MDAO Forum

Support for People with Mood Disorders => General Discussion => Topic started by: Dragonfly on July 14, 2015, 07:09:53 pm

Title: How is everyone doing
Post by: Dragonfly on July 14, 2015, 07:09:53 pm
Hi everyone,

How is everyone doing? Today the humidity is very bad. Hope everyone has AC.

My son is now living with me. The children live at my house part of the time. His wife has main custody of the children.

I can't get over how demanding she is when she drops off or picks up the children. His separated wife has no conscience whatsoever. She drops off her 2 kids at my house as much as possible. My son doesn't mind. He misses the kids so much. I could go on and on but I won't. The situation is what it is. I am still going on and on. My daughters and I support my son and 2 kids. We love them dearly. The ex-separated wife still wants my daughters and I to like her. Her boyfriend, lover, is now in the picture with his daughter (maybe 10 years old).

My grandchildren do not want to go home with their Mom when they are at my place. My 8 year old granddaughter hid behind the loveseat.

I have to stop thinking about it. It doesn't do me any good.

Hope everyone is having a nice summer and doing as well as they can.

Soon I will be camping again. My son and grandchildren will be there too as will my extended family on my side. I am sure I will enjoy every minute.

I hope I am not going on too much.

Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on July 15, 2015, 02:13:40 pm
Hey Dragonfly,

You should never feel like you are going on too much. We are all here to listen and get how important it is to get those nasty feelings out rather than festering and eating at the soul. I apparently left right before the humidity went crazy, so hopefully there's some left when I get back on the 19th (I secretly love it).

Your camping trip sounds like a lot of fun, I'm going to be camping on a beach for a couple days out west soon. What kind of camping are you and your family doing? As a kid I always looked forward to going those big extended family camping trips, everything just strips down to the basics and life is great.

Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: paulm on July 16, 2015, 06:33:20 am
Hello Dragonfly. Sorry to hear about your continued problems. However on the bright side when they turn 12, they can pick which parent they want to live with (usually) provided that parent wants them full time.

 I think that I mentioned it before, but your son should really keep track of how often he has the kids. If it adds up to even 25% of the time, he is eligible for a reduction in child support. Of course I wouldn't claim that until everything is settled and finalized. (child support can always be changed if the custody sharing arrangement changes)

 In regards to liking people, your ex daughter-in-law should probably hope for civil rather than like.

 I hope that you have some good times camping. Take Care. paul m

Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on July 20, 2015, 04:17:53 pm
let us know how the camping trip went!
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: Dragonfly on July 22, 2015, 10:53:23 am
Thank you GrizzlyMantooth and Paul for your kind words.

I am going camping to a provincial park starting next wednesday to the civic holiday. I am spoilt. I am going camping in an rv. Since I am older now like the conveniences. Started in a tent, then tent trailer, travel trailer and now the rv.

I mostly go camping in provincial and conservation parks. I take trips to the u.s. and usually stay in a state park.

GrizzlyMantooth could you tell me about your camping trip. I have never been out west.

I agree totally that camping is such a stress reliever. You get away from every day life and your worries. We don't take a TV. I recently got a cell phone for emergency purposes. It is hard to find a pay phone these days. I don't abuse and use the cell phone when necessary. No computer.


Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on July 22, 2015, 03:09:28 pm
yeah you have to totally disconnect and just sit in nature and enjoy the company of others, that's what it is all about. I grew up on Vancouver Island so I've done a bit of every kind of camping (boating to gulf islands, tent camping, rv camping in alberta, etc.) Never camped in Ontario though so that is something I am looking forward to (just don't own a car, so makes it difficult to get anywhere out of Toronto).

The place we went this time was called Sombrio Beach, it is part of a hiking trail along the west coast of Vancouver Island, the parking lot is 20 minute walk up a hillside and you have to hike all your stuff down to the beach to camp. Mostly surfers and hikers are the people there, but it is nice because you don't get a lot of big groups since you can't drive in and there's a decent amount of black bears (sometimes they close off parts of the trail and beach if there are cubs around). You pay ten dollars a head and drop it in secure box in the parking lot, never saw a park ranger the entire time so it's a loyalty system.

I love just pitching a tent on the beach so it was perfect for us for a few days, we also found a sacred tribal waterfall in a beautiful cavern that streams into the ocean, I felt blessed just being there. There were also some neat caves when the tide goes out that you can explore, but i get so paranoid about bears when it comes to caves, especially since people don't use the food lockers at night.

The only downfall of the trip was that there was a total fire ban with the drought/forest fires out west so the good ol campfire was at night it was a little chilly, not humid like it is out here.

anyways I could go on for hours about it, but I'll leave it at that :)
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: paulm on July 23, 2015, 12:34:34 am
Hello GrizzlyMantooth. In regards to being able to camp in Ontario, some provincial parks offer transportation and some equipment under the learn to camp program. (each for a fee)  Anybody can sign up for the bus or the learn to camp programs, but thy also have a graduate program where you can rent all the equipment for a week.  For the weekend program it's approx 130 bucks(total not per person) and while that sounds expensive, you get your camp fees, ice, firewood, fuel, stove, flashlights etc etc and a tent big enough for 6.  You can drive yourself or take the bus(for a separate fee per person)

 The buses run to a variety of parks and can be used with your own equipment.  The details about the learn to camp program( which you can use with or without the bus) I know that you already know how to camp, but the prices for the campsites and all equip (except food , personal stuff and sleeping gear) and I don't think that they put anyone through a lie detector test to see if they are really a newcomer to camping.

 The province also has an independent camp program at one park where you can rent all the equipment for 1 day up to a week   and scroll down the page. 

 The overall programs are not that cheap for one or two people, but if 4 adults were going by car, the pricing isn't too bad if you don't have your own equipment. The bus is a bit pricey for a weekend, renting a car may be a better option. Take Care. paul m

 Hello Dragonfly. I hope that you enjoy your camping, when we go we dfon't take a computer etc either. Take Care. paul m
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on July 23, 2015, 12:55:54 am
Thanks Paul! I'll look into these for sure (my fiancee loves camping and misses it since we moved here, last week was the first trip we have done in 6 years).
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: Peace on July 25, 2015, 12:12:44 pm
Hi Dragonfly  :)

I'm very interested in your post because my own parents separated when I was 13, then divorced. My life was quite unstable as a result. 5 different high schools, 3 different towns/cities, and 8 different apartments/houses between the ages of 13 and 19. At the age of 19 I no longer lived with either of my parents.

I 100% agree with Paul's statement that your son should be tracking the hours the children are in his or your care, and applying for a reduction in child care.

Another thing to keep in mind as far as your grandchildren are concerned is to keep a look out and to listen to your grandchildren on the subject of favouritism and fairness as far as the daughter of her boyfriend is concerned. What I mean by that is to ensure she isn't given more attention, monetary items, better treatment, etc than your grandchildren are. I still have lingering resentment and hurt over the situation I was in when my dad's girlfriends and her two daughters moved in with my dad, brother, and I.

It sounds to me like your grandchildren are very fortunate to have you and your daughters in their lives.
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: Peace on July 25, 2015, 12:16:34 pm
Hi there GrizzlyMantooth  Nice to cyber meet you!  :) I've been reading what you post and enjoy what you have to say.
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: Peace on July 25, 2015, 12:17:47 pm
Hi Paul. Happy camping to you and family this summer!  :)
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: Peace on July 25, 2015, 12:44:42 pm
Hello to everyone!  :)

For an update as to how I'm doing, my answer is it depends on the day. One day I can be functioning without too much issue, the next day I can be quite debilitated from OCD and anxiety.

I'm the "go to"person in the home for any and all issues. With OCD I need to focus on the task I'm doing. If I'm interrupted my attention will then turn to the issue I was interrupted with and it will be hard for me to return to the task I was originally doing. My husband's self-esteem is low, resulting in him coming to me with the simplest of things/decisions asked of him by our children or with his own issues.

I'm making an effort to exercise on a regular basis, but due to the dependency on me by my family it sometimes takes a back burner because I'm too exhausted or have run out of time from assisting others with their day to day living. Family meetings haven't resulted in changes to the dependency on me.

My main wish now is to keep it together long enough for my youngest to graduate college or university because I'm her go to person to talk through major decisions, and I'm the one in charge of the financial aspects of post-secondary education.

The family was in Cuba last week. I didn't go due to my Agoraphobia and strained relationship with my husband. I was ecstatic during that week. Currently I reside in my bedroom in the basement when my husband is home due to the strained relationship. I was able to have free roam of the upstairs of the house. I performed between 6 and 8 hours of deep house cleaning each day. My goodness, the joy in being able to do a task without interruption was incredible!

My oldest daughter's boyfriend from a city/province 3,500 km away is visiting until Tuesday. He's a nice person, it's just a bit of a strain on everyone in our home, as well as extra laundry, cooking, and clean up.

My daughter and my brothers (both residing in heaven) birthdays are within 17 days of each other. That was a grief-filled time for me. My oldest daughter and I went to the cemetery on my daughters birthday, and that was a beautiful bonding moment for us.

I'm so sorry for being so long winded. That's what my OCD does to me. My mind does not turn off. Thank you SO much for "listening".

Miss you all!

Peace (formerly Spirit)
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: Dragonfly on July 27, 2015, 07:19:27 pm
Hi Peace,

You are not long winded at all. It is good to hear from you although I realize that you are struggling so much. You certainly went through a time when you were young and your parents divorced.

Right now my son is camping for a week with the kids. My daughters and I will soon follow as well as some of my extended family.
When the kids Mother comes they don't rush to see her. I had to tell them to go see their Mother before my son took them camping. The kids were playing and didn't really seem to care.
His wife (they are now separated and he is living at my house) is already starting to struggle for money. She will in a few days receive money from the sale of the house. It was a sizable amount. His wife will be through it in no time. I am worried that when she runs out she will go after my son for more. I shouldn't worry. Time will tell.

Peace it sounds like you have so much on your plate and everyone is very dependent on you.

I am glad you enjoyed your time when your family was away. I am not sure how you would do it. It would be nice if you could have some more time to yourself.

It sounds like you get support from your daughter. Could you use her support or anyone else who supports you? I hate asking my kids to help me, drive me places, etc. I shouldn't feel that way. I give them a lot of support. You give your whole family support. Will they give you help if you ask for it?

I am thinking of you.


Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: paulm on July 28, 2015, 12:00:11 am
Hello Peace. Good to hear from you and like Dragonfly, I don't think you are long winded. Take Care. paul m
Title: Re: How is everyone doing
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on July 28, 2015, 12:12:55 am
Hey Peace,
I love reading about other people's lives, you should never feel like anything is too long-winded. Stories are what bring us closer together as human beings :) . As dragonfly has already said you seem like you've got a lot on your table, it reminds me of what my mother likely went through when I was growing up (she also has mental illness issues). I can barely keep my own life together, I can't even imagine being responsible for so many others. You are a hero and never forget that.

Hey Dragonfly,
I hope you and your family have a wonderful time camping. As someone who is pretty terrible with money and I see my fiancee stress over my habits, I understand how you may be concerned about the ex's money troubles as it connects to your own family's well being. It sounds like you at least have a somewhat amicable relationship going with the mother, that she comes over to your house and what not. So that's a sign for optimism I think.