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Topics - Stenacron man

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General Discussion / OCD video
« on: November 11, 2017, 01:38:14 pm »

General Discussion / For OCD and OCPD people / Lithium Brain damage
« on: June 09, 2017, 08:29:59 pm »
For OCD and OCPD people / Lithium Brain damage

I was lithium intoxicated for 212 days last year and am still copping with the repercussions and the rebuilding of my body. I am physically and mentally doing well. In spring 2016 I had a brain MRI done and I never heard much about it from my Neurologist other than everything is normal within reason. To make a long story short I now have white-matter disorder that was reported in that MRI. That is when damage the white matter in the brain is cause by something generally a traumatic brain injury or medically caused by medications like “Lithium”.

Most antipsychotics and antidepressants work in the gray matter areas of the brain. Lithium only works in the white matter of the brain and is “CUMULATIVE” which can and will likely led to (SILENT) “(Syndrome of Irreversible Lithium-Effectuated Neurotoxicity)”. I will also add a link to that paper.

Back to OCD and OCPD. Damage to white matter greatly modifies and enhances OCD effects. If you have severe OCD and or OCPD you should print this document and talk to your GP about an MRI just to make sure your white matter is not damaged.

Yes I will be having another comparison MRI soon.   

OCD link

Lithium link.

Buddy Mack. 

What do you get when you mix sorrow and excellence ?

In this particular performance the lyrics are dark. It about feeling like a creep and a weirdo and not belonging anywhere. Have you ever thought that I know I have. Anyway the song Creep by Radiohead is unique but this is the crowning achievement of this song. This one of the most moving preferences by any artist. Listen to Howe Mondale's comments. The whole place is dead silent before erupting into a standing O. This is breath taking if this doesn't turn you upside down nothing will.

Buddy Mack.

General Discussion / here is one that will make you feel good
« on: March 17, 2017, 01:39:40 am »
There is nothing greater than being mentally ill and being able to step into your moment to shine.

Buddy Mack

Depression and Bipolar / Bipolar and the outrageous mania
« on: March 06, 2017, 11:56:33 am »
Bipolar and the outrageous mania

As we know some of the most important people in history are in fact bipolar. Jim Carry is one of them. You have got to watch this video interview. This is the funniest I have ever seen him and defiantly in a mania stage.

This will brighten up your day.

Buddy Mack.

Tourette syndrome & OCD what would you do ? watch this video

Tourette syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder characterised by repetitive, stereotyped, involuntary movements and vocalizations called tics. The disorder is named for Dr. Georges Gilles de la Tourette, the pioneering French neurologist who in 1885 first described the condition in an 86-year-old French noblewoman.

OCD Obsessive compulsive disorder

Carlos Guevara's Struggles with both conditions. In 2013 he put it aside and auditioned for the X Factor. Carlos has an amazing voice as he sings this ballad by John Mayor called gravity. This will make you feel great inside but will show you, you can do anything if you try.

Buddy Mack.

Famous People with Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depressive Disorder)

The lineage of people that are the greatest contributors to mankind are in fact mentally ill. The CDC claims there are just over 2 million bipolar people in the USA today. There are 384 million in the USA in 2008. Bipolar’s are very rare and we think and feel much different that the common man. There are many missing from this list as we are still undecided how to diagnoses someone that has been dead for centuries.  Michelangelo, suffered severe mood instability, and many scalars have defining proof  that he was Autistic, and without a doubt lead poisoning from his paints that’s why he had green teeth. Janis Joplin is also missing from this list. If You are bipolar remember my words I wrote in 2007.

             “Bipolar is not a curse, it is a difficult to manage gift”.
I wanted to share here about another newly famous bipolar with one of the most beautiful voices to ever grace the stage. Her name I SIA and she is just incredible. So watch and enjoy this outstanding live performance. The wig she wears to hide her face is to represent bipolar being black and white.   

•  Abraham Lincoln (leader)
•  Adam Ant (musician)
•  Agatha Christie (writer)
•  Axl Rose (musician)
•  Buzz Aldrin (other)
•  Drew Carey (actor)
•  Carrie Fisher (actor)
•  Edgar Poe (writer)
•  Gordon Sumner (Sting) (musician)
•  Hans Christian Andersen (writer)
•  Heinz Prechter (entrepreneurs)
•  Isaac Newton (other)
•  Jane Pauley (other)
•  Jean-Claude Van Damme (actor)
•  Jim Carey (actor)
•  Jimi Hendrix (musician)
•  John Dally (sporting stars)
•  Jonathan Hay (sporting stars)
•  Kay Redfield Jamison (other, writer)
•  Kurt Cobain (musician)
•  Larry Flynt (entrepreneurs)
•  Liz Taylor (actor)
•  Ludwig Boltzmann (other)
•  Ludwig Van Beethoven (musician)
•  Marilyn Monroe (actor)
•  Mark Twain (writer)
•  Maurice Benard (actor)
•  Mel Gibson (actor)
•  Michael Slater (sporting stars)
•  Napoleon Bonaparte (leader)
•  Ozzy Osbourne (musician)
•  Patricia Cornwell (writer)
•  Patrick Joseph Kennedy (leader)
•  Patty Duke (actor)
•  Plato (other)
•  Ralph Waldo Emerson (writer)
•  Rene Rivkin (entrepreneurs)
•  Robert Downey (actor)
•  Robin Williams (actor)
•  Sinead O'Connor (musician)
•  Sophie Anderton (other)
•  Stephen Fry (actor)
•  Ted Turner (entrepreneurs)
•  Tim Burton (writer, other)
•  Tom Waits (musician, actor)
•  Thomas Stearns Elliot (writer)
•  Vincent Van Gogh (other)
•  Virginia Woolf (writer)
•  Winston Churchill (leader)
•  Wolfgang Armadeus Mozart (musician)

Buddy Mack

General Discussion / The Great American Dream that makes me so happy
« on: February 25, 2017, 05:37:26 pm »
The Great American Dream that makes me so happy

I wanted to share the greatest story of success and over coming mental health issues. In 2012 Chris Rene was worth $ 17 dollars and had a young son. Growing up it started with weed, then beer, then meth, and finally heroin, In 2012 he put himself out there after just getting out of rehab by 2 months on the X Factor 2012.

The moment he walked on stage I felt this amazing energy from him and he had not said one word yet. He did his original which takes huge guts called “Young Homie”. It was an amazing performance that moved me forever. The words are incredible and poignant and so true. I am so proud of Chris and this recording of the song he did 7 months after the X Factor.

Even if you are not into this style music his lovely voice and lyrics will make you feel so good inside. I listen to the video many times a day and always before sleep it erases all my stress.

The best part is Chris is no worth 2.7 million and is makes over 900 thousand per years.

Buddy Mack.

General Discussion / I need suggestions to an old problem
« on: January 31, 2017, 02:59:30 pm »
I need suggestions to an old problem

No matter how hard I try I just can’t do it. I backslide every time. Every time I get better I become complacent with my feeling solid, and positive from just rebuilding my mind or body from a crisis. I want to always walk, eat right, exercise. Once I feel good I stop doing the things that I know I need to keep doing.

Examples; it has now been 3 days since I brushed my teeth, I haven’t done my daily exercising in 4 days, I don’t know when I last had a shower, and the list goes one. You would think that after just about dying from suicide 2 times and damn near dying from lithium poisoning 3 time all in one year, that I might want to stay complacent with the things that just rebuild me and made me continue living.

I am horrible with structure I can create it but can’t follow it no matter what I have tried. They only time I will do everything is when my (OCPD) monster is satisfied. Example if I put everything I need to do together in one area and in the order they need to be used I do tend to use them daily. If I can't help but see them I will do them.

But because I live with others like my 80 year old mother who continually rearranges things and moves some of my stuff to another location because she now wants all this over there makes this hard . For the record I do not have a true bedroom. I sleep on foam from an old couch on the floor behind a large cabinet in the living room. 3 living in a 2 bedroom apartment. I love me little space but it is very tough to keep clean it's like 5 feet X 20 feet long.

I am going to try to make a list of things I have to do everyday + things that also need to get done and check them off as I go to see if it works.

If anybody has suggestions I am very open to any ideas.

Buddy Mack.

                   Subject; Lithium induced (NDI) (Nephrogenic Diabetes Insipidus)

I am writing this from firsthand experience, and on behalf of a member here named “dragonfly” who does have this condition. I am still at this point undecided as to whether or not I am writing a book entitled;  “My Lithium Journey”. If so I likely won’t start it for some time as I have one book on the go that’s a happy book about my childhood growing up fly fishing.

Before we start this topic; Most Antipsychotics and mood stabilizing medications come with a warning that they can (cause or worse) Diabetes. I have not yet seen this warning in RRSI’s / Antidepressants.

Also Lithium is a class (B) controlled substance that by law requires side effect intervention, and blood level monitoring. If your psychiatrist is not intervening side effect wise he or she is criminally liable under assault and battery in Ontario.

This year I almost died 3 times from Lithium induced (NDI) (Nephrogenic Diabetes Insipidus) and that is not the typical type II diabetes that you get tested for. In the type II diabetes complex there are reported to be more than 40 strains most medically induced. I cannot speak to all the drugs but I can for the case of Lithium (NDI). I will also make a list of other medications I have taken that can do this as well.

Genetics; Whether diabetes is in your family line or not, if you get diabetes (insipidus) it is from taking lithium. In your DNA genetic makeup some of us have a predisposition weakness that allows this to happen. Since going to a geneticist is usually not an option till it is too late, I will post all the symptoms I had while developing this condition. I was able to stop it just in time with allot of heavy duty research.

Scientific published literature indicates in many crossover studies that 15-20% of Lithium users will develop (NDI). Some of these studies indicated less than 2000 bipolar participants. That means that up to 400 people in a study were capable of developing (NDI) and more than 200 would for sure. The longer you use lithium the more like it becomes a reality, and a high dose over 900 mg exacerbates the problem and can quickly give it to you.

Once you have become Lithium (NDI) it can be reversed if it is caught in time. Getting a regular bi-monthly diabetes blood test through your GP is highly advised as well as your regular 12 hour lithium level testing. Common Diabetes tests will not indicate (NDI) cause that is a special test and it is a set of tests. Just keep an eye on your numbers. Lifelabs now allows you to see your tests results online and often before your doctors see them. If your numbers are constantly changing for the worse and you are taking Lithium you should very much consider getting off of it ASAP.
In some cases like mine my body was acting (Pseudo-diabetic) without actually being diabetic. It was horrible but it was the best thing that ever happened because it clearly pointed all my doctors in the right direction after my extensive research to prove this. I had been researching this and writing my psychiatrist to get me off it ASAP, and he finally agreed before I became (NDI). What happened to me is my stomach acid levels slowly increased while I got sicker so we were unable to indicate it was my stomach that was causing a daily diabetic blood sugar crash.

High levels of acid stopped me from being able to eat properly from end of July till mid-November. I was severely protein and nutritionally deficient. I was averaging 40-60 grams of protein a day the whole time. Recommended grams for a sedimentary male like me is 136 per day. I would shake and tremble all day long by 3 o’clock in the afternoon till bed time I would be convulsively shaking from my lower hips so bad I have two small hernias one on each side that are too small to fix from the convulsive shaking.

My throat was raw burning and I couldn’t swallow after 3 pm. I had to crush all my meds from mid-July till the last dose of Lithium ending in October because stuff got stuck and I would throw it back up. I also had 4 infections in the same month at the same basic time frame. I was also looking like I might have been getting Lupus, so until I got to my Rheumatologist I could rule it out.

Rheumatologist comments; The reason I had 4 infections at the same time was lithium had compromised the biochemistry of my autoimmune system making me very vulnerable or susceptible to infections and diabetes. Even after being off lithium for a month I got 2 more infections at the same time in October. Dr Hart my Rheumatologist said without a doubt I would have become Lithium induced Diabetes Insipidus and soon.

                                               First early warning sign is called;

Decreased urinary concentration; meaning less urine in the bladder than normal in the morning. Plus more frequent urge to go with little urine present all day long.
Symptoms of potential (NDI);

•   Chronic unexplainable thirst
•   Urgency to frequently urinate
•   Little coming out of bladder low pressure
•   Susceptible to infections
•   Chronic dry eyes
•   Chronic dry mouth daily
•   High blood pressure over 140/97
•   Unable to get or maintain an erection
•   Swelling in the limbs mine was my ankles
•   Pain in the arches of your feet feels like the skin is cracking.
•   Toes and parts of feet feeling tingling like Styrofoam
•   Severe difficulties breathing
•   Convulsive trembling and shaking like seizures
•   Chronic hunger pains
•   Hunger pains right after eating [that is caused by your stomach acids levels increasing]
•   Daily chest tension anxiety
•   Daily panic attacks.
•   Difficulty self-regulating body temperature
•   Rings and lines in your fingers and toe nail from protein deficiencies
•   Difficult walking
•   Difficulty talking
•   Difficulty swallowing pills and food
•   Hypersensitive hearing and eyesight to bright lights
•   Periodic vertigo and balance issues
•   Very blurred vision
•   Periods of extreme lethargy

Medications that can cause or worsen diabetes;

(Clozapine)(Olanzapine)(Quetiapine)(Risperidone)(Aripiprazole) (Ziprasidone)(Lithium)(Divalproex)(Valproic acid)(Chlorpromazine)  there probably many more.
If you have concerns about any medication and the potential to cause diabetes. Simply open Google type in your medication name / diabetes. Example; lithium/diabetes and information will come up if there is a problem. If you are more like me and want hardcore scientific data you must search things this way. All Government agencies like the FDA, CDC, and most Hospital archives, and all science laboratories by law produce all documents on PDF files by Adobe Acrobat PDF Creator. So to search for medical science data you must first install PDF reader.

Then in a Google search type in, PDF file lithium / diabetes and all relevant documents will come up on the subject. Do not use site like Web-meds the information is not always correct. You can also use the Mayo clinic they have a very large medical database with free open access. Here are some links to Lithium (NDI) one is a website article, the other 3 are PDF science publication files.

PDF files;

I don't know why the first two links come out the same. The last one I didn't read before. in the opening paragraph it states 30-40% of lithium user will be (NDI).

All the best to all of you. Being bipolar is hard enough you don’t need diabetes to add to it ask Dragonfly.

Buddy Mack.   

« on: January 28, 2017, 12:37:01 am »
I would just like to say I am proud to be at a site that has an area for everybody. And I truly admire people of this community LGBTQ that not only have to fight and stand up for who and why they are the way ther are, but to also fight mental illness. My hat is off high to all of you.

Buddy mack.

Exploring (OCD) & (OCPD) and just what they really are.

Amendment; I have decided to amend my post here to put some information right up front. This is a detailed and long post. True (OCD) is an Anxiety driven disorder that creates more anxiety as cause and effect. Management of (OCD) starts with proper management of anxiety itself.  If you have been diagnosed as a person of (OCD) you should have also been, and more importantly have been diagnosed with a true anxiety disorder. (OCD) is manifested from anxiety directly creating a vicious cycle of trying to get rid of the anxiety. (OCD) is truly unlimited in its behaviours you can have (OCD) actions about anything in life. Also the condition we refer to as Racing-mind is found in (ADHD) and Bipolar Disorder. Although anything is possible with the human brain generally it is not part of the (OCD) spectrum. 

Sometime in the early 1990’s the term (OCD) became a hot topic. Actually it became an “epidemic”. I have read a paper commenting on Sigmund Freud in 1910 writing about a group of patients that were (OCPD). So you can see how far back this goes.

So let’s take a closer look at (OCD) & (OCPD). You first might wonder why there are two acronyms for (OCD). There are two different classifications of (OCD).
Class 1; (OCD) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Class 2; (OCPD) Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

And for the record I have both disorders which is very complex. I will use them to describe my (OCD) and my (OCPD).

(OCD) is just a straight obsession about certain things the other one is a true and progressive Personality disorder that can destroy your life. Both in their own rights are difficult to manage and can severely impact a person’s ability to function on a normal scale. The one difference from my side of the fence is (OCPD) does not create high anxiety in me. My (OCD) on the other hand highly stimulates my (ADHD) racing-mind, causing hyperactivity and high anxiety, without panic attacks.

When (OCD) was first popularized in the 1990’s it was about over cleanliness and people that were germ-phobic. Then everybody that had good cleaning and hygiene habits thought they were (OCD) and it took off from there to become a super epidemic and a chronic believe that for most people wasn’t true.

Regarding true (OCD) there are unlimited types because there are unlimited personalities or (People). But they, the APA American Psychiatric Association have managed over the last 60 years to be able to group the behaviors involved into classifications and separate disorders, and they are all classified in the (DSM)-IV as anxiety disorders.

Typically true (OCD) people are very “clear-headed” and aware that they are obsessing about things but just can’t stop doing what they are doing. The compulsion makes them desirous to continue to obsessing about what they are doing and they continue in a vicious cycle. In true (OCD) there is a ends to a means, or and expected final product that must be achieved. Let’s break it down.

Obsessive; Someone who constantly think about something over and over and can’t stop doing something. A chronic need for something to be achieved.

Compulsive; governed by an obsessive need to conform to a set of standards often established by their own believes.

Disorder; lack of order or regular arrangement; misfiring of neurotransmitters in serotonin levels causing acute elevations in serotonin levels, or high anxiety.

Inside the (OCD) spectrum there are many different types or disorders on their own merit that are all (OCD). Examples; Body Dysmorphic Disorder, perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance, Hoarding Disorder, Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder), Excoriation (Skin-Picking) Disorder, and then there are medically induced (OCD’s) caused by a specific medication and or medical conditions.

The only place where “patterns” fits into the (OCD) condition is doing the same thing over and over again. There are many conditions under the umbrella of (OCD). But the results are still an order of operations to achieve relieve from anxiety caused by the (obsessive-compulsive) components of the disorder.

There are 3 levels of these conditions, mild, moderate, and severe. There are 3 basic specifiers that relate to cognitiveness; with good or fair insight, with poor insight, with absent insight / delusional beliefs.
Because (OCD) is a personal and personality “driven” the conditions range is astonishing and truly unlimited.
Now we move to my (OCD) and it is called compartmentalized (OCD) and it is target specific. What will happen is I will be sitting around one day and bang I find a problem that needs an answer or a solution. Example; Quantum Physics and the missing information never seen by the great ones. While in this mode I sit in hypomania because I am Bipolar. I immediately with “super-focus” hone in on the target which is the final answer. I will read, study, research everything ever written on the subject till I become a master at it and write my own hypothesis and complete thesis and often inside 6 month. Sometimes reading over 2000 pages of scientific literature. And I end up creating a final product that solves that specific enigma.  So far this all sound great right !! but it’s not, and here is why.

While I am in “super-zoom” mode I become completely obsessed and compulsive with my target like a Piranha to a bleeding animal in the water, I attack. I do it at the exclusion that everything else around me does not exist. My whole world falls apart while in this mode, and I bottom out with a manic or super major depressive cycle when the problem is solved.

I have built, designed, invented, and created many incredible things doing this but at a major cost to my life. Just how far into the feature can I create here are some examples. Sometime around 1973 I was about 6 years old when this happened. My mom, brother, sister and I were at a Tim Hortons one of the first ones. I theorized in 1973 and said to my mom and family. What we need are “DRIVE THROUGH” Tim Hortons that way you never need to get out of your car. You place your order pick it up, and go on your way.

Now let’s look at my (OCPD) in detail because mine is textbook in its content. I call it Systematical (OCPD) because it is bound together by systematical thinking of operation and order of specific operations. Everything in my life and my believes are rigid and fixed in rules of order taught in grade school. Examples are; Left to right, 1-10, top to bottom, A-Z, (2+2 always = 4), and so on. These rules are not just an expectation they are my standards at all expenses.

           "This inflexibility does not function well in a world where we make life up as we go along”.

I am also severally bound by accuracy. I have always said; “ Precisions and Accuracy are not an accident they are an Achievement”. My work has lead me to work in super accuracy. I use to own a fixed Machinist Square By Starrett. It was calibrated and guaranteed to be ¼ second for accuracy. What that means is it was ground to a ¼ of 1/12th of a degree from perfect 90*. I am a super perfectionist with anything I do and am very firm under all standards established in mathematics, science, and physics.

Now let’s look at a photo that depicts (OCD) when I look at this photo I do see (OCD) features. Based on just this photo I would have diagnosed this as; Patient displays mild criteria 300.3 page 422 DSM-IV (OCD) criteria 1,2,3,4, with specifier; poor insight. Patient needs moderate organization. If this person was heavy impaired by (OCD) the order would be different the colors would be light to dark, not dark then light then back to  dark. (OCD) is generally about organization as a final outcome, it’s not miss-organization.

If this patient suffered (OCPD) everything here would be very different. Example; (OCPD) people are very aware of all types of order and are bound to them. A person like me would know that [white and black] are not colors and belong at either end of the color spectrum. I would be forced to start with white on the left then the yellows gradually moving to the final outcome being black on the right. As well all the pencil crayon ends would line up with the edge of the table.

Also we should cover the anxiety part. When I wake up for the first 15 minutes I am free from anxiety. After that if not medicated my mind goes into hyper-drive and things get out of control. For me I believe in what I call a “preempted strike”. I take all my morning meds within 5 minutes of become awake and aware. In those meds is Diazepam 5 mg I take that med to combat anxiety before it starts. I also take it in the afternoon. (OCD) is an anxiety driven disorder and it exacerbates current ongoing anxiety. If you modify the anxiety before you are in trouble then true (OCD) can be managed.     

I hope this post helps you or enlightens you into the complex world of (OCD) & (OCPD) and just how destructive it real is. It can be very time consuming to the point of total exclusion as in my case. If you have one of these conditions and would like details about it I would be happy to try to help you out. I am obviously highly cognitive of my conditions otherwise I would have not been able to write this post. 

Buddy Mack.             

What is a DSM textbook and why are you not supposed to see it or know about it ?

Because it can influence your mind and thoughts about yourself and who you really are.

First the book was created by the (APA) American Psychiatric Association and we are now up to version 5 published in 2013.  This is the book that psychologist and psychiatrist use to diagnose mental illnesses. It is a very large book of 1000 pages that spans all type of illnesses of the mind.

Being able to read, use, and not allow the text to influence your view of yourself is very hard to do. I am a scientific researcher so when I read the book I don't read it to diagnose myself or others, i use it to clarify myself and conditions that are visible to me and need a better understanding.

I was first diagnosed as a rapid cycling type II bipolar in 1997. I was not willing to accept this diagnosis till 2004. In 2004 I had a great psychiatrist that was encouraging and very explanatory. He encouraged me to go to the library and read about it so I did.  In most books they kept referring to a book called the DSM.  I then read this book from cover to cover. Yes a book that nobody truly reads completely. The question you should now ask is WHY did i read the entire book ?

OK the reason I read the whole book was:::

                  " in order to understand who I am, I must first understand who I am Not".

Mental illness has a horrible stigma attached to it like we are all psycho, insane, crazy, or a psychopathy and yet nothing can be further from the truth. Mentally ill people are all very nice people that just need help and are searching for clarification that they will likely never get. So if you need some clarification I would be happy to try to explain your condition to you in more detail than you were given. I do not diagnose people I clarify and make suggestions for you to consider.   

The book title DSM stands for [ The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ] 

My ears and heart are open so fire away if you have a question.

BTW don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and do research to make sure the treatment you are getting is for the right condition you have.

Buddy mack. 


General Discussion / Do you need help understanding things
« on: January 25, 2017, 02:50:58 pm »
Hi I am new here and you can call me Buddy, or Buddy mack.

If you need help understanding things and your doctors description is to vague to get you going the right way with things, ask me I may be able to help.

I will not diagnose you only point you on the most likely path

I am a independent taxonomic researcher into the classification and ecosystems of aquatic insects.  And just finished a 5 years study of one genus resulting in two books unpublished on the subject.

I am very knowledgeable on mental illnesses and am capable of researching things for you and to be able to describe things to you in a very personal manner. Most times when we see our doctors there is little time for proper descriptions and proper diagnosis. Often times doctors reach for the closet diagnosis and go with it. That doesn't mean the diagnosis was correct. But in many cases the medication given will treat multiple disorders with similar moderate effects. I am all about advocating for myself and others. We need serious help and there is little funding available from governments for research and treatments.

I am finally properly diagnosed, meaning; 2 psychiatrists, my GP and myself all agree on the following and yes it took 20 years and my personal study and knowledge to finally come to this; 

Bipolar type II, ADHD, Compartmentalized (OCD), Systematical (OCPD) Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, anxiety disorder, and 20 years of chronic (MDD) Major Depressive Disorder. I have lived with chronic suicide since 1997. In 1997 I did officially commit suicide by drowning was revived and have been institutionalized 12 times since.

What this tells you is there is someone worse than you are that is understanding and may be able to help you out with some understanding. That's not saying you're not as bad off as I am but just different.

Buddy Mack.   

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