MDAO Forum

Support for People with Mood Disorders => General Discussion => Topic started by: Dragonfly on June 26, 2015, 10:58:22 pm

Title: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: Dragonfly on June 26, 2015, 10:58:22 pm
Hi everyone,

My son is coming to live with me for awhile (who knows how long) this sat. His wife wanted out of the marriage not him. They will have joint custody of the two kids. My son has to pay child support since he earns much more than she does. His wife will have a full time job in September and will make just over minimun wage. She has rented a townhouse for $ 1500.00 which must have been signed for by her Mom & Dad. She has no credit rating. She couldn't handle credit cards in the past.  She will get $ 1000.00 child support from my son and baby bonus (I don't know if that is what you call it now). I don't know if she will get more benefits since she is a single Mom. They made quite a bit on the sale of their house. In her mind she is already spending the money. No one can understand how she is going to make it.

Will his wife be able to go after my son for more money if she becomes desparate? Would she have to go to court to get more money from him? She has said he doesn't want alimony from him but that could change.

A separation agreement was made out. His wife will not sign it. She doesn't understand the words and thinks my son is putting one over on him. I keep telling him it should be signed. He won't listen. His wife has agreed on everything. They haven't made up the times when each will have the kids. She will be the primary.

For the last two to three weeks my son has had the kids every night except for two nights. Then she wanted him to take them too. Since he wouldn't and he needed a break his wife left them with her Mother. It is like she has given up total responsibility for them.

There are other aspects to this situation which I won't go into. Very worried about my grandchildren and son.


Title: Re: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on June 26, 2015, 11:24:48 pm
Hey Dragonfly,

Sorry to hear that, it sounds like a stressful situation for everyone involved. From your description a whole lot of different factors are in play there. My psychiatrist introduced me to some solid cognitive techniques when it comes to situations like this that I find helpful for the over thinking and anxiety. It's pretty simple, you think of the best outcome, the worst outcome and then the most likely outcome. It might be worth trying to work that out in your head, for me it's super hard to step back and I can't always do it. But the court systems are supposed to be only concerned with the welfare of the child, so given that is the case and the way you described the stability of your son's environment I would be hopeful for your grandsons future.

In regards to the her not claiming she understand the contract and what not, that is the job of the lawyers to figure out. If her lawyer is not able to clarify it for her it may just be a delay tactic...but she may not even realize she's doing it. Trying to put yourself in her shoes for a bit and ask how you would react.

Anyways I'm not sure if that helped but if you want to talk feel free to pm me whenever.
I hope everything works out for you all!
Title: Re: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: paulm on June 27, 2015, 03:13:24 am
Hello Dragonfly. I'm sure that this is a very stressful time for you. This will be sort of wishy washy advice, but it's the best that I can do, perhaps someone else will know better.

 Basically child support is decided based on each persons income and guidelines published by the gov't and the courts pretty much follow that.  A not bad website is . You just have to fill in the blanks. 

 If your son has the children a lot, then he should be making note of that and eventually going for sole custody or joint custody or even 70-30 custody which can all make a difference in the amount of child support that he has to pay. (and in a big way)

 If I remember correctly your grandchildren are fairly young and if they go to university or college he could be on the hook for child support until they turn 24. So what ever he gets signed or doesn't get signed now is going to affect his life for a very long time.

 Alimony is a different matter and it depends on a lot of factors,including how long that they have lived together, but a key factor here what is signed at the time of separation. A judge is less likely to change this, even when circumstances change. But it could happen.

  If your son's ex spouse won't sign the papers than your sons lawyer should be sending off letters to advise her of what course of action that she will face if she doesn't sign. If your son doesn't have a lawyer handling this, then he is just courting problems. Everything may turn out all right, but the odds are against him and any money that he saves in legal fees may be eventually paid out 5 times over in other costs.

 Good Luck and take Care. paul m
Title: Re: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: Dragonfly on June 27, 2015, 07:34:39 am
Hi everyone,

There is more to this story of the separation between my son and his wife.

As I have mentioned previously that on the occasion when my son does not take the children when his wife demands it she takes the two kids to her mom for babysitting.

At the moment my son's wife's parents have her brother and girlfriend living with them. The brother is under house arrest with his parents. He has been caught drunk driving on a number of occasions. I don't know all the details of how the brother has to serve his time under house arrest. (He is going on a trip to New Brunswick for a week probably today - I would say that would not be allowed under house arrest - I don't know).
It gets worse. The brother is a drug dealer and I believe is carrying on his dealing in his parents house which he did in the past when he was living at home. Many friends of the brother, my son's wife, my son know of his dealings.

My son's wife's brother has bullied my granddaughter on occasion making her cry and throw things at him.

If this brother gets caught dealing drugs the parents and his girlfriend who is living with them would be accessories i would say.

I don't like my grandchildren going there and neither does my son. If my health was up for it I would take care of them when my son cannot due to obligations on his part. I just can't though by myself when he is working. I will already be taking care of them to a certain extent when my son has the kids. This won't be easy for me but I am thinking mainly of my grandkids.

I really need some advice. Do I go to the police with my suspicions? I really don't think so. See a lawyer. That is expensive. It could wipe me out. I don't have any friends that are lawyers who could advice me.

I do know someone professional whose partner is a cop.

Help. I wish my husband was here.

Title: Re: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on June 27, 2015, 11:50:12 am
that sounds like a toxic environment for a child for sure. and the courts should be aware of it. perhaps discuss it with your son more and see if he might discuss it with his lawyer?

edit-I say this because the divorce lawyer would likely know the ins and outs of what you need to provide to the courts to make them aware of the severity of the issue. I doubt a custody judge would be alright knowing a child is being left by their mother in a place where there is criminal activity and bullying.
Title: Re: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: paulm on June 29, 2015, 04:01:11 pm
Hello Dragonfly. I agree with GrizzlyManTooth. A good lawyer is needed and the sooner the better. Esp if she is moving out in the fall. Getting proof of drug dealing and bullying is something that requires documentation and/or proof.  Everything else is just heresay in front of a judge.

 In regards to you not being able to look after them full time, I can understand that. However that is what day care is for. If your son has full time custody of the kids then he doesn't have to pay child support and the 1000 bucks a mth could be used for day care. Even if he gets joint custody than he be saving money on child support.  Good Luck and
Take Care. paul m
Title: Re: Could someone give me advice. I need to help my son & grandchildren.
Post by: GrizzlyMantooth on June 29, 2015, 06:35:19 pm
I'm no legal expert or anything...but if you ever just need to rant and vent your anxieties feel free to pm me. I'm a good listener.