Author Topic: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness  (Read 4481 times)

JennyRN70

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romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« on: September 19, 2014, 03:11:58 PM »
Hi everyone - I am going through quite a bit right now - getting ready for a big med change and having to cancel our wedding due to stress - although my fiancÚ has indicated that he cannot continue with only him working - and it's highly unlikely I will be eligible for ODSP due to assets and his income.  I never see him because he is always working overtime - and not exaggerating - he leaves at 5 am - and I will be lucky if he is home by 9pm - it's usually midnight.  Just wondering who else has lost relationships because of their illness and the lack of partners being able to cope with the various issues.

Thanks
Jen

paulm

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2014, 01:25:44 AM »
Hello JennyRN70.  Through some miracle  my relationship has lasted, but it has been tough at times and I know that a mental illness is tough on a lot of relationships.

 I can appreciate just how much money problems causes problems, without all the other problems factored in.

 I don't have any really good advice, but have you tried applying for Canada Pension Disability(CPPD)? It is not income or asset related the way ODSP is. In fact you can be a millionaire and still qualify for CPPD.

 If you want to know more about CPPD, just ask. Take Care. paul m

 

JennyRN70

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2014, 11:59:45 AM »
that sounds good Paul - I think I will apply for that - I am waiting for EI sick benefits to see if I qualify for them :) xoxo

LuckyLou

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2014, 05:40:30 AM »
Having this illness is very difficult on relationships. I have been with my partner for 18 years and the last 8 years since my breakdown have been very difficult. There have been times when i did  not think we would make it but somehow we always get through the rough patches. He doesnt quite get my mental illness but he has accepted me fully with all my little quirks. I am a very lucky man. It takes work to make it work but its so worth it. I hope things work out for you. I would try Paul's suggestion.
Love is the reason!

JennyRN70

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2014, 05:46:12 PM »
Thanks for the input Lucky - it's been ok as we go right now - he is supportive of the changes - but I think he is really hoping to see some changes within the work arena - as in keeping a job for a length of time - so I am praying not only for us but for myself so that I can be functional and bring home a pay cheque even if it is a small one!!

LuckyLou

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2014, 05:51:18 AM »
Glad to hear he is being supportive. As far as a job goes sometimes our mental health has to come first.
Love is the reason!

NeitherHereNorThere

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2014, 11:47:32 AM »
Hi all.  I've always measured my mental health stability against how successful I am at work.  Unfortunately, I am getting worse and worse at securing employment.  Years ago, I gave up on romantic relationships because ... well ... I am just terrible at it.  If I take a high enough dosage (of the "right" medications), then I can't function properly at work.  As this is a failure to me, I am ashamed to start any new relationships.  What would I say when they ask "so, what do you do for a living?"  ...spinning my wheels....  I'm so glad to have found this site.

I am so happy to hear that it "is" possible to maintain a loving, romantic relationship while trying to manage Bipolar disorder.  It gives a girl some hope.
If you can't handle it when I'm at my worst, then you don't deserve me when I'm at my best.

paulm

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2014, 08:20:21 PM »
Hello NeitherHereNorThere and welcome to the forum. Please feel free to ask questions, answer other people's questions, use the forum to vent out a few frustrations and/or post an interesting article.

 In regards to romantic relationships, I know one couple who met in Penetang Mental Hospital while both were undergoing treatment. I spoke with them last mth and they are still together nearly 20 yrs later.

 There is also a couple that post on here. They met at one of our get-togethers in T.O. and I and some others who post on this forum were privileged to attend their wedding a few years ago.

 She's a real sweetheart, but I'll never know what she saw in him. LOL  I'm allowed to say that, every time he sees my wife he asks her" you know he's crazy don't you". LOL.  Actually they are a very nice couple. Take Care. paul m

NeitherHereNorThere

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2014, 08:00:03 AM »
Hi all.  paulm, thank you for the morning laugh.  Please express my congratulations to your married friends.  It is wonderful to hear that humour is part of the relationships.  I don't think people "get" my humour or at least, they don't think that I should joke about my "craziness".  Such a shame....  For me, I know that when I've lost my sense of humour--it's time to go--nothing more to say or do--exit-stage-left.

Have a super day all!
If you can't handle it when I'm at my worst, then you don't deserve me when I'm at my best.

paulm

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2014, 12:55:12 AM »
Hello NeitherHereNorThere.  Humour is important as long as nobody feels picked on. Well sometimes my wife gets  picked on a little.  The definition of normal is to be like those around you or to conform to standard. Some nights she is the only person in the room without a mental illness(other than she's a bit crazy to have stuck with me).

 That makes the rest of us normal and her abnormal, so we call her Abby on those nights for Abby Normal LOL

 The wedding that I referred to was a pretty good one, great even. The theme was taken from a very well known authors book.  The author happened to be Dr Seuss and the theme was Green Eggs and Ham, but the wedding and reception were great. That couple also has a great sense of humour, even though both of them have been through some hard times. Take Care. paul m

Dragonfly

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2014, 07:46:27 AM »
Hi everyone,

I had a very good and long marriage. Early on in the marriage I was diagnosed with bipolar II. I put my husband through some very difficult times. I felt very bad for that. He stuck with me, supported, cared, loved and helped me. He was a wonderful man and my best friend.

Now I am not writing this to get pity. My husband passed away three years ago from cancer. I will never stop grieving for him. I miss him so much. I have my wonderful memories of the time spent with him.

I am doing alright. I have my children to support me. I have two grandchildren who I love dearly. They are all part of my husband.

Dragonfly 

NeitherHereNorThere

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2014, 08:22:21 AM »
Hi Dragonfly.

When I read your post, I didn't feel that you were looking for pity.  I hear genuine love coming from you.  It sounds like you have love all around you.  It warms my heart to know that you not only embrace the love but you give it back.

I'm very sorry that your husband passed away.  I can't imagine losing a love so great.  Thankfully, we have our memories.  Hugs to you!
If you can't handle it when I'm at my worst, then you don't deserve me when I'm at my best.

JennyRN70

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2014, 10:50:13 AM »
So sorry for your loss Dragonfly - you are so lucky to have had him go through everything with you.  When I tried to tell my fiancÚ that he would be better off without me and we should break-up he didn't let me get away with that - he said will work together - so I understand feeling bad for the things we put them through!

momfellinglost

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Re: romantic relationships and the effect of mental illness
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2014, 11:57:19 PM »
I had a thought well more than one. But if you aren't familiar with CPP and how it works a lot of people who apply get turned down the first time. The percentage is fairly high. so don't take the first no as the only answer and appeal there no should you get turned down.