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Messages - NeitherHereNorThere

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General Discussion / Re: Moving Date
« on: November 14, 2015, 09:10:59 am »
Good morning all,

Peace; I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.  When I go through times like these, I wish I could curl up in a ball and roll away.  I don't know of any way to emotionally and mentally prepare for living alone.  I understand your fear.  I have been living alone for many years (my choice) and it has taken a lot of hard work but I stay close to my true supports and draw strength from them.  I have provided a few websites that may have a service (or services) that you would be interested in.

I understand that it hurts when you realize that your current supports (family, friends,) don't seem to be engaged and you may feel that they've abandoned you.  I just hope that you don't spend what little energy you have in trying to get them to understand and help.  It is, what it is and in the meantime, you need to take care of yourself.  There is plenty of information out there; made available for people that want to understand and tips on how they can help.  I know that my loved-ones are not Google-challenged, so I have to accept that they have their own reasons for not making an effort.  I find that dwelling on it just takes up head-space and blocks my ability to remember why I love them. 

You're not alone.  We ALL need and deserve healthy supports in our lives, whether we have mental health issues or not.  We are not made to go through life alone.  I hope the websites help you locate long term healthy supports, a means to keep food on your table and an advocate to assist you with your legal matters.

Take good care.

General Discussion / Re: Dancing
« on: August 23, 2015, 07:00:44 pm »
Hi all,

Speaking of dancing....  I read the book 'The Dance of Anger' by Dr. Harriet Lerner (first published in 1985).  It was the starting point to helping me understand the chaos in my life.  It wasn't until I re-read the book many years later, that I realized my part in the chaos continuing and it was like a light bulb came on.  Unfortunately, I wasted sooo many years trying to change everyone so that (in my eyes) we could all just be happy.  How arrogant of me.  I don't know why I ever thought that I had the answers or that much control.  I must say, that once I worked on letting go of the "I'll always be there for you and pick you up when you're down" mentality; positive things began to happen (slowly).

This quote is an oldie and it's one of my favourites.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Take good care everyone!

Hi all,

There is an important survey found at the website below.  I intended to add the link but I'm not sure if it worked.  The deadline for this survey is August 31st, 2015.


The government is appointing a Patient Ombudsman to help patients and their caregivers ensure their voices are heard, when it comes to patient care at a hospital, long-term care home or Community Care Access Centre (CCAC).

The work of the Patient Ombudsman will complement the work of other existing organizations in the health system that handle complaints, including the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care and the Health Services Appeal and Review Board.

The Patient Ombudsman will work directly with patients and health sector organizations to facilitate the resolution of complaints that have not been resolved by existing patient relations processes. He or she will also have the power to conduct investigations, either in response to complaints or on his or her own initiative.

The government is looking for input on what qualities Ontarians feel are most important in their Patient Ombudsman, particularly his or her:
•personality traits

I strongly encourage everyone to at least read the information provided and hope that we can all take a moment to fill out the survey.


Thanks everyone.

Take good care!

General Discussion / Re: a few laughs(maybe)
« on: July 11, 2015, 04:47:07 pm »
Hi paulm,

Great laughs, thank you.

I identify with "Sometimes I try counting sheep.........."  LOL.  I have a lot of humerous stories but I can't retell them in a way that anyone will understand how hilarious they were.  If I had a dime for every time I finished my stories with "okay, maybe you had to be there", I'd be rich!

Take good care,

General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: January 07, 2015, 03:35:55 pm »
Thank you paulm and all supporters.

I am very interested in the WRAP sessions and am currently looking into how I can join.  I truly believe that I'm not 1) recognizing all of my triggers and 2) not equipped to manage my triggers.  I believe that WRAP would be a huge benefit.

paulm; I'm sorry that you experienced the brush-off from your therapist.  I was beginning to think that it was only happening to me...  I wish I could say that it had only happened to me once.  Unfortunately, it happens more and more as I learn how to cope better.  Thank you for sharing and understanding.

Clearly, the holidays have been a strain.  Thank God for this forum.

Take good care everyone.

General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: January 05, 2015, 04:16:12 pm »
I find this illness so tricky to stay on top of.  Sometimes, I spend so much time deciding whether I need to take action or ride-the-waves.  I'm not sure if I'm getting worse or if what I'm feeling is part of healing.  I thought that if I could manage the mania, then my life would be full of bliss.  It turns out that sometimes I miss the mania because I had accomplished so much during my episodes.  Maybe I'm just expecting too much, in general.

I don't think society recognizes how difficult it is to heal.  We live in a world where the squeaky wheel gets the oil.  In my experience; once people see that you are making a little progress, you start to hear "it sounds like you have it together" and then you become wallpaper.  I'm so tired of hearing that "other people have it worse because"....  Seriously?  Honestly; how many people do we know that thrive on chaos by creating it, making a bad situation worse and make excuses for their actions/decisions?

I applaud anyone making genuine attempts to rid their lives of chaos.  It's a full time job.

I hope that we can all hang in there and find a way to be kind to ourselves.  Bravo healers!

General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: January 01, 2015, 02:57:42 pm »
Ahhh, the difficult holidays.....

The pressures of pretending to be on top of my game.  I actually celebrated these past few weeks but not in the way expected of others.  I made no commitments, promises or life altering decisions to anyone but myself.  It has been hard but I'm sticking to my promises to myself.

I am dedicated to being kind to myself and only hope that this will extend to my loved ones, as I wish that they will be kind to themselves.  Some people are not happy with me right now but I feel that it is only because they aren't getting what "they want" from me.  It's draining...  but rewarding.  At the end of the day, it's my own face that I have to look at in the mirror.

Lucky; if you don't mind me saying so...  I also don't feel that this is a time for life altering changes.  I hope that you can focus on being kind to yourself and not trying to do what you think others expect of you.  I truly hope that you can embrace genuine kindness and be at peace with the part of you that's feeling like something is brewing and ready to blow up.  I know exactly what you mean.  It's all I had known...the payback for feeling a smidge of happiness.  Please don't punish "yourself".  Please be your own friend.

Huge hugs.

General Discussion / Re: Happy New Year Everyone!
« on: January 01, 2015, 02:31:05 pm »
Happy New Year Friends!

I wish you all health and happiness during your healing journey.

May you all be loved, as you love.

General Discussion / Re: Latuda starting tomorrow
« on: November 05, 2014, 07:18:56 am »
Hi all.  Yes, I agree with Rich.  Jenny, this sounds like a lot of stress.  Please take good care of yourself!  Good performance and grades can't be your only pay off for all of the stress you're under.  Listen to your body and be kind to yourself.

I'm so happy to hear that you are having success with the meds.  Being able to focus is like getting your life back.

I'm excited for you!

General Discussion / Re: winter blues
« on: November 04, 2014, 05:25:40 pm »
Hi all.  Count me in too.  I'm seeing a new doctor on Thursday and hoping this one will "listen".  Every year gets worse and this time of year was never good.  I'm exhausted!  I think if I had to move, I'd consider burning  Okay, I would never actually do it but I would think about it and smile.

I wish I could help you LuckyLou.  I am more motivated when I'm helping others.  I've moved so many times that I'm a self proclaimed pro.

I'm also very cranky these days.  I know that life has it's annoyances but I'm really only stressing myself out.  I usually have a lot of patience but during these dark months, I get so fed up with people trying to change me and not listening.  Do people really think that we want to stay in bed for the rest of our lives? frustrating...  I don't feel like smiling and thanking them for their concern when I really want to say "you do not understand; please be quiet and go very, very far away!!"  Ah, it felt good to say that.

I joined a mood disorder group but it's every 2 weeks.  I love it and wish it was every week.  I know how hard it is to leave the house but it's been such a positive addition to my life, I thought that maybe it's something people here could look forward to as well.  Other than the group support, I am at a loss for answers to finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

Cyber hugs....

General Discussion / Re: Check In
« on: October 25, 2014, 06:09:54 pm »
Hi there Peace,

I'm new to the site.  Wow, you have A LOT going on.  You must be exhausted.  It sounds like you're managing quite well considering the weight on your shoulders.  I hope you are also doing things to take care of yourself.  I'm very sorry for your loss.  The family feuding is common once a loved one passes but that's not to say that it's easy to ride the waves.  I hope you can hang on.

Let me know how your walk turns out.  I don't particularly find walking relaxing.  I don't feel safe and although the exercise is good, I find that I'm holding my breath all the time.  Isn't it funny how the things that came so easily before, become a major brain-drain?

For myself, I'm battling the side effects of meds and today has been extremely difficult.  I'm going to have to speak with my doctor because I can't live this way.  Is anyone having side effects from Seroquel XR?  My doctor wants me at the 150mg/day dosage and I can't seem to take more that 25mg/day without feeling ill.  I have given it a good try and have been up to 100mg/day for the past month.  However, I've also spent the past month in bed.  I'm certain this medication is NOT for me.  Does anyone know of this problem and if there is medication that doesn't mess with your blood pressure?

I also hope to hear from everyone.  This post is a great idea!

General Discussion / Re: why are the facilitators not getting paid ?
« on: October 20, 2014, 07:41:42 am »
Good morning,

Thank you for the added info!  I looked into the WRAP Facilitator Training and unfortunately the first pre-requisite is the completion of the first WRAP course.  Although I don't have this certificate, it is exciting to know that it's available and that there really are attempts being made to help those of us suffering.

Have a super day all!

General Discussion / Re: why are the facilitators not getting paid ?
« on: October 19, 2014, 09:02:35 am »
Thank you paulm.

You make excellent points.  Proof of our need for people like you; you have provided contact information for agencies that I've never heard of.  And I've been receiving counselling (from workers/agencies paid full time) and questioning them as to what I can do besides swallowing meds.

You made my day!  I'm going to check out the information in the links that you provided.

Thank you!


I started taking cholesterol medication at age 28.  I was not over weight and had watched my diet.  I was switched to Lipitor years ago as it not only lowers the bad cholesterol, but it raises the good.

Keep an eye on your muscle aches and let the doctor know if you're concerned about it.  These meds are hard on the liver too.  Milk Thistle is an inexpensive and (in my opinion) an excellent way to clean the liver without harsh detoxing.

Take good care.

General Discussion / Re: why are the facilitators not getting paid ?
« on: October 18, 2014, 08:16:54 am »
Good morning paul.

I hear you!  I just watched a program about the large sums of money going into building and renovating jails.  I was also present during a seminar (at a Women's Shelter) in which the speaker advised the audience of the dire need for assistance in the mental health sector.  The speaker stressed that for people with Bipolar and PTSD, the lack of support is life threatening and effects "everyone."  She encouraged people to further their education, focusing in these areas.

Unfortunately, I do not hear that the government is willing to provide the necessary funding required.  Right now, most of our support comes from the genuine kindness and concern of people that donate their time.  I too am extremely frustrated with this as not just for myself, but I have young family members that are struggling and I'm afraid of what their future looks like.  We do not live in times when we can live on love so these wonderful people need to get paid.

From my research, it would take me 5 years to achieve the education required to support myself financially and assist people with Bipolar and PTSD.  I wish I could do more but I can't find an opportunity that pays my bills and allows me to assist full time.


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