39:33 am »
Hi CanadianEm,

Welcome!  I also suffer from Bipolar II. I still get very anxious sometimes but on the whole am doing much better.

As has been said by Rich and LuckyLou just ignore what people say about going off your meds. They don't know what they are talking about and don't walk in your shoes.

This forum is caring, supportive and non-judgemental. I have many friends here. These people have helped me so much.

I have told some people about my mental illness whom I trust. It is amazing how many people then open up and say that they have had similar experiences with anxiety and depression. Some are on meds.

I am so glad that you are acknowledging that you have a mental illness. Especially at your age. I wasn't diagnosed as to suffering from bipolar II until I was 30 yrs. old. I am now 64. At that time there was very minimal information about my mental illness. It has taken some time. Now I am stable on a cocktail of meds. What also helps is support from my family, some friends, health professionals.

Please post if you want. We would like to hear from you. What you say helps us too.


General Discussion / Re: Touched by Fire
« on: November 21, 2014, 04:09:13 pm »
Thanks for the info Paul. Unfortunately I hardly drive so I wouldn't be able to attend. Looks interesting though.

I was wondering if you could clear something up for me Paul. I don't know how the term "Touched by Fire" applies to mentally ill people. Does that refer to the mania part of mental illness. I don't get it.


General Discussion / Re: MDAO Comedy Show - my jokes!
« on: November 21, 2014, 04:02:09 pm »
Hi Peter,

Great jokes! You will have everyone laughing. I certainly did.

Dragonfly  :-*

General Discussion / Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« on: November 11, 2014, 07:50:22 pm »

Jenny you must not think that your finance, Bob, is better than you. In a relationship both people have their strengths and weaknesses. I am sure you have a lot of strengths that you don't even realize you have. Bob would not stay with you otherwise.


General Discussion / Re: mania/depression, money and how would you feel?
« on: November 11, 2014, 12:37:03 pm »
Hi JennyRN70,

I am not trying to sound goody goody. I used to handle all the money when my husband was alive. Most of the time I didn't mind doing that. I had worked in an office and I had a better sense of budgeting. I am not trying to sound like I was superior. My husband & I always discussed things if we wanted to buy something expensive. Sometimes I got so fed up with stretching the money for bills, etc. that I said you can manage the money. He would say, no you are doing fine.

My son manages the money. His wife doesn't have access to the bank accounts or has any credit cards. He is responsible for paying for certain things and she for other things. As she has shown in the past she runs up credit cards. She is too generous with helping her friends out, etc. If his wife managed the money there would be no money. If she wants some extra money he will usually give her money for it if it is financially possible. His wife sometimes resents him for managing the money. She does admit that he is much better at it.


General Discussion / Re: I am so ashamed of myself
« on: November 11, 2014, 12:20:36 pm »
Hi Paul,

I admit that I make a lot of stress for myself. My expectations are too high sometimes. I end up paying for that.

I am trying not to be too judgemental of people. The family on my side had a family reunion. Usually when I get home from these parties I analyse what has been said to me and by whom. Listen to conversations and think they did that. I am trying to keep an open mind and think these people are different then me. That is their life and not mine.

Paul does your wife still side with your mother in situations? It is sometimes difficult for people to realize as you said what is truly going on when you are sick and even if you are not.

My parents fought a lot when I lived at home. I hated that. My mother used the kids to get back at my father. As a kid you take sides with either one or the other. Like you say that brings on more problems.

That is really good advice about talking to the kids about what is going on. About stresses,illness, etc.

Yes, I am starting to feel better. I sometimes forget my limitations. Other people think I can do things that they do. When I say I am not up to that some say I am sure you can. They have no idea what my life is really like and I am sure I don't know what they go through.

Thanks Paul!  :-*

General Discussion / Re: Started taking Lipitor, cholesterol medication...
« on: November 09, 2014, 12:46:55 am »
Hi Peter,

I had a number of attacks before they figured out that I had gall stones. I was suspicious. I had the same symptoms as my mother, father and sister had when they were diagnosed with gall stones and had their gall bladders removed. That was probably 25 yrs. ago that I had it removed. The operation was the long way. I had to recuperate for about 4 - 6 weeks.
Amazing how they remove the gall bladder now. Recuperation time is not very long unless there are complications of course.

Hope you have an operation soon.


General Discussion / Re: I am so ashamed of myself
« on: November 06, 2014, 09:45:04 pm »
Thank you Paul & LuckyLou for your kind words.

I saw my caseworker today. It was a scheduled visit. I told her about my behaviour with my son. She realizes that how I reacted to my son was not the right way to handle the situation. She told me to watch my emotions especially around the grandkids. My caseworker feels that it is all the stress I have been under. She does not think it has anything to do with the withdrawal from the lithium. That was too long ago. She will inform my pdoc of what is going on. I will see her and my pdoc soon. I can and do phone my caseworker when I am having problems.

My son and I have a very close relationship. He came to me tonight. He came to me to complain about his wife. I let him say what he wanted to to get it off his chest. I told my son I could not take sides. He has to work it out with his wife. My son and I have to be careful what we say around the grandkids. They have big ears. My granddaughter was already asking questions. I had to gloss over it.

 He likes the type of work he does. He does not like being foreman.

I will try not to worry about my kids too much. You are right Paul it can make you sick.


General Discussion / I am so ashamed of myself
« on: November 05, 2014, 11:59:07 am »
My son and daughter-in-law and my two grandchildren came to pick something up at my house. My eldest daughter was there also.

The tension between my son and daughter-in-law was super high. They had been fighting. They do this a lot.

My son is under a lot of stress. He is a labor foreman working on the new huge hospital in Humber. He has a crew that he has to instruct and about 12 supervisors who want things done. He gets very frustrated and takes what happens on the job home with him.

The grandkids were acting up a lot. They seemed to feel the tension. I don't know what was going on with my son but he  was staring at me and wouldn't drop his gaze. I was trying to talk to him about something and he wouldn't answer. He kept doing this staring thing. He just said he was extremely tired. I was frustrated and started shaking him. My granddaughter started shaking me. I told my family to get the grandchildren out of the room and I was going to beat my son up. I don't know what came over me.

At the present I think I am hypomanic. My pdoc is weening me off lithium by very little amounts. I am almost off of it. Need to get off. My kidneys are not functioning well. That is no excuse for attacking my son. Mind is racing. Want to do everything at once. Am having terrible dreams.

I am  very worried about my son. I phoned him a few times. Nothing unusual. I apologized twice for my actions. My son said it didn't matter. I said it does matter. It frigthens me. What am I capable of doing to people?

Extremely upset.


General Discussion / Re: winter blues
« on: November 03, 2014, 06:35:22 pm »
Hi LuckyLou,

This time change really throws you off. It is time they got with the times and stopped this practice. They don't do it in Europe anymore.

Yes, this is not the best time of year for me either. I miss just being able to sit outside and do things outside. I think it is time to hibernate like the bears. I am not trying to make light of these sad feelings. They are very real.

Are you excited at all about setting up your new place? Could you think about that? Packing must be an overwhelming chore. Maybe you will feel better once it is done.

I bought another rv this year. My two daughters and I are planning a trip to Florida in May of next year. I know this is a long ways away. The planning may help me through the winter somewhat.  Is there something you really like to do? I am studying what I can put in my garden next year. I get very involved in that and do research in books and the internet. That may help me somewhat over the winter too. I think the older I get the less I like winter.

Hope you start to feel better LuckyLou!  :) 

General Discussion / Re: Latuda starting tomorrow
« on: November 03, 2014, 06:18:44 pm »
So glad that you are doing better.  :-*


General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: October 26, 2014, 10:02:03 pm »
Hi everyone,

I really enjoy my kids. I still call them kids even though they are in their 30's. I see them often as I do my grandchildren. It is so much fun to play with them and see them grow up.
I miss my husband so much and it is very lonely sometimes since I live on my own. I know I have to go forward and I am still very lucky to have my family.
I have a problem with my mind jumping from one thing that I have to do to another thing within seconds, minutes of each other. Is this OCD?
It is overwhelming. I dwell on negative things that have happened in the past and I feel guilty. I think it is all my fault. I also dwell on things that have happened recently. What people have said to me and how they have acted towards me. Could I somehow have made the situation better?
On the whole I am doing okay.

Peace you have a lot on your plate. You are sandwiched between the parents and kids. After parents pass away it seems to bring the best and the worst out in the family. It makes me very angry that it has to be that way. Thanks for starting this post. It is always nice to hear how people are doing. I hope thinks start going better for you.

NeitherHereNorThere, I am on seroquel for sleeping. I take 12.5 mg. If I take 25 mg. I am a zombie the next day.

Rich, I am glad that you and Soozan are doing so well! Both of you deserve it.

LuckyLou, I haven't moved in a long time. It would be something else with all the stuff my husband and I accumulated. Hope the move goes well for you. I hope you can still see your puppy at your friends house from time to time.


General Discussion / Re: Thanksgiving is not always fun
« on: October 21, 2014, 10:42:41 am »
Thank you JennyRN70 and momfeelinglost for replying.

 Paul I touched on some of the points you brought up in this post in my other post about my son's drinking. Thank you for your concern.

This camping thanksgiving weekend is an annual event with my immediate family and my daughter-in-laws family.
I talked about what happened with my caseworker. This forum and her listening to me helped me a great deal.
My two daughters and I have made up our minds that next year we will have our own camp fire if people get drunk. I have made this clear to my son.

I am feeling better now. It certainly helps to write and talk things out.

Hope everyone else is doing well.


General Discussion / Re: Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol
« on: October 21, 2014, 10:31:36 am »
Thank you Paul and NeitherHereNorThere for your replies.

Maybe I am overreacting about my son having bipolar and self medicating himself with alcohol. He tends to be moody like I am.
My son does have a very stressful job. He is a labor foreman. He is stuck in the middle with supervisors above him and his crew that he has to manage. He confides in me about the problems he has at work. I listen and may advice him if he wants me to.
My two daughters and I will tell my grandchildren that a few beers is alright. If people start throwing up from too much to drink is not good for the body.
I have looked at the websites you sent me, Paul. They are very good.
 I do not want to upset my son about him possibly suffering from bipolar.
When the time is right and he wants to bring up the subject we will talk.
My son knows how I feel about drinking too much and getting drunk. He respects me for that view.

Hi Peter,

My doctor for diabetes put me on lipitor. I had to go off it. My muscles ached.
My pdoc told me an interesting thing. He said he would never go on a statin which I believe lipitor is. He said your brain is made up of mostly fat and therefore cholesterol. I think I understood him correctly.
My kidney specialist put me on ezetrol for cholesterol. I seem to be tolerating it okay. It is not a statin.
I have a friend who is not at all overweight. Her cholesterol is high. It runs in her family.

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