Author Topic: I very often judge people by their physical outward appearance. Do you? (Read 28598 times)

Dragonfly · « **on:** February 12, 2015, 11:46:35 am »

Hi everyone,

I have a very bad habit of looking at the physical appearance of a man or woman and then thinking that because of their looks they have a certain personality. I don't always give them a chance to show their inner self. Do any of you do the same thing?

In my family I had 5 siblings. Two older sisters. My oldest sister was labelled (is that the right word) as intellectually smart with a nice figure. My second oldest sister was very pretty. According to my parents not too smart intellectually. To this day she says she is stupid about a lot of things. I was labelled as intellectually smart. Not as nice looking as my sisters. Very handy in the things that I did. You grow up with low self esteem about your looks. Don't get me wrong they were good parents. My parents thought my husband was the nicest looking in his family of 4 siblings.

My husband comes from a family of 4 siblings. They were pigeon holed. Everyone had their strengths. His parents didn't know what my husband was going to be. I guess they didn't see his strengths. Did they think he was weak? Maybe. This did a number on his self esteem. Again they were good parents.

I have a brother-in-law. Outwardly he is not a very nice looking man as most people also say. He is like a brother to me and we are constantly kidding each other which we enjoy.

Thank heavens we don't all like or dislike certain people.

I have to stop looking at just the outside cover of a person. Sometimes you look at a person that is not physically attractive to you (that is only your opinion - some people might think otherwise) and you are pleasantly surprised what a great personality they have. Sometimes nice looks and not such a great personality.

People that are thought to be attractive and know it really bother me. They are so full of themselves. I don't particularly like those personalities.

Am I making sense or am I just babbling. Just throwing out ideas. I hope I haven't described my family too much and I am full of myself. I know I shouldn't say that and people are going to give me heck for that.

A lot of us (maybe that is not true) look at the movie stars and idolize some of them. They like their good looks. We like to believe what the press says about them.

I am being very wordy again. Thanks if you read to the end of this.

Dragonfly

Soozan · « **Reply #1 on:** February 12, 2015, 01:18:32 pm »

Hi Dragonfly, it seems you were brought up a certain way and did not come by your habit yourself, you picked it up by your parents, albeit they were good parents in many respects they were probably just acting out how they were influenced by others on their own judgmental habits.... and it certainly is not a unique habit, as probably the majority of people are programmed by society to think that way as you say from television and the media, as well as I am guilty of being judgemental when I see certain people's appearance in different circumstances, which I know I shouldn't do.. as I am far from perfect

I am grateful that Rich was not that way and that he took the time to get to know what was inside of me since I am considered morbidly obese and that I gave him the time without judgment on his appearance to get to know him, as others might look at him and see a computer nerd by the way he dresses and he has to wear thick glasses, and as they look at me and see a fat person and assume I am lazy and don't care about myself, which may or may not be true, but is no reason to ignore me, and I am used to being ignored as if I wasn't in the room. Now that I know Rich on the inside I see the most beautiful man in the world and that is how it should be. As we all possess something beautiful inside us that we had since we were innocent babies. That inner beauty has never left us, it only got corrupted by the harshness of life and how life has been to us.

What a beautiful world this would be if we were all capable of seeing the beauty each one of us possesses just by what is in our true hearts and the fact that we all are God's Children, as we are loved by God, whatever form God takes in different people's views.

I for one am working on changing my views of others and even myself as I am my worst critic. Don't get me wrong, its probably the hardest thing to do in the world..... Even those who are seen as evil are beautiful people who are just very ill beyond what they can control. We as ones with Mental illnesses should be able to understand that more than those who have not had the experience of losing their minds.

I think there is a reason why the phrase "treat others as you yourself would like to be treated" is considered the Golden Rule.

I am not saying all of this to make anyone feel guilty, as this really (judging anything on some level) is something we were all taught to do.... its just my opinion as was asked for and I am giving it.

Dragonfly · « **Reply #2 on:** February 12, 2015, 02:44:10 pm »

Hi Soozan,

Thank you for your insight. You mentioned that you are morbidly obese. I am too. I wasn't when I was younger. See I am trying to justify the fact that I wasn't always that way. Am I wording that right. My husband never critized me for being overweight. I would say I am fat. From what he would say if I remember correctly maybe pleasantly plump. My husband said it didn't matter. He loved me very much and didn't I know how much I meant to him.

It really bothers me that I am overweight. Society makes us feel that way. The thing I am worried about is how it effects my health. My mother was overweight and she lived to be 92 yrs. old. She did have heart problems though. As you say Soozan I am probably my own worst critic.

I am so glad Soozan that you and Rich found each other. My daughters would probably say you are getting mushy Mom.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Dragonfly

Pleeb · « **Reply #3 on:** February 13, 2015, 02:32:22 am »

I wouldn't say that about Soozan -

Quote

morbidly obese

Anyway, judging people by their appearance - I'm sure everyone does that...maybe just subconscious.

Speaking of judging by appearance, I've seen this in many commercials - a guy showing another guy
a better or improved product, the guy being shown the product has less hair, or is a little overweight, therefore inferior

I've seen it many times in commercials. Infomercial for frying pan or whatever, they show the guy doing it the old/bad way - the guy is fat and bald....therefore inferior

Keep an eye out on tv....

The worst example of this is (not a commercial) George on Seinfeld he's:
-short
-bald
-dark
-glasses
-a round (not square jawed) face

What a loser!.......LOL I wonder how many actors they auditioned to find that?

Kramer on Seinfeld is quirky.....therefore, let's choose a quirky looking actor!

Newman on Seinfeld is quirky..." " " " " " -he's quirky, AND sneaky etc....so let's choose a pudgy, below average-faced actor with glasses!

(slightly odd voice also)

What, no bald actor?

Peter

Pleeb · « **Reply #4 on:** February 13, 2015, 02:34:29 am »

I meant "I disagree," Soozan.

Peter

LuckyLou · « **Reply #5 on:** February 13, 2015, 07:10:24 am »

I think. Everyone judges other people by their looks it's just human nature. I too am fat and feel judged all the time. I wasn't always like this I was beautiful once which makes this all that harder I used to turn heads but now I am invisible. It doesn't help having siblings who are skinny and attractive according to society's views. I need to work on my confidence and I am my worst critic too. My partner says he still loves me but I don't believe him. If we met now I don't think he'd give me a second look. And I swear. They make clothes smaller now! Anyway I know society. Doesn't cosider me beautiful anymore but I am working on recognizing my inner beauty

Soozan · « **Reply #6 on:** February 13, 2015, 12:10:35 pm »

Well thanks Peter and thanks Dragonfly...

The term "morbidly obese" is one used by the medical community .. not by friends or of course by Rich .. he just says I have a few extra lbs .... We are lucky to have those that love us and Lucky I think you are a beautiful person .. funny the more you get to know the person the more the outershell opinions just fall away and they become beautiful all over.... when you can just love them ...

What a wonderful world this would be if we could just love each other like that... I guess it just takes time to get to know someone.

- Soozan

Dragonfly · « **Reply #7 on:** February 13, 2015, 10:15:08 pm »

LuckyLou,

I have often wanted to ask you if that is a picture posted of you on this forum. Whomever that picture is from I have wanted to say what a handsome devil. I am not kidding. I am serious.

Dragonfly

Dragonfly · « **Reply #8 on:** February 13, 2015, 11:55:03 pm »

LuckyLou,

I said the person in the picture looked like a handsome devil. Don't take that wrong. That is only an expression. I think that person is very attractive and hansome!

paulm · « **Reply #9 on:** February 14, 2015, 01:09:34 am »

Hello Dragonfly. We all are a part of our upbringing and our own genetic patterns. In regards to judging people I can be harsh and unforgiving when I feel the situation warrants it. Doesn't make me right and I do try and change.

In regards to looks. I rarely judge people on them for three reasons, none of which I can take credit for. When I was very young my neighbour and friend was a young boy who had been badly stricken by polio which extremely handicapped him physically and left him with a withered arm and leg. So for me, different looking people were normal. He I remained friends for nearly 60 yrs until his passing.

Second reason was that I was an ugly duckling. After viewing my high school pictures, even my wife said she wouldn't have gone out on a date with me back then. I was 6 ft tall and about 120 lbs, awkward and clumsy as all heck. I couldn't get a date to save my soul. It was a bit of a shocker for me when I turned 19 (now 6`1" and 190 lbs of muscle) to be pursued by women. (I was a quick learner though LOL)

Third reason(s) is because my weight has gone up and down over the yrs from heavy to far too heavy and of course bipolar at times has left me either without any confidence or a totally unrealistic view and too much confidence.

I was fortunate that fates allowed me to see inner beauty as a young man. My wife certainly was not the most beautiful women in the looks dept, but I was able to look past that and marry the most beautiful woman in the world overall.

I'm currently well over weight and would like to lose more weight, but for reasons related to my physical health. Having said all of that I'm still known as person who can be too judgmental and/or too quick to judge a person based on their personalities.

Forming judgments on a persons personality without knowing all of the facts or getting to know them well is as bad as judging someone on their looks, some people have good reasons for being grumpy or unfriendly and I may catch them only at their worse .So I'm also guilty of making unfair judgments. I do try and change, but sometimes it is hard. Good thread Dragonfly, thx for stating it. Take Care. paul m

Soozan · « **Reply #10 on:** February 14, 2015, 08:38:56 pm »

Hi Dragonfly, the person in Lucky Lou's profile picture is Freddie Mercury from Queen, the Rock Group... he died in the 1990's it was a great loss to the music industry, he is one of my favorite singers!

Good Choice for an avatar Lucky!

- Soozan

LuckyLou · « **Reply #11 on:** February 15, 2015, 10:11:58 am »

Thanks sooan and dragonfly. Queen is my favourite all time band and that is Freddie Mercury who I had a massive crush on and we did indeed lose him much too soon.

Dragonfly · « **Reply #12 on:** February 15, 2015, 02:23:47 pm »

Hi LuckyLou & Soozan,

I am afraid I am not very knowledgeable about music. I do like to listen to music. Half the time I don't know the artist or band. I must admit I do know some.

Soozan · « **Reply #13 on:** February 15, 2015, 02:59:53 pm »

That's ok Dragonfly there is no reason to apologize or feel badly about that, I never got to know a lot of music or musicians myself, back when I was young and Queen was most popular, in my household any rock music was not tolerated by my dad, so I only learned about Queen and Freddie Mercury in my later years ... but I do know quite a few songs from the 60's and 70's that was considered "main stream" I too never got into following a lot of musicians or bands, I only knew what songs I liked and rarely did research into the bands or singers ... to each their own .... I am sure you have plenty of other interests ... that's what makes each of us interesting and unique! Plus we can learn a lot from each other!

- Soozan

Dragonfly · « **Reply #14 on:** February 15, 2015, 07:31:56 pm »

Hi Soozan,

Thank you! You are so kind! I often think it would be so nice to meet some of you on this forum!

Dragonfly

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