Thank you, Paul. Much appreciated!
OCD makes me overthink everything and research everything extensively. I've gained a lot of knowledge as a result, but I'm also completely exhausted. There are a number of what ifs right now. If I proceed with the formal separation, I'm then committed to living on my own by a certain date, and I'm not ready for that yet. I am working on getting ready.
A lawyer advised me to process the separation first then draft a will for a variety of reasons. I purchased a store bought will to use until the will could be drafted with a lawyer after the separation is finalized. I sat down to write the will and found the only things I can leave to my daughters at this time are my RSP money and what is in my bank account. Everything else is either in my husbands name (vehicles) or joint (joint bank account and home). I can not leave my portion of the joint bank account and my portion of my home to my daughters until the separation is finalized.
The one thing keeping me from proceeding with completing the will is the clause that I authorize my executor to pay all funeral and estate expenses from the proceeds of my estate. Currently if I proceed the bulk of my estate (vehicles, joint bank account, and home) go to my husband, but it's what I leave my children that would be reduced to have my name taken off the deed and line of credit secured against the home, as well as all other costs to settle my estate and to pay for my funeral.
I sincerely hope it does not come across that I am trying to deny my husband what he's entitled to. That is not my intent at all. What I'm trying to do is to ensure my children are taken care of and provided for. If everything is left to my husband there will be nothing left for them.
3 different houses owned in the 25 years we've been married. I was very happy in our previous home, but my husband did not like the lack of storage, so we moved into this house and added $100,000 to our mortgage. My husband then put at least $120,000 worth of changes into our current house (not including what he bought for the outside of the home and the furniture and toys he bought for the inside of the home) without consulting me about anything, then started to talk about wanting to move again into a brand new home because this house is not working for him. A huge amount of money spent within that time on vacations, sports cards, vehicles, restaurant meals out, etc. A brand new $25,000 trailer he put a $5,000 deck and $7,000 awning on then sold for one third of that 5 years after it was purchased. The purchase and sale of a timeshare unit in Florida.
Within the past 3 years: thousands of dollars spent on buying and selling sports cards. The purchase of a brand new motorcycle the year before last as well as boots, jacket, gloves, 3 helmuts, a side saddle bag, visors. That motorcycle is not working for him. He stated "the Harley riders do not wave to him". He wants a different motorcycle. Golf and sporting event vacations with a friend, as well as money spent on golf accessories. This year alone: 3 vacations (1 with the children), along with golfing several times close to where we live, many restaurant meals out, professional and amateur baseball, basketball, soccer games, and theater concerts. There are 7 television sets in my house. My youngest daughter and I do not watch T.V. at all, and my oldest daughter watches netflix on her laptop and movies rented from the library. The cost of our cable so he can watch his sports channels is astronomical. I asked him if I could renegotiate with our cable provider while ensuring he still has his sports channels to watch and he said no. He has a cell phone provided by his work, but wanted his own phone to play games on, so I gave up my cell phone.
I was the higher wage earner for numerous years and am reduced to living in poverty (the clothes I own, the ripped up slippers I wear, the mattress on my bed that is a danger to my health, the used chair taken out of the garbage I sit on at the desk my father gave me that can not be height adjusted resulting in body pain, the hutch I use in my bedroom left on the curb by a neighbour, my need for a haircut and new eyeglasses, the bike that is a danger to ride because the brakes don't work, the cardboard I use on my windows to keep the sun out) because we would be bankrupt otherwise.
I've made the sacrifices I've made so we could have some savings, so we could pay for our children's education, and so our children could have something in the way of an estate left to them. When we still had nothing in the way of savings after 24 years of marriage I opened a separate bank account, then was called a disgusting monster for doing so. I was yelled at the entire way home in the car because our marital counselor suggested we do a budget. When I have spent some money, such as a $10.99 gingerbread house kit to do with our daughters, I was told I spent too much money on it. You could say some of the purchases I had to sign for, and this is true, but I initially said no then gave in because I was nagged to death until I did.
In addition to other things, my husband is fighting me on wanting the dishes my father bought us as a wedding gift. I'm more than willing to give him every last item his friends and family gave us as gifts, I'm just having a hard time with the thought of him and the woman he wants to go out to dinner with (his words) eating off the dishes bought by my father.
I'm so sorry for the book. I basically needed to justify that I am not trying to take anything away from my husband, I'm trying to ensure that my wish to provide financially for my children is met, which is what I have been sacrificing to do all these years.
Thank you for listening.
Peace