Author Topic: Did I do the right thing  (Read 3246 times)

momfellinglost

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Did I do the right thing
« on: January 11, 2017, 11:32:37 AM »
   I came across an newspaper article in my local paper. It was about a young boy who is out of control and has been charged not once but twice. In the comments so many people of course blamed bad parenting. I of course didn't and I know families read those comments. A family member expressed that the parent had tried to get help and she also expressed that they didn't want the child medicated. I didn't question that choice. I told her to come here and talk to some of the people here. About the goods and the bads of meds. About how they have made their lives better or worse. In my humble opinion a lot of parent as so scared of meds thinking they are just going to give the kid so much they will be a zombie. But on the other hand I do know that it isn't the way it really works.
   Do you think that was the right thing to do. I know the parent is at the end of their rope and I know that it is hard to get those services. But if the child has an illness then it needs to be dealt with. I  know the laws have changed and I also know people that if the laws were the same years ago they would charge them.  I also know good parent have kids that are not willing to comply with the norm. It is so easy to lay blame and most parents will never know the pain. Maybe it is because I know that pain I am willing to say it. I am not saying I was a perfect parent but I was a good parent and I know as I grow older my views change and I see the things that really don't matter and the ones that do and see people ignore.

Dragonfly

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2017, 07:20:42 PM »
Momfeelinglost, I believe you did the right thing.

Maybe this is off topic. My son was a real handful when he was a teenager. He did unlawful things, did drugs, hung out with the wrong people, drank, partied, etc. My husband and I used to wonder if we were good parents. Why was our son acting this way? We weren't like that when we were young. How did he get this way? Now I believe we were good parents. We never gave up on him.

My son continued some of his partying ways when he got married. As soon as he had his first child he started to change. He is now a very responsible caring loving parent of two children. Holds a good job. Is sensible about money.

Unfortunately my son is now separated. His ex wife wanted to continue partying when he did not. He wanted to be there for his family. He is now happier and has found a girlfriend who truly cares about him. Time will tell if this relationship works. He is always there for his children and his girlfriend has a child who is in the same age range as his children and they get along tremendously. This child also adores my son and he is very kind to her. I am not saying that things are always perfect. I am very proud of my son and my late husband would have been also.

Hope I haven't become too wordy and haven't sounded like a goody, goody.

Dragonfly

paulm

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2017, 03:49:04 AM »
Hello Momfeelinglost. I also think that you did the right thing.  My own opinion on meds and people who don't believe in them is this.

 Appendicitis is pretty much a routine procedure these days and in the few cases where the appendix ruptures or some bug gets into the incision , you still have a 99% chance of surviving due to modern antibiotics.  For those that don't believe in medication I will offer them a bullet to bite on and have a Chaplin standing by to pray for a miracle , because in the old days before anesthetic and antibiotics ,it hurt like the devil and you were probably going to die any ways.  I never get any takers. I also use dentistry procedures as an example from time to time. When I had 8 teeth removed I was pretty quick reaching for the pain killer after the freezing wore off and when I got an infection I was pretty quick to see the doc for some medication.

 I also don't see too many older people saying "no thanks I don't want my blood pressure medication or when they get severe arthritis or sciatica they are pretty quick to reach for the medication bottle.

 Pysch meds are no different. In the proper dosages and with the proper supervision, they work and they certainly don't drug people into zombies. Before anyone screams at me that some psych medications can turn you into a zombie, please notice that I said "proper dosages and proper supervision" which are sadly lacking at times.

 Also sometimes when a person has an accident they induce an artificial coma to allow them to heal, now that's a real zombie, but it works. I really hate taking seroquel and for a while it did turn me into a zombie, but that's what it took to allow my brain to heal and I no longer use seroquel, but I would if I ever went badly off course again.

 Would I allow my child to be medicated. Yes, but I would educate myself as thoroughly as possibly about the meds , how long they needed to be on them and what the alternatives are.

 In regards to bad parenting. I've seen kids who had horrible up bringings turn into model citizens (my wife for example). I also seen kids who had a pretty good up bringing and who were taught proper morals etc turn into problem children as they went through their teens (me for example).

 Later in life, when my bipolar was raging out of control, for 4-5 yrs, I was certainly not a good role model for my children as they entered their pre teen and early teen yrs. However they seem to have grown up just fine. Sometimes parenting is part luck and part skill.  Per usual, all of the above are just my opinions and not necessarily right. Take Care. paul m

 P.S. to Dragonfly. Compared to me you have a long way to go before anyone accuses you of being too wordy LOL.

Peace

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2017, 07:10:08 AM »
Hello mom, Dragonfly, and paul  :) Great to see you all!

I've noticed many comments on the internet are very judgemental without people knowing the facts, and sometimes abusive. It appals me. I don't mean you mom when I say that, I've felt this way for a while.

I'm not anti-med in any way. I do believe they serve a purpose. I also believe they could be administered more conscientiously at times. Benzo's on an as needed basis rather than taken regularly, as an example. Start low and increase slow to reduce side effects and over-medication. Take into consideration the patients tolerance to medication. Explanation that the med side effects will most likely decrease over time and the average time it takes for the med to help you feel better and reach maximum effect. I've seen many people stop their medication due to side effects and to me it's sad because it may have been prevented with proper information.

You did the right thing, mom. It's obvious your intentions were good, and you provided a resource in an attempt to help the parents. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Peace

momfellinglost

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2017, 11:04:21 AM »
 My thinking was that if this child has a mental illness he doesn't belong in a jail even a kiddy jail. That this women is at the end of her rope and I am sure this child is as well. I felt bad for her and the comments about she must be such a bad parent when you kid is doing these kinds of things. And most parents won't ever know how it feels. I know she has shed tears and tried to figure out what she has done wrong. No need for anyone else to beat her up with words and judgement. And I thought that maybe she could read and hopefully ask people here about meds and how they have changed their lives for the good and bad. That meds are not your enemy. Courts give no slack for those with a mental illness or rarely do they. I hope that maybe she is one of the people who is reading but maybe not posting on this site. Meds can make a huge difference to peoples lives. I also know that there is so much on line about the evils of meds.

paulm

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2017, 11:26:14 AM »
Hello Momfeelinglost.  I agree with you that the courts don't always do right by youth. I also agree that this family is feeling enough pain without any one adding to it.

  In case the lady (or anyone else) is reading this in some areas of the province Kinark may be able to help https://www.kinark.on.ca/ 

 I've seen mixed results from Kinark so it would be best if she is in the area that they serve to ask about their services and google them to see if there are any local articles.

 If a person has a provable mental illness, they may be eligible for a court diversion program. The crown is supposed to review each case and make a recommendation, but this is not always done and the person or their lawyer can ask about it.   Court diversion is where charges are stayed while a person completes  alternatives. For a person with a mental illness it may mean taking an anger management course or a CBT course and it may involve taking medications regularly and/or a lot of other conditions . They must also take responsibility for what they did.

 If the person completes the assigned tasks in the allotted time then the charges disappear and they don't end up with a criminal record and a lot of the time they end up better off as they are forced to seek treatment for their illness.  If they don't want to go by the diversion rules or if they fail then the charges are brought back and the person will face what ever punishment is coming.  For more info please see the website below.  Take Care. paul m

 P.S. if anyone has any further questions about this sort of thing they can ask here or send me a private message. I can't give legal advice but I may be able to point them in the right direction

 https://robichaudlaw.ca/what-is-diversion-and-and-i-eligible-to-have-my-criminal-charges-withdrawn/
« Last Edit: January 14, 2017, 11:27:45 AM by paulm »

Paula

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2017, 07:12:41 AM »
 Pysch meds are no different. In the proper dosages and with the proper supervision, they work and they certainly don't drug people into zombies. Before anyone screams at me that some psych medications can turn you into a zombie, please notice that I said "proper dosages and proper supervision" which are sadly lacking at times.    This is the part that concerns me.  It seems to take forever to get the right combination.  I feel like a lab rat with all the different meds I've been on🙁

paulm

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2017, 12:52:14 PM »
Hello Paula and welcome. I agree with you that we can often feel like a lab rat. To get better I took over 30 different meds in about 100 different combos. 

 Some parts of the system are broken. When I was diagnosed with manic depression I was given a prescription. When I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, I still got the prescription, but I was also given an appt with a dietitian and told to go into the diabetes clinic where I could access literature and/or attend course for free on how to better manage diabetes.  Bipolar has caused me a lot more difficulties than diabetes ever has. 

 I don't know why they don't have similar systems,ie prescription, counselor/ dietitian, free courses. Both illnesses can cost the gov't a fortune and much would be saved if we were educated about our illnesses a lot more.

 I didn't start to really get better until I undertook to learn all I could about my illness, including the medications , lifestyle and triggers. It was a long rough go because there wan't  lot of help out there. One of the reason's I ended up taking so many different meds in so many different combos was because if I tried something and it didn't work in 60-90 days I was back pounding on my doctors door.  Learning about life styles,diet,exercise and triggers also took a long time as few docs talk about that aspect and for me they are just as important as the meds I take.

 While proper supervision by a doctor is important, it's also important that we self supervise. Mood chart are one way to self supervise.  I coulld go on about self education, and ways to get that and a whole pile of other stuff that I had to do.  But that's not my point.

 My point is that it is our illness and in order to get better it sometimes requires a lot of work on our part, and that is hard especially when we can hardly get out of be, much less concentrate. 

 Is it fair that we sometimes have to do all of this work. Not in the least, it's very unfair, but sometimes if we want to get better we have to do things that are unfair.   Take Care. paul m

Stenacron man

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2017, 04:35:28 PM »
Quote
  I came across an newspaper article in my local paper. It was about a young boy who is out of control and has been charged not once but twice. In the comments so many people of course blamed bad parenting. I of course didn't and I know families read those comments. A family member expressed that the parent had tried to get help and she also expressed that they didn't want the child medicated.
.

The parents are influential but not the direct cause. It is a composition of nurture and nature.   

This is a very commonplace problem that I doubt will ever be solved. First the male brain is not typically fully formed till age 23. Second, all mental health medications do cause brain damage in their own specific degree. Third, nobody wants to be the bad guy and step up and say "I will fix the problem".

This biggest problem with this is how one condition is proven to lead to another.  In this case it starts with (ODD) Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Which by mid teens typically becomes (CD) Conduct Disorder, and then (CD) if not outgrown becomes (ASPD) Antisocial Social Personality Disorder. The real kicker is more than 20% of the core criteria for a true Sociopathy is (ASPD). (ASPD) is also  the most important  key defining feature between a Psychopathy and a Sociopathy. 

A physiatrist will very seldom prescribe antipsychotic medication to a teenager. It comes down to Malpractice insurance. If the medication does harm to the child the doctor is liable. So I understand the doctor's position and respect it. It can only be fixed if provincial laws allowing medications to be prescribed is changed for today's times. Antidepressants or RRSI's aren't the answer either. Those tend to create suicidal tendencies in teens.  Antipsychotics like   Risperdal  and Quetiapine are well suited for these conditions but can cause Tardive-Dyskinesia involuntary muscular movement that can become permanent in some patients. 

In today's world it's all about band-aids and how many we can put on things.


My Question is: "why do we always have to wait till it breaks before we fix it".



Buddy mack.




   

Dragonfly

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2017, 10:42:32 PM »
Welcome Paula,

Very glad that you posted. Your views are very important.

Dragonfly

paulm

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2017, 09:33:21 AM »
Hello Buddy mack. I take your points and will disagree only on one thing and that is that antipyschotcs are rarely given to children. They have been given to kids for yrs and only know does anyone seem to be waking up to the long term effects of some of these meds.  Take Care. paul m


 http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-children-and-youth-with-adhd-often-prescribed-antipsychotics-study-finds-1.3942049

 http://news.nationalpost.com/health/canadian-children-now-take-far-more-mood-altering-drugs?__lsa=204d-fbfa

Stenacron man

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Re: Did I do the right thing
« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2017, 07:47:36 PM »
Hey Paulm

No your right and I agree with you. Risperdal has been used for many years with young children in low dose. I personally prefer and think that Quetiapine is much better but that only came out in 2006. When they are given to children it is only normally for very severe cases based on a doctor's assessment.

It is very tough world for our young children they are often frustrated and tend to isolate them-self in a digital world not socializing in person anymore. I remember riding my BMX in the late 70's with 50 friends. Boy have times changed.


Buddy Mack.