Hi everyone,
There hasn't been a lot of action. I genuinely care about the members here, and am interested in knowing how everyone is doing and how everyone did throughout Christmas.
I'm at a stage where I can leave my home with only a few people I'm comfortable with due to my anxiety. Unfortunately those people either don't live too close to me or have busy lifestyles. There's a lovely woman that lives 3 houses away from me that I'm not overly comfortable with (uncomfortable silences at times) that I'm going to call this morning to see if she wants to go for a short walk.
This will be difficult for me, but I'm going to force myself.
My oldest daughter has been out of the province for two weeks. She returns late on Thursday. She called us one day for drug plan information due to a private health issue. A few days later (3 am Sunday) we received a text from her friend saying she was quite ill and was being taken to hospital. Naturally, I lost it a little. I was able to speak to her on the phone later that day. She's currently feeling a little better, but in a weakened state. I can't wait for her to return home so we can care for her and know how she is. I feel so bad for her for spending so much money to go away, then for getting as sick as she did.
My childhood was quite dysfunctional, but I always remember despite it all that Christmas was special so I'd like to do the same for my family. My husband has been somewhat bah humbug the last few years. My father-in-law passed away in August of this year. My step-mother-in-law and step-family members currently will not talk to either my husband or I, so my husband is not only grieving the loss of his dad, but also the loss of his step-family. He has very little in the way of family. My husband, youngest daughter and I opened presents Christmas morning, but my husband was very lackadaisical during the opening of the presents. He would not eat Christmas dinner with my daughter and I.
It was my sister-in-laws turn to hold the family Christmas (siblings and their offspring) this year. She told my sister she would not be doing it (my brother passed over June 2013). I was next in line. My sister sent an email out to everyone saying she would hold it (she knew I didn't feel well enough to). My husband said if my sister held it he wouldn't go since it was our turn. Since I can't drive my daughter and I wouldn't have been able to attend, so I held the event. I sent an email out asking who would attend. My sister-in-law whose turn it was didn't respond and none of my nephews responded. After time, my sister phoned her son and told him to let me know, which he did and we had a nice conversation. I sent a follow-up email to my sister-in-law and remaining nephews saying my health is extremely poor and I'm unable to leave the home so I need to know who's attending so I can be prepared. No response. I finally got ahold of my nephews through Facebook. Both said they would be here with their girlfriends and one said he thought his mom was attending.
My sister-in-law never let me know if she would be here or not, and did not show up. I found it a little disrespectful considering it was her turn to hold the gathering. I'm trying to not think the way I do and keep in mind she's grieving my brother, but it's difficult. My nephews stayed 2.5 hours and the rest of my family stayed 4 hours. I was really disappointed because my husband, daughter and I put a lot of effort and expense into the day. I'm still trying to recover from the effort it took to host the gathering.
A big deal was made during the gathering about where I was sitting. I sat on the stairs because I need an escape and it was the only place available that could give me that. People meant well, but I ended up going into a long explaination about why I had to sit where I was sitting. Unfortunately, people couldn't accept that I was okay where I was. My husband tried to move a chair into hall for me to sit on, and it upset me because with my OCD I couldn't handle the chair in the hall, which I've tried to explain to my husband many times. I was exhausted from the preparations and from being made center of attention over where I was sitting, so I said "no, my OCD" and ran from the room in tears.
If you made it to the end of this, thank you so much for listening.
Looking forward to hearing how everyone else managed and how everyone is now.
