Author Topic: I could use some advice during this difficult time  (Read 3769 times)

Jackie

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I could use some advice during this difficult time
« on: January 28, 2016, 07:00:22 pm »
Hi  .   I am new here and desperate for suggestions ..  I have had anxiety most of my life and panic disorder for about 20 years .  I am on low dose of Clonazepam .  My sister was Bi-Polar and she suddenly passed on in 2003. she was my only sibling ,  both of my parents have later stage Alzheimer's  and I am POA over both .. they are in separate nursing homes now .. I was looking after them for many years, but it became too stressful ..  My dad has extreme behavioural problems and no government nursing home would take him .. I could only find one private care home to accept him and finally just had him moved to Veterans at Sunnybrook ,, which is a lot cheaper as the last home was costing a fortune !   I had to sell their home to pay for all their expenses .  I use to go over to their place and sleep if I was nervous .  Now I have no where to go if I am nervous .

  In May I had an attempted home invasion . I was heading in to take a bath and was in the upstairs bedroom . I heard someone knocking on the door and I never answer the door... but the knocking did not stop and got louder .. I just figured who ever it was would go away.              Then I heard a big noise and the house shook a bit ..  I knew right then that front door had been kicked in and I had not taken my anxiety pill for the morning yet and I had no phone  in the room I was in..the phone was downstairs ... and I knew i had only about 20 seconds or less to do something, as I could hear men's voices and I thought I was going to be killed ...I was shaking so badly and my heart was pounding so hard i thought I was going to have a heart attack ,, but I knew I had to do something quickly as they were coming into my home
 so  I have a deck on top of the garage and  i can access  it from my bedroom .. I got outside quickly and could see the two of them .. one was just about to enter my home..  So i stepped back so they could not see me and   I said in a really calm nice voice " Hello ,  sorry I was chatting on the phone , what is it that you wanted ? "   something to that effect to make sure they did not know that I knew they had kicked in my front door ...  One man said oh sh..  she is home and they went around the corner of my house but they left a big black bag on my porch ... 
so I knew they would be right back .. I ran downstairs and sat down and put my back up against the door and my feet against the wall to try and hold the door so that they would not come in... I was right they came back only a minute later and there is a window that floor to ceiling beside my front door ...   They could see me .. I saw them looking in the window and talking and I just kept thinking I was going to be killed ...  but they grabbed their bag and left .  I think they thought maybe I had time to call the police .. which I did not have time to even grab the phone ...   Anyway my husband is leaving on a trip to Europe in April and I am terrified of spending the nights in my home alone .  I have searched the internet to try and find if I could hire someone to come about 5 nights a week for a couple of weeks but have had no luck and they would have to be trust worthy .. I have no friends to take me in or check in on me and I have no family  ...    Can anyone offer any suggestions ?    I cant stay in a hotel as I would be afraid the door would be kicked in ..    I do not know how I am going to be able to stay alone in this house at night for a couple of weeks ... I will never sleep and I will be so anxious and I already had panic disorder before all of this .. I am shaking just thinking about being alone at night ...  Can some please talk to me about this .   

Peace

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Re: I could use some advice during this difficult time
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2016, 05:19:23 am »
Hi Jackie  :)

Welcome! There are wonderful people here.

When my family went away I had a bit of a meltdown. My friend phoned my sister, who phoned my psychiatrist, who gave me his cell phone number to call in case of emergency. The next time my family went away I told my psychiatrist and he said to have a support system in place. I put myself on the care list of the Pastoral Care Committee at my church. Each day one of the members came to my home to check on me. They brought me food, and one wonderful person called me each day, even though it wasn't her day. I had their numbers to phone if there were any problems at all. Very supportive women. I've done this 2 years in a row and it was so helpful to me. It's a thought, if you're affiliated with a church, or even if there's a church in the vicinity.

One thing I'd like to suggest is to not make it known to many that your husband will be away, and don't post it on any social media.

I don't blame you at all for being fearful, I would be too.

Good luck!!

Peace

Jackie

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Re: I could use some advice during this difficult time
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2016, 11:29:25 am »
Hi Peace

Thank you for responding ..   and thanks for sharing what you did and great to know that the Church was so supportive !   I am not religious and have never been to a church , but it was nice to know that the members can be so helpful and that there are people out there that care enough to help . 

     Good advice about not letting to many people know that my husband will be away ..    I have not told anyone on social media ..    and I do not use my real name on here .   I do not have any close friends  or I would have asked them to help me out .. No one knows about my situation other than anyone who read this post and the only reason I resorted to posting here is because I am desperate ( makes me sound pathetic and I feel pathetic )..

  I was wondering if anyone knew of of a trusted company that sends people out to look after senior's in their in home when their caregiver's are away ..   I always stayed with my parents overnight if they needed extra care .. so now that they are in nursing homes .. I have no idea who could come and stay at my home overnight .    I am not a senior   ,  and I am not a child ..       I am a woman  with severe anxiety , panic disorder , depression and now on top of all that PTSD   from the home invasion attempt.      Feeling so distraught over this ..  I wish I could be like a normal person  and not chronic anxiety and absolute terror of being left on my own , as I keep re living that home invasion attempt  .. it  is stuck in  my mind ..every sound outside scares me .. if someone knocks on the door my heart races .. I am afraid to go in the bathroom and run water in fear that someone will break down the front door again.. 

Thank you for wishing me luck !


paulm

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Re: I could use some advice during this difficult time
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2016, 03:53:54 pm »
Hello Jackie and welcome to the forum. I don't know of any company that specializes in short term adult companion ship. However there are several possibilities that may help. 1) is to get an alarm company that deals with real time security and who can give you a panic button that you wear as a pendant. You push the button and they respond as you have instructed them. (from have a neighbour come over to calling the police)  . They can also alarm your house so that any intruder automatically triggers both a response and a verbal message through a loud speaker that help is on it's way(thus hopefully scaring the intruders away).

  You can google security and alarm companies, I don't know which is the best. Alarm Force does have a good website that explains a lot of options, but I have no idea how good of company they are .  https://www.alarmforce.com/security-systems-home-and-business/    or you might try a companion care service like: http://www.tlcchomecare.com/    Once again I know nothing about that company, I just googled companion care. They offer up to 24/7 service, but I have no idea about their rates. You can google find other companies, by entering such things as companion care and where you live.

 You might also try dialing 211 and asking them what may be available. 211 is a free service and operates much like 411, except that it deals only in services. For example if you asked about peer support groups , the MDAO(providers of this forum) name and # would be given to you.  They can do the same for any type of service. I tried them on line and I got a list of about 9 places depending on where you live, but half of the battle is trying to decide what name to enter to get the best results (ie companion care, vs just companion) . The 211 operator should be able to help you.

 Please feel free to keep posting  Good luck and Take Care.  paul m

Jackie

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Re: I could use some advice during this difficult time
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2016, 09:11:15 pm »
Thanks Paulm 

I did have to get a brand new steel door and steel door frame , and I paid over $1200 for a iron cast screen door that has double locks ... so I am hoping the front door will be safe this time as it cost me over $2000 dollars to get new doors  .... but that will not stop them from coming in the back patio doors .. or windows 

I like the idea of an alarm company and am going to check into that ..   I do not know why I did not think of that but yes that is a great idea .   Thanks for all the advice  .. much appreciated !

Pleeb

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Re: I could use some advice during this difficult time
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2016, 11:58:14 pm »
Hi, Jackie....Sorry to hear about that.

Maybe you could hire a personal support worker or similar to stay with you?.....maybe not expensive.


take care....Peter