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Topics - Dragonfly

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General Discussion / Paul are you alright...........
« on: April 03, 2015, 10:18:16 am »
Paul, Haven't heard from you for awhile. Is everything okay?


General Discussion / how is everyone doing
« on: March 24, 2015, 10:52:06 am »
Hi everyone,

Just wondering how everyone is doing. It is starting to feel like spring. I want to put my table out on the patio. Hopefully we can do Easter outside with my kids and grandkids. Searching for Easter eggs, etc.

The separation between my son and daughter-in-law is for sure. Now the details have to be worked out. I hurt for my son and grandchildren. I really don't think the marriage would have lasted anyway. They both have such different interests. My daughter-in-law wanted out of the marriage. Everything points to her having an affair. My son will be living with me for awhile. My grandkids will be here when he has them.

I am having some problems with anger that is out of control. Probably triggered by what is going on. It makes me scared of myself. Have informed my caseworker of this. She has told me of different ways to manage this. This helps.

It is such a beautiful day out today. It is cool but the sun is shining. That makes me feel so much better. I hope this will help the rest of you too.


General Discussion / Met a very caring person today
« on: March 11, 2015, 09:18:49 pm »
I took a taxi to my appointment at the out patient clinic at my local hospital.

The taxi driver and I started talking. He commented that I had a nice car and rv sitting on my driveway. I told him I was afraid to drive to the hospital. I told him that my husband always used to drive me places but he had passed away from cancer 3 1/2 years ago. The taxi driver told me he had immigrated from Ethiopia. His wife wanted to move here. He was in accounting in Ethiopia. He took a job here at the regional office in accounting. The work was very stressful for him. So stressful that he had a stroke. He could not do that type of work anymore so he became a taxi driver. He likes this country but he doesn't like the fast pace which causes stress. He liked the simpler life in Ethiopia. Wishes he could go back there and live in a hut, grow his own food and hunt. Of course, he is probably only looking at the good side of things there. The taxi driver said there was hardly any cancer, heart attacks there. I don't know if this is really true. Canada with all its lakes and land should not have any poor people.
I told him that my daughter is an accountant and is extemely stressed right now. His story about stress struck me as paralleling to a certain extent what my daughter is going through right now.

My family is a camping family. Sometimes I wish we could be more like that. Go places. Do with less material things. Work less and enjoy life more. Why have we become such a work oriented society? My father always used to say, "People after the almighty dollar".

These facts that the taxi driver related were only his opinion. He was a very interesting person to talk to and very caring.

Very special day meeting him.


General Discussion / It is the special good moments that count in live
« on: March 06, 2015, 10:27:58 am »
A child telling you they love you. The birds singing their beautiful melodies especially in the morning when you wake up. Kids imagination. Can I put a ladder up to heaven so I can see Opa? Watching the young kids discover something new. A caterpillar walking on their arm. The little bugs crawling on the ground. The surface of the icy snow making everything shine. A little cat putting a gentle paw on you when you are sad. The joy between you and your partner when a child is born. The spectacular view of Niagara Falls in its winter wonder. Listening to music. A rabbit underneath the bird feeder. The grandchildren saying the easter bunny has come. A shared memory of someone. Sitting around a campfire with family and roasting marshmallows and hot dogs.

The list can go on and on.

Have a good day everyone.


General Discussion / I am freaking out
« on: March 04, 2015, 11:47:01 pm »
In very very recent posts people talked about angels. I related my experience that my husband was an electrician and there were about five incidents with lights involved after he passed away.

I have a light fixture in the dining room which has three separate lights hanging down from it. I was straightenings things up before bed tonight. I looked up and two of the lights in the fixture were burnt out.

Is my husband trying to tell my family that he is around?  Especially with the very difficult situation of my son's separation with his wife.

This whole incident is scaring me. Should I be scared?


Hi everyone,

My husband was an electrician. Shortly after he passed away some what would you say para abnormal things happened. Is that the right term?

My pole lamp in the living room started flickering. Sometimes it would and sometimes not. I was watching the TV in the living room. Suddenly there was a loud crash. I have a dome light in the hallway near by. The glass part fell down and totally shattered. Glass everywhere.
In my rec room I also have dome lights. The glass part of one of them fell on the cushions of a big chair. It was all in one piece.
Then the light bulb burned out in my light pole by the bed which I can't remember it ever doing. There was another incident which I can't remember now.

How do you explain all this. I believe my husband was trying to tell me something. Probably that he was alright.

I just remembered something else. I don't know if I was semi awake. I saw him standing beside my bed. Sometimes I feel him near me.

My husband was such a good man. Is he trying to protect me?

All this truly happened.



Hi everyone,

As I understand Paul you said that lorazepam is shorter in your system. Shorter than clonazepam. Possibly lorazepam will not make me aggressive as I feel clonazepam seems to do to do to me sometimes. Do you have any idea how long clonazepam or lorazepam lasts in the system? I know you are not a doctor. Maybe I am asking hard questions. I guess it works differently for every person.
I take 1/2 clonazepam (.25) in the morning with breakfast. Rarely take more than that. Sometimes I take 1/4 of clonazepam later in day if I am anxious about something. This seems to work.

I think the next time I see my pdoc I will ask him if he has any recommendations for which he feels is better for me. Clonazepam or lorazepam. What time of day to take it and how much.

Does anyone have any thoughts about these two drugs? Maybe some of you are on them and can tell me how they make you feel. I know it is different for everyone.

I feel I am posting a lot lately. I hope I am not thinking only of myself.


General Discussion / swearing
« on: February 25, 2015, 02:51:14 pm »
I remember when I was in highschool if you uttered the word "f**k you were immediately sent to the principal's office. I was probably in highschool about 50 years ago. Things have dramatically changed.

I find now that when I get angry or frustrated the swear words flow. Being manic sometimes I guess does not help the inappropriate language.
My youngest brother says I have pottie mouth  then.

This swearing is not a constant thing with me. To call someone a b*t*ch or ba*t*rd or use the f**k, sh*t or other words is not very intelligent. Sometimes it feels so good though. Believe I hardly ever use this language around people (excluding bouts of mania). I use it more around my immediate family. Not generally at them.

Curious! Anyone else have comments on this?

Fuddle Duddle the famous words of Pierre Trudeau in parliament.


General Discussion / what is normal
« on: February 25, 2015, 02:34:41 pm »
Hi everyone,

I suffer from bipolar II. I guess that makes me nuts or crazy. In the last while I have met some people who have not been diagnosed with anything. People that are very selfish and think only about themselves. It doesn't matter how it effects other people. People who want every bargain they can get, have lots of money, spend it when they feel like it, begrudge other people close to them that spend.
I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone of us is nuts to some extent. Now I have lost my train of thought. Are we that have a mental illness sane and not other people?

Sometimes we are very naive about people and things. When our eyes are opened we are shocked. The world is not always a nice place to live in. I guess we have to look at the positives.

I feel like I am rambling and going from one subject to another. 


General Discussion / Something really triggered me tonight
« on: February 23, 2015, 11:45:46 pm »
Hi everyone,

My brother phoned me from Arizona tonight. His wife and him are vacationing there. My brother and I had a very nice pleasant long conversation. I didn't want to tell any of my extended family or my husband's extended family about my son and daughter-in-laws imminent separation. I did tell him about it. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone. Not even his wife. I trust my brother. As we were talking his wife and her friend came back to the place they are staying. My brother said to his wife do you want to talk to my sister for a minute. His wife got on the phone and said to my brother you didn't put in the code. She said to me this call is costing too much I have to end this conversation. When I got off the phone I laughted and laughted. This is coming  from a woman who is probably worth 2 million dollars. Yes that is the right figure. They go on cruises, she spends $500 a shot at Sears etc. You get the picture. I am not jealous. I have a mental problem. I think she certainly does. She changed so many dollars Canadian and got $ 9000.00 U.S. She saved $ 130.00. She went to a different exchange place. Is she sick or what.

I think that just triggered all the problems I have been having lately. I am crying and just want to punch things. I know there is a post about anxiety. I don't want to diminish that. Life is not easy right now. I know I am not the only one.


Hi everyone,

I have a very bad habit of looking at the physical appearance of a man or woman and then thinking that because of their looks they have a certain personality. I don't always give them a chance to show their inner self. Do any of you do the same thing?

In my family I had 5 siblings. Two older sisters. My oldest sister was labelled (is that the right word) as intellectually smart with a nice figure. My second oldest sister was very pretty. According to my parents not too smart intellectually. To this day she says she is stupid about a lot of things. I was labelled as intellectually smart. Not as nice looking as my sisters. Very handy in the things that I did. You grow up with low self esteem about your looks. Don't get me wrong they were good parents. My parents thought my husband was the nicest looking in his family of 4 siblings.

My husband comes from a family of 4 siblings. They were pigeon holed. Everyone had their strengths. His parents didn't know what my husband was going to be. I guess they didn't see his strengths. Did they think he was weak? Maybe. This did a number on his self esteem. Again they were good parents.

I have a brother-in-law. Outwardly he is not a very nice looking man as most people also say. He is like a brother to me and we are constantly kidding each other which we enjoy.

Thank heavens we don't all like or dislike certain people.

I have to stop looking at just the outside cover of a person. Sometimes you look at a person that is not physically attractive to you (that is only your opinion - some people might think otherwise) and you are pleasantly surprised what a great personality they have. Sometimes nice looks and not such a great personality.

People that are thought to be attractive and know it really bother me. They are so full of themselves. I don't particularly like those personalities.

Am I making sense or am I just babbling. Just throwing out ideas. I hope I haven't described my family too much and I am full of myself. I know I shouldn't say that and people are going to give me heck for that.

A lot of us (maybe that is not true) look at the movie stars and idolize some of them. They like their good looks. We like to believe what the press says about them.

I am being very wordy again. Thanks if you read to the end of this.


General Discussion / My son is going to see a mediator
« on: February 08, 2015, 01:13:26 pm »
For some of you that don't know my daughter-in-law and my son are separating. Suddenly she wanted out of the marriage. My daughter-in-law is

 having an affair. My son and his wife have two kids, an 8 yr. old girl and 5 yr. old boy.

My son's wife will not talk to him. My son is making an appointment for a mediator. Before he signs any separation papers he will see a lawyer.

Can anyone tell me what a mediator is or does?

I feel like I am constantly on this forum talking about my troubles. I know other people have problems too.



Hi everyone,

It is really hitting me hard right now about my son and daughter-in-law separating. I have been in tears. I needed to talk to someone. I phoned up the distress line that I have used very recently. I spoke to the nicest man. He listened to me talk which I did a lot and sympatized with me.

I have thought about this situation a lot. I must admit that my son is no saint. He really tried to make the marriage work. My son has worked hard to support his family. He took care of the kids while she went out partying and dancing with her friends and we now realize her boyfriend. In hindsight my son realizes that the affair his wife was having has been going on for at least 2 years. Maybe longer.
I am having a hard time going to watch my grandchildren swim and play hockey because my daughter-in-law and mother are there. I am going to have to be strong for my grandchildren and son and go eventually.

I have told my son that I will continue to pay for the swimming and hockey. There is one condition though. I know I will see my daughter-in-law and her mother there. I will be civil to them.

I do not want my daughter-in-laws boyfriend to come and watch. Is that unreasonable of me? I don't know if I could control myself then.


General Discussion / Marriage problems
« on: February 02, 2015, 01:51:42 pm »

My family just found out that my daughter-in-law has been cheating on my son. There are two young children involved in this. My son was willing to work it out. She wants no part of that and wants out.

A plus is that my daughter-in-law and son both really love their kids.

My son is no saint and is not always easy to live with. He has a steady job as a labor foreman. My son likes the job he does and makes good money. My daughter-in-law works three evenings a week. It is a low paid job. That doesn't matter. The guy she is cheating with works at this same place she does and thats where they met. The guy lives in the basement of his mother's house. He has a young daughter. He works as a DJ on some weekends.

My son & daughter-in-law own a semi-detached house, a new travel trailer and an expensive used truck. My son wants to be fair and split everything down the middle. My daughter-in-law has never been realistic with money. She cannot have credit cards. She maxes them out and then doesn't pay. My son has an account in his name only or the money would be gone. My son is very tired at the end of the week. It is mental and physical work. She leaves my son alone with the kids and she goes out dancing or doing other things with her friends. She hardly does things with him.

My daughter-in-law thinks that when she leaves my son she is going to have such a better life. She is going to get a rude awakening when my son's support and money aren't  there anymore.

My son is naturally extremely hurt. So am I and his two sisters. We all adore the children. My granddaughter knows that she won't be living with Daddy anymore. As you can understand she is extremely upset. She is upset that she won't see Oma or her two aunties any more.

I could go on and on. I am very sad that my husband is gone. At least he won't have to go through this. He would be devestated.

I am sure I am not the first one to go through this.


Hi everyone,

I used a distress line in my area twice in the last two weeks. I was very skeptical about getting through. I couldn't believe I did. A woman spoke to me the first time and a man the next time. Actually it doesn't matter about gender. Both people listened to me, very sympathetic and very caring. They helped me a lot. Of course, these depressed times usually come at night and on the weekend.

I have been going through quite a few situations lately that haven't been particularly pleasant.

Today my caseworker came to my house. She listened very carefully to my problems. She is a very good support and I like her very much.

I am more settled now and some of the situations have been taken care of.


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