Support for People with Mood Disorders > Depression and Bipolar

Struggling with Medication



I'm a new member and noticed that hasn't been action in this section for 4 years. I hope this reaches someone!

Is anyone struggling with medication? I've been actively working through medication changes for 4 years and still haven't found the right mixture without it either not working at all or too many side effects (intolerable ones).

Right now, it's Latuda 2x per day, Buproprion 1x per day, Lithium 1x per day, Mertazipine 1x per day, and Clonazepam 1x per day. The one that seems to be causing all the trouble is the Mertazipine. I was taken off of it because it was causing serious negative anxiety but the fallout from that was horrible. For over a month I felt nauseous, completely uninterested in food, and couldn't sleep. I was recently put back on it and the initial few days were hell (this didn't happen the first time I was put on it). I felt completely intoxicated to the point where I couldn't work, drive, etc. Once I got past that it was fine and I had ONE good day, a day that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I was so pumped and sure that it was going to work out going forward. Unfortunately, it hasn't gone that way. The crippling anxiety is creeping back in and my mood is swinging all over the place throughout the day.

I'm losing hope in this medicinal journey of hell. Has anyone experienced this? If so, how did you cope? So far, I've been able to take on changing medications really well - I just hammer through it and hope for the best. Now, I'm losing that mentality. I have an appointment today with my psychiatrist and I'm guessing he is going to take me off the Mertazipine and start me on something else. I'm dreading it both ways: Stay on it and go down that crippling dark road or go off and start something else with all the mystery that comes with it.

This is pretty long-winded but I have no one to turn to for coping strategies with medication changes. I've been over 20+ changes in 4 years and handling it relatively ok (including all the side effects, etc.) But, this is getting bonkers and I don't know who to turn to.

I would appreciate any insight, please!

Many thanks,
Steph  :(

Hi Steph, I feel really bad for you and the struggles you are having with your medications.  I don't think I can be of much help, since I've never really had much problems with my meds (Lithium, Lamotrigine, and Seroquel for Bipolar II).  I mean, I still get "lithium fog", and Seroquel still knocks me out all night long, but I don't mind it so much.  The whole bipolar thing seems have caused me cognitive impairment of my memory.  But I like forgetting about my life (lithium fog), and I like feeling calm like a Vulcan (Seroquel).

Also, I used to be prescribed Clonzepam for anxiety, but one day my Psychiatrist cut me off cold turkey and told me to "do breathing exercises instead".  In less than a year, I was on medical marijuana - high CBD for anxiety, and 1:1 (THC : CBD) to forget about life for a while in the evenings.  (I still take my psych meds).  Maybe all Psychiatrists need to be supervised by Psychiatric Survivors!  Wouldn't that be nice?

I really hope that you find a cocktail that works for you!  I'm sorry that I can do anything more for you than to wish you well.


Hi Rich, thanks for your response. A LOT has happened since my initial post! It got to the point where my medication was physically ruining me and I'm still recovering from it. I am no longer medicated at all. It took over a month to get over withdrawal symptoms and looking back, I'd rather feel the way I do without the medication than with the medication. It was years of not only feeling horrible because of 'illness' but add on the misery of side effects. At least I have a clear mind (albeit, sometimes too clear) to work on this now. I'm not anti-medication at all but my experience was so shitty that I will have a hard time being convinced to try something new.

My anxiety is still really high and I feel physically nauseous more often than not - but - I need to find a better way to cope. I'm conscious of the fact that rumination is real and work really hard not to get stuck in that cycle. I'm grateful I can at least laugh again and actually feel funny and feel good things when they happen. I just need to figure out how to get a grip with the horrible feeling inside that brings me down. If I can do this, then it's under control and I can get on with my life without any medication. I guess that's the secret, right?


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