Hi Lysta and Dragonfly!
What great posts! I am so glad you brought this up!
The guilt that i have been carrying too has been overwhelming at times. Until 2012 I was a single mom and have a beautiful daughter. She also says that I was a good mom and knows I did my best. In 2010 I had the worst breakdown I have ever had and lost her for the better part of a year as Children's aid got involved as I was hospitalized and couldn't look after her. Luckily my sister was able to look after her but it was the worst hell I ever went through. People said to me "well she will always be your daughter" but until she was back under my roof, and my responsibility again, it felt like she wasn't ... I just kept thinking.. Yeah .. you lose your child to children's aid and then see how it feels! It tore me up hearing her on the phone crying to me, asking me when this would all go back to the way it was... Eventually, I worked so hard getting better, going to counselling and meeting all of CA's requirements, and by the Grace of God met Rich and got her back again. She is now 18 and I am so grateful for her in my life. I also made sure that she had counselling as well, although I must admit that I think her counselor had her own prejudices against those with mental illnesses from some of the things my daughter would tell me... that made me angry but my daughter would just say ... its ok mom .. she just doesn't understand AND she doesn't know you...
After many long talks about my illness, she says that she really developed a level of compassion from having a mom with a mental illness, and I agree, she is so empathetic and has a beautiful heart. Her biggest complaint is that now that I am medicated, I am not the "fun mom" like I was when I was hypomanic. We used to just up and go on weekend trips.. go out to dinners, go shopping, move residences whenever it struck my fancy, of course she never realized I was living off of credit and went about 30,000 in the hole .... (luckily I was able to do a consumer proposal and got rid of the debt.) But that is what she has to live with now ... she also forgets the bad times when I would scream at her when my moods got the better of me. I think that's one thing about kids, they only tend to remember the good times (unless there are no good times) and tend to let go of the bad.
Lysta, I was so touched by what that man said to you! I hope you own his words because I am sure you deserve it! You sound like a great mom! And so do you Dragonfly! I think we can all pat ourselves on the back for doing our best with what we had to work with!
Thanks again for this post, I am sure it will and is helping a lot of the parents who read this!
- Soozan