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« on: March 04, 2017, 10:29:04 am »
I was trying to visit with my two daughters yesterday. I got really, really angry at them. They were both on their cell phones looking up information, on facebook, etc.
I know there was another issue underneath the anger I felt with my girls. I spoke earlier in my post about my son who is separated from his wife and her brother committed suicide. I knew the deceased and his family well. We camped with them.
I was trying to talk myself into going to the visitation yesterday afternoon to support my son and grandchildren. I felt guilty. I saw my son's ex earlier that day and I told her I was very sorry about her brother's death. I told her how close I had been to suicide one time. Not to blame herself nor should her family. Her brother was in so much pain and considered himself worthless and a burden to his family. She asked if their was any grievance conselling and I said the funeral home could provide that.
I think I am so upset because it is bringing back all the times when I was extremely depressed and had suicidal ideas. One suicidal sttempt but a cry for help. And another upsetting thing is that the deceased is having visitation and service at the funeral home where my late husband's funeral was. More memories and how much I miss him. I can't seem to stop crying.
I feel like a hypocrite. The deceased was very mentally ill like I have been in the past. I just can't seem to accept his immature and spoiled behaviour. Very disrespectfull (can't seem to spell properly), immoral actions, bragging, very loud and full of himself. Behind all this a very low self esteem. These behaviors are the very opposite to the way my family things. The parents enabled this. I don't have much respect for the whole family. I believe I am now being very judgemental.
My daughters tell me I should forget about how that family acts and not worry about it. Of course, worried about the influence they have on my grandchildren. My daughters, my son and and I with love and care for them and will instill as much as possible for them to be moral and to treat people the way they would want to be treated. My youngest daughter makes this statement all the time.
Well it is time to start thinking positive again and move on. I know I am not supose to apologize for the long post. Thanks for reading it.
Dragonfly