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Messages - NeitherHereNorThere

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General Discussion / Re: Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol
« on: October 16, 2014, 11:29:41 am »
Hi Dragonfly and paulm.  I have read your posts a couple of times and it keeps bringing me back to my childhood.

As an adult, I am really angry about losing my childhood and innocence.  My siblings and I had to take care of ourselves and our parents, while our parents spun our lives out of control.  We were never able to just be kids.  We had to keep the family secrets so we never felt good enough to hang around kind-loving people, just incase they asked about our home life.  We were constantly in a state of anxiety.

I don't know what the answer is here but is there a way that you can step away from the destructive cycle and have an innocent relationship with your grandkids?  I think when they grow older, they will greatly appreciate having someone in their lives that knows everything about them and still shows them that they will one day be able to make their own choices in life.  It is very embarrassing for the kids but they/we don't want to betray our parents.  We tend to gravitate towards like-minded peers and so the cycle continues.

Again, I don't know what the answer is but I do wish that I had someone in my life that allowed me to be an innocent kid.

I'm sending you good thoughts and hugs, and wish genuine love for you today.

General Discussion / Re: non-medicated bipolar and marriage
« on: October 16, 2014, 11:04:48 am »
I'm sorry you're having such a run around mmarynuk.  I don't want to intrude on your personal affairs but I'm confused about Trillium refusing you.  Your future plans are non of their business.  The application is to determine if your are "now" eligible for assistance.  I was working when they approved me--as their only concern was what my income was.  In addition to being approved, Social Services paid my Trillium deductible.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure what kind of advice would be helpful to you.  In the past, I have called my local politicians office and received very helpful advice.  Sometimes, there is strength in numbers and having a big-wig in your corner can make all the difference.  It would be helpful to keep in mind that these people that we deal with, are humans with their own moods and prejudices.

I worked at Social Services during my college years and I can tell you that they make exceptions for people that they have a good feeling about.  Although they have strict rules and guidelines, the workers did not report some people after finding out that they were working under-the-table.

Fighting for yourself is extremely exhausting but we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I hope this helps.


General Discussion / Re: Brain transplant or adjustment?
« on: October 11, 2014, 06:53:49 am »
Hello Gentlemen,

This is the thing that I find both frustrating and humorous.  I have wondered what exactly it is that blocks my memory to point that I get so mixed up about routine things.  It's getting worse as I age.  Unfortunately, even when it isn't happening; I worry that it will.

It was nice to hear that you aren't beating yourself up over this.  It's a good lesson for me; to just chill.

General Discussion / Re: Community Dinner at my church
« on: October 10, 2014, 08:06:10 am »
Excellent!  JennyRN70, it sounds like it's going to be a great experience.

Cyber Hugs!

General Discussion / Re: Schedules
« on: October 08, 2014, 06:55:13 am »
Hi Dragonfly.  Thank you.  I replied to your post yesterday but it didn't catch.

It went something like this....  It sounds like we need a list of our lists.  I also forget where I park my car and I get lost ALL the time.  My glove compartment is full of driving directions.

I had also mentioned that I saw a rainbow yesterday and that I didn't know if I was supposed to do something about it.  You know, make a wish or buy a lottery ticket....  I just brushed my teeth and read a book.  Rainbows aren't on my list.

General Discussion / Re: Community Dinner at my church
« on: October 08, 2014, 06:47:50 am »
Hi JennyRN70.  Thanks very much for the invitation.  I'm in the west end and my meds knock me out by 8pm.  My thoughts will be with you.  I'm sending you love and energy, and I hope you enjoy the evening.  Hugs!

General Discussion / Re: Thanksgiving
« on: October 08, 2014, 06:40:47 am »
Hi all, I am thankful for genuine friendship.

Hi Dragonfly.

When I read your post, I didn't feel that you were looking for pity.  I hear genuine love coming from you.  It sounds like you have love all around you.  It warms my heart to know that you not only embrace the love but you give it back.

I'm very sorry that your husband passed away.  I can't imagine losing a love so great.  Thankfully, we have our memories.  Hugs to you!

General Discussion / Re: W5 tonight "suicide watch"
« on: October 06, 2014, 07:33:53 am »
Hi all.

If anyone missed the show and would like to read up on the subject, here's the link

I hope the link works....  If I didn't copy and past it properly, you can just go to the W5 website and choose the 300 Suicide Deaths....

Although it's very sad, I am glad that this came out in the open.  I myself felt absolutely worthless, thinking that these people are "paid" to help me and even they don't care.  These thoughts were/are toxic.  Right or wrong, I can't dwell on it and need to focus on the positives in life.

General Discussion / Re: Laughing like Crazy Comedy Show on the 24th.....
« on: October 05, 2014, 08:09:38 am »
Hi Pleeb,

I'm sorry to hear that you weren't feeling well.  How are you today?

Did anyone here attend this?  I wanted to go but the evenings are a problem for me right now.  After 8pm, I start to babble because my mouth seems to disconnect from my brain (LOL).  I will blame the meds...

You're brave Pleeb.  I wouldn't dare get up on stage without wearing an Attends....I would pee my pants, for sure.  BRAVO!

Hi all.  paulm, thank you for the morning laugh.  Please express my congratulations to your married friends.  It is wonderful to hear that humour is part of the relationships.  I don't think people "get" my humour or at least, they don't think that I should joke about my "craziness".  Such a shame....  For me, I know that when I've lost my sense of humour--it's time to go--nothing more to say or do--exit-stage-left.

Have a super day all!

General Discussion / Re: Welcome Neither Here Nor There
« on: October 05, 2014, 07:51:23 am »
Hi Peace and paulm.

Thank you so much for your welcoming, kind words.  As a Newbie, there is a lot of good information here and I am so relieved (and comforted) to be a part this community.  Everyone here "gets it".  You "really" do!

After reading so much information and the communities posts, I feel relieved that I don't have to explain "everything".

Virtual hugs all around!

General Discussion / Re: W5 tonight "suicide watch"
« on: October 05, 2014, 07:43:03 am »
Hi JennyRN70 and paulm.  I watched this last night and am not surprised.  Are the mental health professionals not ashamed for hiding the facts?

Last October, I was hospitalized at Trillium (Mississauga) and it was a horrendous experience.  I was given a hefty dosage of "new" medications and thought I was going to have a stroke.  I am a smoker, so every hour we were allowed to get our smokes and go out of the locked wing (unsupervised).  Yes, I was admitted for suicidal related reasons.  The nurses were as cold as ice and as I was there for help, it made me feel like this is the beginning of the end.  On the morning that I was discharged, they all but said "don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on my way out".

Heaven forbid that we express our concerns to our doctors or workers.  They all stick together.  Time and time again, the feedback that I get is that you either do things their way or you're deemed uncooperative.  After all, they are there to help you and when you "resist" (so they think) then you "really" don't want any help.  Pft.

Unfortunately, this is just a job to most people in the mental health sector.  Thank God for this website!

p.s.  Trillium (Mississauga) on the Queensway - Mental Health Unit needs an attitude adjustment.

General Discussion / Re: Schedules
« on: October 03, 2014, 12:10:21 pm »
Hi all.  I was just talking about this topic yesterday and laughing at myself.  I have my morning schedule written on a list and keep the list in the bathroom.   This happened years ago; I would take my morning shower and forget to wash my hair.  I wouldn't even notice until I got out and was drying off.  Also; would leave for work and realize that I hadn't brushed my teeth.  Of course, I was devastated at the time but I laugh about it now.  What else can you do, right?

It seems strange to me but I can remember things/tasks for other people but not my own.  I will think of something that I need to get done and then ... it's gone.  Poof.  I forget to do it.  It's like just thinking about getting it done, made it happen and then I'm on to the next thing (that I forget to do).  It's funny but it isn't.  Know what I mean?  I have several "lists" and I'm glad to have them but not glad that I need them.

This girl NEEDS to stick to her schedules.  The tiniest change in my schedule(s) whips me into a whirl.

Hi all.  I've always measured my mental health stability against how successful I am at work.  Unfortunately, I am getting worse and worse at securing employment.  Years ago, I gave up on romantic relationships because ... well ... I am just terrible at it.  If I take a high enough dosage (of the "right" medications), then I can't function properly at work.  As this is a failure to me, I am ashamed to start any new relationships.  What would I say when they ask "so, what do you do for a living?"  ...spinning my wheels....  I'm so glad to have found this site.

I am so happy to hear that it "is" possible to maintain a loving, romantic relationship while trying to manage Bipolar disorder.  It gives a girl some hope.

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