Author Topic: Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol  (Read 4914 times)

Dragonfly

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Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol
« on: October 14, 2014, 06:40:42 PM »
My son likes to drink alcohol. I believe he drinks a few beers most nights due to stress. On quite a few weekends now he drinks until he throws up or doesn't even remember what he did the next day.
I believe he probably suffers from bipolar like me. I would say he is trying to self-medicate himself. I have told him he could possibly be suffering from bipolar like me. He says he is not at all like me. He tells me that he will never be on the amount of pills that I am on. I think my son is scared. He has seen how I get when I am sick from being mentally ill.
What worries me is his children. They know how alcohol affects their Dad when he drinks. Should I tell the kids he can die from drinking too much? The kids already tell him that he will die if he keeps smoking. Will the kids follow by example and drink too much? My son, his wife and the wife's family all drink too much and often.
A worried Mother.

paulm

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Re: Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2014, 12:10:42 AM »
Hello Dragonfly. I already provided a few thoughts about this in a previous post about your Thanksgiving(I had not read this one yet). So I won't reprint it all, but just add a couple of more thoughts.

 He may or may not suffer from bipolar, or he may have just a mild case, or he may have depression or anxiety problems that cause him to drink too much. I use the word "may" a lot because I'm not in the position to judge. However I can understand your worries.

 In my other post, I provided some links to some articles and perhaps if you can get him to read some he may see something that he may recognize.  Our off spring certainly don't want to think that they are as bad as we were at our worse. On the other hand, you must have provided quite a few good moments otherwise he wouldn't be talking to you.

 I didn't mention it in my prior post, but you may want to advise him (gently) that he may not have anything wrong other than drinking too much. Alcohol does provide short term sedative or escape from our problems, but in the long term it can be a depressant as well. In fact long term heavy drinking almost always causes anxiety and/or depressive problems.

 It's an easy trap to fall into. Have a few beer, feel good, have a few more feel better. Later in the week feel anxious or depressed, have a few more beer, repeat multiple times and suddenly you need a few drinks just to feel not anxious or depressed. However most people do not realize this, especially if they are around other people who like to drink too.

 His kids telling him to stop smoking, hasn't made him quit smoking, his kids telling him that he shouldn't drink probably won't make him quite drinking.

 Will his kids follow his example and drink too much? You can hope not. Some do, but a lot of kids that I know who were raised by parents who were always passing out or making fools of themselves from drinking, don't drink much. They saw the bad effects.

 However as your grandchildren get older you may be wise to provide them with some brochures on mental illness and how to get help if they notice any of the symptoms.  Take Care. paul m

NeitherHereNorThere

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Re: Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2014, 11:29:41 AM »
Hi Dragonfly and paulm.  I have read your posts a couple of times and it keeps bringing me back to my childhood.

As an adult, I am really angry about losing my childhood and innocence.  My siblings and I had to take care of ourselves and our parents, while our parents spun our lives out of control.  We were never able to just be kids.  We had to keep the family secrets so we never felt good enough to hang around kind-loving people, just incase they asked about our home life.  We were constantly in a state of anxiety.

I don't know what the answer is here but is there a way that you can step away from the destructive cycle and have an innocent relationship with your grandkids?  I think when they grow older, they will greatly appreciate having someone in their lives that knows everything about them and still shows them that they will one day be able to make their own choices in life.  It is very embarrassing for the kids but they/we don't want to betray our parents.  We tend to gravitate towards like-minded peers and so the cycle continues.

Again, I don't know what the answer is but I do wish that I had someone in my life that allowed me to be an innocent kid.

I'm sending you good thoughts and hugs, and wish genuine love for you today.
If you can't handle it when I'm at my worst, then you don't deserve me when I'm at my best.

Dragonfly

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Re: Worried about my son and his drinking alcohol
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2014, 10:31:36 AM »
Thank you Paul and NeitherHereNorThere for your replies.

Maybe I am overreacting about my son having bipolar and self medicating himself with alcohol. He tends to be moody like I am.
My son does have a very stressful job. He is a labor foreman. He is stuck in the middle with supervisors above him and his crew that he has to manage. He confides in me about the problems he has at work. I listen and may advice him if he wants me to.
My two daughters and I will tell my grandchildren that a few beers is alright. If people start throwing up from too much to drink is not good for the body.
I have looked at the websites you sent me, Paul. They are very good.
 I do not want to upset my son about him possibly suffering from bipolar.
When the time is right and he wants to bring up the subject we will talk.
My son knows how I feel about drinking too much and getting drunk. He respects me for that view.