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Messages - Soozan

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General Discussion / Re: Great exercises for anxiety, etc.!
« on: May 06, 2015, 11:40:15 am »
Peter, I don't know how you found that video and I am not going to ask about your surfing habits! that's hilarious!

- Soozan

General Discussion / Re: Quiet these days
« on: May 06, 2015, 11:34:28 am »
How sweet of you to remember Rich's birthday Paul! He isn't getting older he is getting better!

- Soozan :)

General Discussion / Re: "Emergency Nap Syndrome"
« on: April 26, 2015, 01:01:09 pm »
BTW, if you do get a cat, you don't have to give it milk to drink, the cat will get along just fine with water. This makes it easier if you have to leave it at home for a few days. The water doesn't go sour and all you have to do is leave it some fresh litter and a good supply of kibble. Take Care. paul m

Further to that ... contrary to popular belief milk is NOT good for cats .. unless they are newborn kittens then they sell kitten milk for that but that is only if they were taken from their mom too young .. 6-8 wk old kittens are better off with water .... cows milk is not good for cats

Just a note :)

General Discussion / Re: how is everyone doing
« on: March 29, 2015, 09:09:25 pm »
That's great news Lysta! There is nothing like a new car! less headaches! Congrats!

Rich and I are in the midst of spending another thousand or so on our van, so I am a little jealous!

Sorry you are going through a hard time Dragonfly ... I hope things settle for you ... hopefully it will just be a matter of getting a new routine.

Hi Lucky! I hope you have a great time on your vacation!

Cheers everyone!

General Discussion / Re: I had a sad day today
« on: March 23, 2015, 09:03:00 pm »
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support :) ... It is so hard, I still can't believe she is gone. I guess things just need time to gel.

- Soozan

General Discussion / I had a sad day today
« on: March 21, 2015, 09:18:56 pm »
Today I attended the funeral of a cousin who I grew up with who was like a sister to me, over the years we grew apart as she married and started her family but still saw each other at family get togethers, she was only 57 and just 7 months ago was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was so sad. She had just retired with her husband from being a real estate agent and was looking forward to being a snowbird between toronto and florida in their new house.

She was a beautiful woman and it tears me up that such a horrible disease has taken my beautiful, fun loving cousin away from me. It's just not fair. My dad told me many years ago that that is the hardest lesson that life gives us is that life is not fair!

My heart breaks for her family who is now without a wife, a mother and a woman who will never hold her grandchildren. I am sorry to be such a bummer here, I am sorry if this thread depresses anyone and brings up their own painful losses. I just had to share what was heavy on my heart this day.

- Soozan

Depression and Bipolar / Re: My story - a cautionary tale
« on: March 14, 2015, 03:27:56 pm »
Thank you for sharing your story messee I am sure it will help a lot of people. I agree with you about taking personal responsibility. Having bipolar 1, that is the one with delusions and mania, (so perhaps I shouldn't be commenting here but I felt compelled to do so)  I burned a lot of professional bridges and had to start my life over many times and I was in denial of my illness for many years. I just attributed it to being overworked etc.

Each time, there was only so much the "system" could do and I had to climb out of my own hole many times and it took a lot of determination and hard work. The last time, was the worst experience of my life and I did everything I could to get better. I reached out to any program I could as well as stuck to a regimen of medication. I hope to never go back there again. Now I limit the amount of work I do and like you, in my field the technology has much surpassed my knowledge but thankfully I have found a niche that I can still do and I can make some income although its not a full time gig.

I wish you well on your road to recovery!

- Soozan

General Discussion / Re: Introductions
« on: March 13, 2015, 07:07:44 am »
Hi Elizabeth, it's been a pleasure getting to know you on this board! I am glad you joined us and you definitely are not boring. You are very brave for having to deal with all you have dealt with .. sorry I am so late in welcoming you .. Introductions are usually the last place I notice on the board. Welcome!

- Soozan

General Discussion / Re: Motivation and Positivity?
« on: March 12, 2015, 10:40:18 pm »
Hi Lysta!

That is a huge success! I have yet to vacuum in a while (oops did I say that out loud ) ... luckily the carpet "looks" clean enough I think that was a HUGE accomplishment! Treat yourself to something nice! You deserve it!

- Soozan

General Discussion / Re: Met a very caring person today
« on: March 12, 2015, 10:35:47 pm »
I think its more of a "western world mentality" rather than just Canada. We are literally being forced into work from a survival mode. If we want a better life and to have to relax or have a nice place to live then we have to work twice as hard for it these days.. its sad.

We are making less money and working twice as hard! And they wonder why people are having strokes and heart attacks! It's the stress that is doing it to us. No wonder more and more too are suffering from mental illnesses as well .. there is only so much one can take!

My last breakdown was the worst I ever had and that was a result of working 16 hour days for months ( I worked from home so there was no relief ) I was slower at graphics than most people so it took me longer than the average person .... plus I had a stressful contract. Of course I went manic from lack of sleep, I don't know how I survived literally! I also had my heart checked out in 2011 and the arteries were beginning to harden. After a year or two of no stress they actually bounced back and the heart doctor gave me a clean bill of health so I was lucky, most are not. So in the long run, the breakdown saved my physical life!

- Soozan

General Discussion / Re: Children of a parent with mental illness
« on: March 12, 2015, 10:26:19 pm »
Hi Lysta and Dragonfly!

What great posts! I am so glad you brought this up!

The guilt that i have been carrying too has been overwhelming at times. Until 2012 I was a single mom and have a beautiful daughter. She also says that I was a good mom and knows I did my best. In 2010 I had the worst breakdown I have ever had and lost her for the better part of a year as Children's aid got involved as I was hospitalized and couldn't look after her. Luckily my sister was able to look after her but it was the worst hell I ever went through. People said to me "well she will always be your daughter" but until she was back under my roof, and my responsibility again, it felt like she wasn't ... I just kept thinking.. Yeah .. you lose your child to children's aid and then see how it feels!  It tore me up hearing her on the phone crying to me, asking me when this would all go back to the way it was... Eventually, I worked so hard getting better, going to counselling and meeting all of CA's requirements, and by the Grace of God met Rich and got her back again. She is now 18 and I am so grateful for her in my life. I also made sure that she had counselling as well, although I must admit that I think her counselor had her own prejudices against those with mental illnesses from some of the things my daughter would tell me... that made me angry but my daughter would just say ... its ok mom .. she just doesn't understand AND she doesn't know you...

After many long talks about my illness, she says that she really developed a level of compassion from having a mom with a mental illness, and I agree, she is so empathetic and has a beautiful heart. Her biggest complaint is that now that I am medicated, I am not the "fun mom" like I was when I was hypomanic. We used to just up and go on weekend trips.. go out to dinners, go shopping, move residences whenever it struck my fancy, of course she never realized I was living off of credit and went about 30,000 in the hole .... (luckily I was able to do a consumer proposal and got rid of the debt.) But that is what she has to live with now ... she also forgets the bad times when I would scream at her when my moods got the better of me. I think that's one thing about kids, they only tend to remember the good times (unless there are no good times) and tend to let go of the bad.

Lysta, I was so touched by what that man said to you! I hope you own his words because I am sure you deserve it! You sound like a great mom! And so do you Dragonfly! I think we can all pat ourselves on the back for doing our best with what we had to work with!

Thanks again for this post, I am sure it will and is helping a lot of the parents who read this!

- Soozan

General Discussion / Re: Motivation and Positivity?
« on: March 08, 2015, 10:16:31 pm »
Hi Lysta,

Welcome to the forum! I can so identify with how you are feeling! I was a single mom without a husband until 2 years ago when my daughter was 15 so I know what it's like to be a sole provider, I was a workaholic, and had a huge breakdown, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and now that I am medicated, I feel so much like you feel. I have no motivation other than sitting at my computer ( I work from  home doing computer graphics but on a more part time basis) and when I cook its the bare minimum, I still have to do chores but I am lucky if I can get the laundry done and keep myself showered. I am currently without a psychiatrist so I can't even get my meds adjusted because my gp won't mess with them so until I find another psychiatrist ( I fired mine.. he was an insensitive jerk) I can't get any help with adjusting them to give me more of a life if that is even possible .. I feel as if I am over medicated but who is to know ...

I am 150 lbs overweight and pretty much a shut in .. I have anxiety about going out and frankly am pretty apathetic about going out and being with people, I have friends on the net through my work but that's about it .. of course I am lucky to have a great husband ( I am lucky, he picks up my slack) and my daughter is a great girl too but she has to live her own life .. she is 18. I feel like I am just a shell of what I used to be ... even though I was hypomanic, I miss the happy go lucky me .. but I don't miss the side of me that was wreckless either and unfortunately we can't have both.

Please keep writing here... you are among friends and even though you may not have friends where you are .. you have friends here. My heart goes out to you.

- Soozan

I agree :)

I have so many memories of my daughter saying the cutest things :) my favorites are : "mommy are you happy at me?" or another time ... when she didn't get her way she threw herself on the bed and say "You have ruined my beautiful life!" .... LOL .... I think she was watching too many disney princess stories LOL ... Another time, I surprised her on her first day of school with the new little mermaid movie and told her she was going to have her friends over for dinner and to watch the movie and she was so over come she just gasped, wrapped her arms around me and said "mommy I am so proud of you!!!"

I so miss that time in her life! :)

Now she is 18 and I she is still making memories with me but remembering that stage in her life makes me tear up :)

Thanks for sharing Dragonfly!

General Discussion / Re: I am freaking out
« on: March 05, 2015, 11:11:09 pm »
Hi Dragonfly, I hope our conversations are not scaring you, two bulbs can go at once ... I am sure that your husband would not want to scare you. I hope you find peace.

Remember you are surrounded in love, just tell your husband if this is his way of contacting you, you don't like it and to stop, then if something else happens you know its a co incidence. Angels aren't just spirits of loved ones they are also celestial beings who watch over us. If you are in fear call on them to watch over you and help you through  your fear.

I don't mean to be all airy fairy.... I just want to follow up on the angel reference.

Wishing you peace and a good night's rest!

- Soozan

I believe that too Lucky and Dragonfly, our loved ones will do anything to get a message to us and they use the only methods that they know how, I saw my Great Grandfather come to me as a mist when I was a little child, even though it was a mist I knew it was him. My father comforted me saying, "he loved you, he didn't come to scare you, he came to tell you he loved you" .... that was always very comforting.

I had a son that died as a baby at 3 days old and after that, things went missing and then would appear in different places, like a child would play, I believe they do what they can to let us know they are still around loving us and letting us know we are loved. :)

There is nothing to fear but fear itself....

- Soozan

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